


The Comments Below

by DickAnderton



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Bipolar Disorder, Coming Out, Crushing, Eventual Smut, M/M, Pining, Sexual Tension, Shipping, Slow Burn, gamer!isak, youtube au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9521996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DickAnderton/pseuds/DickAnderton
Summary: Isak is a notoriously lazy gamer living with lgbt icon Eskild. When they invite youtube sensation Even Bech Naesheim over for a collaboration, #Evak is born. But it is not only their viewers who are falling in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [The Comments Below](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928541) by [vmaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vmaz/pseuds/vmaz)



It was Friday night and yet again Isak felt too lazy to film, let alone upload a video. He had spent the day alternating between the fridge, the bed, and the desk where he had set up his enormous gaming equipment, and as a result he didn't feel tired even when it had been hours since Eskild had called a good night from the living room. Instead of taking his roommate's advice and getting some “much needed beauty sleep”, Isak stocked up on chips and cold pizza and started loading his new favourite game. He already knew it would keep him up all night again, but filming himself whilst playing? Way too much work. 

As euphoric as his viewers were about rare new updates on his channel, they also hated Isak passionately for his notorious lack of ambition. He had ended his last three videos with a halfhearted promise to update more frequently, but the only thing he had shared in two weeks was a marginally requested virtual tour through his gaming station and the hardware he used.

As Isak sank into his desk chair, by far the most expensive and most used piece of furniture he owned, his eyes caught on the list he had taped onto the far side of his screen, consisting of his viewer's suggestions for new games he should try. It was growing longer day by day, and Isak wouldn't even be able to only go through the ones that he actually liked without seriously getting his shit together. 

Setting up his webcam would require putting on a shirt though, which was why Isak didn't even consider filming tonight. He would do it tomorrow right after he had gotten out of bed, which would probably be some time in the afternoon.

While the game was loading on one screen, Isak logged into the chatroom he used to talk to his online friends on another screen. After staring at the connection sign for a few seconds, he grew impatient and opened his youtube channel in another window, checking for new notifications out of habit. When he had first uploaded his initial attempt at a video, he had been reading through every comment he got, taking in everything people had to say to him. But now that it had been a bit over a year and he had reached 100.000 subscribers a few weeks ago, he couldn't possibly keep up with everything that was going on. 

He didn't know how Eskild did it. Eskild was easily one of the most popular youtubers in the country, and when it came to the lgbt community, there wasn't even a competition there. Still, he managed to keep everyone updated, chatting with followers nonstop on his countless social media accounts, always nagging Isak to come pose for a picture or pop in as a surprise guest when he next did a live stream. The fact that Isak's channel was gaining popularity continuously was mostly Eskild's doing, as he mentioned him every now and then, complaining publicly about his dirty, nocturnal roommate, just to post a selfie with an annoyed Isak minutes later, filling the caption with rainbow colored hearts. 

Isak's channel had also initially been Eskild's idea. He had claimed that Isak might as well put his countless hours spent online to good use, and after a drunk promise, Isak had been introduced to the world of social media. He still didn't understand half of the things people told him in the comment section, but with Eskild as a roommate and his youtuber friends who had also become Isak's friends over time, he was slowly catching on. 

His privileged position would have been a great starting point for a successful career, as Eskild usually put it when Isak was sipping coffee in the morning, still half asleep, listening to Eskild's daily monologue about wasted potential. What he lacked was the motivation to actually keep up the little work he had put into his channel so far. He enjoyed what he was doing but he wasn't as dedicated to the whole thing as Eskild was. His roommate was using his popularity as a platform to make important changes in society while Isak hadn't left the house in about four days and had only changed out of his pajamas once, when Eskild's friend Noora had come over for his weekly live stream. 

Once the chatroom had finally loaded, Isak immediately typed a greeting to his best friend Jonas who he saw was already online. It only took a second for Jonas to answer with the peace sign emoji and Isak got comfortable in his chair while he waited for his other online friends to enter the chatroom. He reached for a slice of cold pizza from yesterday and went back to check his channel's notifications. His endless scrolling abruptly came to a halt when one of them caught his eye. 

Even Bech Naesheim had followed him yesterday afternoon. A tiny gray check mark followed his name, spelled with several numbers instead of letters, indicating the verification of his account. Isak knew Even's name but had never seen a single video of his, as he usually didn't follow other youtubers apart from the ones he knew in person. He had heard Eskild talk about him more than once though. Eskild talked about a lot of people, most of which he never mentioned twice, but Even's name had come up in their one sided conversations multiple times now. Apparently, he had only signed up to youtube a good half of a year ago, but his channel was already well known enough for even Eskild to obsess about it. 

Suddenly interested, Isak clicked the profile picture accompanying the notification, which was so heavily edited that he couldn't even make out Even's face anymore. It was a wild blur of color and reminded Isak of the kind of pictures in which different colors represented different temperatures. His eyes shot wide open when he saw the number next to Even's distorted face. In less than a year, Even had already hit a million subscribers and uploaded over two hundred videos. No wonder he had caught Eskild's attention.

Eyebrows furrowed, Isak began typing into the chat window connecting him with Jonas. 

“even bech naesheim just followed me. wtf?” 

The interaction made him aware of the increasing number of participants in the chat, as he immediately received three question marks from three different people, and a gif from Jonas, indicating his confusion. Isak had no explanation though. He was asking himself the same question he knew his friends were asking. Why? 

Just to be able to put a face with the name, Isak clicked the first video on Even's channel which was also his most recent one. It was dated two days ago and already had a massive amount of views. The title said something about Even celebrating his one million subscribers mark and the thumbnail showed a blurry male nipple. After a second of buffering and Isak cursing silently at the screen, the video showed Even, wrapped in a white bathrobe standing next to an inside swimming pool. 

He was gorgeous. Isak's stomach dropped at the first sight of him and he instinctively looked around his room as if to make sure he was alone, regardless of his reaction having been completely internal. On screen, Even's eyes were actually sparkling, almost closed by how bright he was smiling. He was holding a finger to his lips playfully and then started whispering into the hand held camera while moving his fingers through his blond hair. 

“Hey guys! As you all voted for this, I promised that once I hit a million subscribers I would break into my neighbors basement to go for a midnight swim. Watch me.” He actually winked at the camera as he set it down somewhere further away from the water, making Isak cringe in secondhand embarrassment. At the same time though, he couldn't look away. Even was radiating self confidence and joy, and besides he was taking his robe off. Underneath he wore nothing but black swimming trunks that went down to just above his knees, and Isak was sure he lingered near the camera for a few seconds on purpose, pretending to make sure the pool was in focus when really all he did was show off his flat stomach and slightly toned abs. 

Then he turned around and ran towards the almost too blue water, jumping in without hesitation. He resurfaced almost immediately, shaking water out of his eyes and hair sticking to his forehead. His fingers went through it again so that it stuck out from his head while Even climbed out of the pool. 

Isak caught himself checking out his bare chest again and blushed, not caring about the fact that he was alone in his room and no one would ever know. He was convinced though that none of his friends would deny his observation that Even was good looking, even if he wouldn't ever share it. 

“Well wasn't that exciting?!” Even whispered, taking the camera in his hands again. “Now all we gotta do is climb out the window with a camera in hand.” The images that followed were blurred, alternating between Even's glowing face and the window, and Isak could hear him laugh to himself in the background. It took him a few tries to actually make it out the window and he only closed his bathrobe once he was out in the yard, giving his viewers a last good look on his almost naked body to which his trunks now clung in a seductive way. 

Isak knew at once why this idea hat been voted for by his viewers, as the video in itself wasn't very interesting. It stopped a few seconds after Even had made it over the yard and back to his bike, and a look through the recommended video section told Isak that none of his other videos seemed to make any more sense. 

Most of them were Even doing ridiculous things, not even remotely interesting, and for no apparent reason. There were a few challenges with other youtubers Isak didn't recognize and some interviews and reviews of ridiculously useless products, but apart from that it all centered around Even following through with dares and promises he had apparently made. 

The fact that Even now followed him, would have made at least a little bit of sense if Even were a gamer, but their content didn't overlap in the slightest which was why Isak suspected Eskild to be involved. A quick search through youtube told him that Eskild and Even already followed each other.

While he watched his online friends begin the game on his right screen, he typed a quick “brb” and opened facebook in yet another tab. He knew Eskild would be asleep which was why going over to his room wouldn't make much sense, but he still wanted to ask tonight before he forgot. When he had scrolled down far enough to find Eskild among his messages, he saw that their last online interaction had been a week ago and Isak had never clicked the message he had received. 

As he read through it now, he wished he had done so sooner, just so he could have stopped Eskild from doing what he suggested to do. Eskild was planning a collaboration between himself, Isak, and Even and wanted to film this upcoming Sunday. He ended his message saying that if Isak didn't say no, he would take it as a yes and invite Even over. It now made sense that Eskild had chosen facebook messenger, as he knew that Isak hardly ever used it. 

Frowning, Isak searched for Even among Eskild's facebook friends and only needed a second to find him. He wanted to find out where Even was from, to know whether the collaboration would take planning on his part or whether he lived close enough to simply come over for an afternoon. Knowing Eskild, he had probably already offered Even the couch for the weekend either way.  
It turned out that Even lived about an hour outside from Oslo, which made Isak almost certain that he would stay over at least one night. 

Isak had never done a collaboration except for the few times Eskild had forced himself into one of his videos, sitting down and grabbing a controller mid filming without asking. He didn't feel comfortable with the idea, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop Eskild if he had his mind set on it. Annoyed with his egocentric roommate, he turned back to his game, pretending the news didn't occupy his mind. 

Isak spent about two hours chatting and playing with his friends, but wasn't able to shake off the thoughts of the upcoming filming session. He was wondering what kind of videos Eskild had planned and was growing more anxious by the second, considering what a hard time he had talking Eskild out of the things he usually had planned for Isak. 

So far, Isak had been able to reject the dress up challenge, only just avoided body painting with rainbow colors, and gotten out of playing twenty one questions on screen. The only two times he had been in Eskild's videos on his own volition had been a video about pride in which Eskild had used him as a prime example of why people needed to be educated more about it, and a video with puppies which Eskild had taken in for a weekend. It was still Isak's favorite memory of their time as roommates, spending 48 hours on the floor with Eskild, rolling around and getting their faces licked. 

Isak's mind was still running wild when he heard footsteps in the hallway at around two am. He paused his game immediately, stretched his stiff limbs quickly and went down the hall to wait for Eskild in front of the bathroom. It only took a minute until he emerged, wearing rainbow coloured boxers.

“Jesus, Isak! You gave me a heart attack, seriously!”, Eskild yelled and clutched his bare chest in a rare attempt at decency once he spotted Isak in the shadows and Isak mumbled an apology. 

“I read your message. About Sunday.” 

Eskild ran a hand through his short hair and rubbed some sleep out of his eyes. “Seriously, Isak? It's 2 am? Do you ever sleep?” 

“Is there any way I can get out of it?” Isak asked, sounding almost desperate, as Eskild had already begun walking towards his own room again, scratching his butt as he went past. 

“No. Good night, Isak. I'll wake you up at eight tomorrow to go to the market, we're out of avocado and we're gonna do a face mask before Even comes over. Have you seen the guy, by the way?” 

Isak grumbled an affirmation and followed Eskild to his room. “Why do you need me there?”

“Let me ask you this: Why would you not want to be in a collab with two of the most successful youtubers in the country?” Apparently Eskild was waking up now, as he had enough energy to throw his hands up in the air and look at Isak exasperatedly. “Seriously, do you have any idea how lucky you are? I don't even know why you have all those followers of yours, you never do anything! Well, no, I do know why. You're cute, that's all. People love to watch you, they are crazy about you. With your little curls and dimples. Damn. Same with Even. Do you know how amazing that is? What a chance you have there? You're young, you're beautiful, and you're popular. Use that to your advantage, why won't you?” 

Isak would have flushed had anyone else complimented him like that, but he was used to hearing these kind of things from Eskild. He had felt uncomfortable in the beginning but by now he knew Eskild called everyone young and beautiful, including himself. 

“Seriously, why do you not want in on it? Is there a reason? Cause I'm counting on you. You're not letting me down, are you?” Eskild pouted, and Isak shrugged his shoulders in a slow response. He wasn't sure why exactly he wasn't keen on the idea. Too much work, mainly. Also the fact that Eskild was loud off camera but even louder when it was on. It was almost unbearable, and with guests over, Eskild would bounce off the walls all weekend. Also, Even seemed to be the kind of person to play right along with it, and they would drain Isak's energy in no time. 

“It's alright”, he told Eskild nonetheless, because he guessed it would have to be. “What are we gonna do?” 

Eskild smiled widely at him and moved in for a tight hug, rubbing his chest against Isak's in a way that almost made Isak push him off again. “It's a surprise, baby”, he mumbled into Isak's hair. Isak tilted his head to pull it out of Eskild's face, growing annoyed with the other boy's late night affection.

“Is Even gonna stay over the weekend?” 

“He hasn't said yet. He sucks at texting back, almost like you. No, not really, you're worse.”

After Eskild had gone back to bed, Isak spent another two hours online until his eyes began to hurt and he finally told his friends he would go to bed. He never made it there though, but ended up falling asleep at his desk with Even's channel back up on screen and his videos running on autoplay.


	2. Chapter 2

Isak was indeed woken up by Eskild the next morning. Even though Eskild had had “mercy on him” and waited until 9AM to bang against his door, Isak still felt weary and had to down two cups of black coffee before he could even muster up the energy to take a much needed shower. 

They met up with Noora and her friends for more coffee after their trip to the market and even though Isak was grumpy and tired through the first half of the day, he finally thanked Eskild for making him leave the house at all. 

As they were crammed around a table at their favourite coffee shop, listening - or in Isak's case pretending to listen - to Eva talk about the new eyeshadow palette she was going to use on Vilde in her new video, Isak remembered their upcoming collaboration with Even. While he silently prayed that Eskild wasn't going to mention it, he already knew that it was a lost cause now that the subject of filming had come up. His roommate was hanging on to every word Eva said, resting his chin on his hands, but he still took a deep breath once she was done. 

“I totally wanna try that peach colour, Eva, we can do a collab for that. But by the way, did I tell you that Even is going to come over this weekend? We are going to film together with Isak.”

The three girls gave almost simultaneous gasps and Vilde managed to choke on her coffee, spilling it into her lap. 

“Even Bech Naesheim? That's big, I saw he hit a million subscribers last week!” Noora sounded excited while Eva busied herself by taking care of the stains on Vilde's skirt expertly. “I think I saw the video, what did he do again?”

“He jumped into a pool”, Isak said before he could think about it and all heads turned towards him. 

“Aw, Isak, finally realizing other youtubers can be fun to watch? You never even gave me a thumbs up when I turned Vilde into the Cheshire car on Halloween but Even taking a swim gets you worked up?” 

Isak could feel his face flush at Eva's words and he deliberately ignored Eskild's hot stare which he could feel on him. “I'm not saying it got me worked up, I simply watched it. It was the first thing on his channel, so...” He tried to defend himself but it was no use. They were all gonna label him Even's biggest fan while they had all seen the video themselves. Shaking his head, he took a sip from his decaf coffee with hazelnut flavour. 

“Speaking of the devil...” A wide smile spread on Eskild's face and as Isak looked up at him, he saw that he was holding his phone out in front of him for the girls to see. “Even just texted back. Finally, I might add. He is going to come over around six tonight, which is... oh my god, in two hours, so I guess we gotta head home if we still wanna do those face masks.” 

“Do we?” Isak asked, but he still took his coat which Eskild was pushing into his chest urgently. 

“We do, baby, we do.” Eskild was already standing next to Noora, pressing her against his chest fiercely. “I'll send you pictures of him once he's asleep.” He murmured into her hair as she pretended to be offended he hadn't asked her to join. 

“What are you going to film?”

“Is it going to involve nudity? Please make him lose at least his shirt.”

As Isak began to ponder over his poor choice of friends, he was being pushed out of the coffee shop by Eskild and he waved a rushed goodbye to the girls who still stared at them in disbelief and jealousy.

By the time they carried their numerous bags full of exotic fruit from the market up the narrow stairs to their flat, Isak was ready for a nap and regretted having chosen decaf earlier. Instead of getting some much needed rest, he was ushered into the bathroom and ordered to change his shirt as to not get any of the face mask onto his good clothes. Grudgingly, Isak changed into a stained white t-shirt he had already spilled coffee on, and waited for Eskild to smear some of the green paste he was preparing in the kitchen onto his perfectly fine face. 

“Perfect. You need to leave it on for at least fifteen minutes. Now you do mine”, Eskild ordered once he was done with Isak who sighed and took the bowl from him. A quick glance into the mirror behind him confirmed his suspicion that he looked absolutely ridiculous, his face covered entirely in avocado and egg whites, sparing only his eyes and lips.

Trying to be as quick as possible about it, he smeared the other half of the mask on Eskild's face, but he was only halfway done when the doorbell rang. 

“Oh, that'll be the delivery guy, I ordered a new tripod via prime yesterday. Can you let him in? I'll finish up here.” Eskild rose from the toilet seat and moved towards the mirror, ignoring the horror on Isak's face. 

“I won't open the door like this”, he pointed up at his face, but Eskild feigned confusion at his refusal. 

“You look good, promise. Besides, we talked about not letting other people judge you, didn't we? So you care about your skin, big deal, Isak, big deal. Don't let the post man ruin your vibe!” 

“That's it, I'm moving out”, Isak mumbled while Eskild blew him a kiss, but he still stomped to the door, making sure to hit every door frame he passed with his green hands to convey his anger. 

Of course it wasn't the delivery service. Of course Isak only realized his mistake once he had pressed the buzzer that opened the main door downstairs without thinking about it and could hear someone yell for Eskild whilst slowly making his way up the stairs to their third floor. It was Even. Isak recognized his voice only because he was somewhat expecting him, but it still made his heart skip a beat. For a second, he considered wiping his face on his shirt, but he didn't have enough time before Even's head appeared on the stairs, covered under at least three hoods, one of them lined with fake fur. Drops of water were running down the material of his winter coat and splattered his light blue jeans. 

“Isak!” Even exclaimed once he spotted him frozen in the door frame, not able to suppress a laugh. “So good to meet you! I'd rather not shake your hand right now, but it's a pleasure.” Isak looked down at his hands which were still covered in face mask from putting it on Eskild and he was thankful that Even could at least not see him blush. 

“Yeah, I... we are doing face masks, so sorry.” Isak stumbled over his words and hoped Eskild would hear them talk and emerge from the bathroom to save him from this encounter. 

“I can see, it suits you.” Even smirked, making his eyes narrow and his whole face shine with joy. “Can you let me in? I'm kinda soaked, I got caught in the rain from the station to your place.” 

Isak stepped aside, letting Even into the flat which Eskild had luckily deep cleaned this morning while he had still been asleep. He watched Even take off three layers of jackets and jumpers and took them all from him in order to hang them up on the coat rack to dry. Two scarves followed right behind and Isak began to wonder whether maybe Even wasn't drenched in rain but simply sweaty from his layers. In the end, Even was left in nothing but a white t-shirt multiple shades cleaner than Isak's. The raindrops that had splattered on his jeans were still clearly visible on the bright fabric and Even rubbed at his wet thighs absent mindedly. 

“Do you want some coffee?” Isak offered, hoping Even would say yes just so he could run into the kitchen and wipe his face off. 

“Tea please. Coffee does shitty things to your body.” 

“Yes, true that. I hardly ever drink it myself, it's gross when you think about it. Will be right back. Make yourself a home.” 

Isak hurried into the kitchen, filling the water boiler before reaching for a cloth, wetting it and rubbing away at his face until his skin felt raw and over sensitive. He discarded his dirty shirt and replaced it with the jumper Eskild had worn earlier and left on one of the kitchen chairs. By the time he made it back to the living room with a cup of tea in his hand, Even had made himself comfortable on one of the couches, typing away on his phone. 

“Do you have the wifi code?”, he asked and nodded appreciatively as Isak placed the cup in front of him. 

“I'll go get it” Isak went back into the kitchen to grab the piece of paper that was taped to the fridge. 

“I'm guessing yours is pride69?”, he heard Even chuckle from the living room and had to close his eyes for a second in embarrassment. 

“Yep... Eskild chose it, so... I will go look for him.” 

Isak hurried down the hall and burst into the bathroom without knocking. Startled, Eskild dropped the empty bowl of face mask he had been holding in his hands. 

“Holy shit, Isak! What did I tell you about not scaring the shit out of me all the time? You get to clean this up!” 

“Even is here”, Isak almost panted and he made sure to close the door behind them as Eskild let out a shriek. Without hesitation he moved to the sink and began to remove his mask in rushed movements, still being a lot more careful than Isak had been. 

“You're telling me that now? Why is he so early? And why is your face all red? Did you have an allergic reaction to the mask?” Isak moved to examine his face in the mirror. His skin was irritated but most likely only due to his aggressive treatment. “Go back there and talk to him! Make him happy, tell him I'll be right there.” 

Isak sighed exasperatedly. “He's not a fucking celebrity, Eskild, he's just a friend, right?” 

“Oh my god, Isak, just go.” Eskild pushed him back out into the hallway and closed the door in between them. 

Isak slumped back into the living room and sank into the free couch across from the one Even occupied. This weekend was already draining him, making him long for his bed, or at least a good gaming session to take his mind off of things. “Did you get here alright?”, he asked, just to be polite, and Even looked up from his phone and eventually placed it on the table in between them and grabbed for his tea instead. 

“Apart from the rain, yes. I was able to take an earlier train, my roommate gave me a ride to the station. You don't mind, do you? I didn't think I'd find your place so quickly, but I did.”

“Not at all. Eskild is freaking out over you, though, I think he might have passed out in there.” Isak pointed towards the bathroom and swallowed hard at Even's flattered smile. 

“I'm nothing to be freaked out by”, he let out, laughing silently. “Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Freaked out.” Even raised his eyebrows at him and Isak quickly shook his head. 

“What? No! No, I'm all chill.” He wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and remembered Even's drenched ones. “Would you like some sweatpants? Anything to change into?” 

“I brought some, thanks.” Even indicated the rather large bag he had placed next to the couch. “Just waiting for the bathroom, but if Eskild has indeed passed out in there, would you mind if I used your room real quick?” 

Isak tried to remember what state he had left his room in earlier, but he didn't think he could say no regardless. With a mumbled “sure” he got up and waited for Even to grab his bag and follow him down the hall. 

“So this is where you film your famous videos?”, Even asked once he had entered the room. It didn't look too bad today, but the smell was horrendous, probably coming from the leftover pizza Isak still hadn't finished. Isak went to open a window, remembered the rain outside, and instead pushed some dirty clothes underneath his bed as he passed it. “You don't have to clean up for me”, Even smiled. He opened his bag and retrieved some dark sweatpants and Isak hummed gratefully. 

“That's good cause it would've taken me a few hours.” 

They looked at each other for a few seconds. Isak couldn't help but marvel at Even's hair, at the one blond strand that fell into his perfect eyes, covering some of the birthmarks on his forehead. He was beautiful, confident, ambitious. Isak's eyes followed Even's hands as they moved to unbutton his jeans slowly and pulled the zipper down almost teasingly, revealing a glimpse of grey boxer briefs underneath. It was only when Even began to shimmy out of his wet jeans, looking up at him rather seductively, that Isak pulled himself out of his trance abruptly. 

“I'll leave you be, yeah”, he mumbled and almost ran towards the door, falling over his desk chair in the process and crashing into Eskild as he pulled the door shut behind him. 

“He's changing now. You don't wanna bother him.” Isak let out a shaky breath and walked back into the living room with Eskild on his heels, already asking questions. 

This was going to be the longest weekend of Isak's life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the comments, they made me incredibly happy:)

Once Eskild and Even met for the first time, Isak quickly became annoyed and volunteered to clean up the mess in the bathroom simply to get away from them for a few minutes. Having Even to his own hadn't been half bad, but watching Eskild make a fool of himself was harder to handle.

When Isak had moved in, it had taken him a couple of weeks to get used to Eskild's constant flirting, the flattering, the overbearing affection, the pick up lines he threw at him every time Isak forgot to put on a shirt or risked making the short way from the bathroom to his bedroom in only his towel. He had thought that maybe Eskild had a crush on him. Even though that suspicion was long gone now, he was still shocked to see what Eskild was like when he was honestly trying to make an impression. 

The older boy wouldn't shut up around Even, pestering him about his trip to Oslo, his channel, his ideas, his hair dresser, his favourite drink, and finally his favourite pizza topping which was actually useful as Eskild had decided to order food. His hands seemed to also constantly be on Even, touching his hair, his broad shoulders, his legs when they were sat next to each other. 

Isak managed to stand it only for about thirty minutes before he got up and started looking for a mop to clean up. He hadn't said another word to Even ever since Eskild had gotten his hands on him, but he had the feeling that Even had wanted to communicate with him, raising his eyebrows at him over the table more than once and trying to include him in the conversation Eskild was having with himself. As Isak left, his roommate was going on an on about the last time he had ordered pizza and the delivery guy had looked just like that one actor he was into, a story Isak had had to listen to multiple times by now and which usually ended up with Eskild googling said actor to make his point. 

Once he had shut himself in the bathroom to get some privacy and quiet, Isak finally had time to gather his thoughts that had run wild ever since Even had arrived. While he gathered up the pieces from the shattered glass bowl he tried to calmly reflect on his situation, but instead he ended up shaking so hard he managed to cut himself on one of the sharp edges. He momentarily abandoned his task and looked for a band aid in one of Eskild's drawers instead, the contents of which outnumbered his own possessions by far.

So maybe he was attracted to Even. It wasn't that he hadn't been attracted to guys before, it shouldn't confuse him as much as it did. The problem was, it had never mattered before. When Isak had crushed on guys in the past, it had been from a distance, most often even from in front of a screen. He had always been able to blame Eskild's influence on him, claiming that it was natural for him to be inclined to think about guys in this way because he listened to one talk about guys day in day out. When you were raised to think in a certain way, it was bound to rub off on you. Isak had always hoped that his attraction to guys was only a symptom of his time spent with Eskild.

He wasn't attracted to Eskild, for example, even though they had been with each other pretty much every day for the past two years. Maybe that was exactly why, Eskild had once claimed in one of his daily discourses about everything and everyone. What was crucial to Isak was that he had never been attracted to anyone in real life, someone he had actually talked to, someone he knew personally. It was exactly this fact that had made him feel safe, made him believe that he would eventually fall in love with a girl.

Attraction, in Isak's opinion, was one thing, but actually liking someone who was right in front of you, there for you to touch, to interact with, to maybe make a move on, was something else entirely. To Isak's horror, Even clearly fell into the second category. 

Isak had been fine with thinking Even was attractive, even if he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to know. He had also been fine with being nervous about Even coming over. What he wasn't fine with anymore was the fact that his stupid feelings weren't going away now that they had actually met. If anything, they were getting worse.

Isak had only spent about ten minutes of his life with Even, excluding the night he had fallen asleep and woken up to Even's voice hypnotizing him through his headphones. He shouldn't make him this flustered, shouldn't make his heart race like he did. 

Those jeans, those boxers, those hipbones he had sneaked a peak at. 

Furiously, Isak began to scrub at the floor, wiping away the green paste and throwing the used pieces of toilet paper into the bowl, hoping to flush his anxiety and nerves right down with it. Once he was done, he kept going, wanting to prolong his task for as long as possible.

Some days, he really couldn't stand Eskild. Why did he have to be so incredibly flirtatious? They didn't even know whether Even would potentially be into it. Oh god, what if it actually worked and the two of them ended up dating? What if Isak had to see them make out on the couch every weekend, had to listen to them through the thin walls? 

After a while, Isak knew he couldn't hide anymore. His arms hurt, the finger he had cut open earlier throbbed but didn't really bother him. It was time to go back, take a deep breath, and get through the weekend without any more staring, stumbling over his words, or blushing furiously. Even was just another guy, just someone who happened to have an attractive face. And body. Maybe behind that, he ended up being a complete ass. His videos for once, sucked.

Isak was welcomed back with a warm smile by Even who, to Isak's confusion but at the same time relief, was sat alone in the same spot he had left him. 

“Eskild is ordering pizza. He said he knew what you wanted”, Even explained, patting the couch cushion next to him as a gesture for Isak to sit down with him. He did as he was told but took care not to sit too close to Even. Even from a distance, Isak could smell the rain on him, mixing with some masculine scent of aftershave or perfume, something Isak wouldn't know anything about. He tried to keep his breathing shallow and began to pick at the band aid on his finger as a distraction. 

“Did you hurt yourself?”, Even asked immediately and reached for Isak's hand, not helping his new found undertaking of not falling for Even's charms. His fingers felt rough and calloused against Isak's as he let them run over the back of his hand and over the covered up cut on his fingertip. 

“Not really, nothing to worry about”, Isak waved it off, but really his heart felt pleasantly warm at Even's worry and affection. Even dropped his hand unceremoniously however, once Eskild re-entered the room from the kitchen. 

“I got you your usual, Isak, that okay? I just told Even about that one time the delivery guy looked just like...”

“... I know, I heard. And would have guessed so had I not been there.” Isak tried to exchange a significant look with Even, almost an apology, but Even's eyes were gleaming with amusement. 

“Wanna film a quick vlog while we're waiting?”, he asked and reached for a small camera he had already placed on the table in front of them.

“Oh Even, I just love how your filming is so spontaneous. You upload so often, it's just amazing.”

Isak almost felt sick at Eskild's obvious sucking up, but again Even simply smiled and nodded, not showing any sign of discomfort. He opened his camera and pointed it at Eskild who was ready to perform. Realizing a second too late that they were already filming, Isak just stared at the camera blankly once Even pointed it at him. 

“I'm gonna go get some water”, he got out and almost jumped up, hastily making his way towards the kitchen. 

“Isak, wait!” He stopped as Even called for him, turning around awkwardly, expecting to still be on camera. The thought of it made his skin crawl with fear. He was surprised to see that Even had lowered his hand however, either filming the ground or having turned the camera off. “If you don't want to be in it, you can just say no, you know? It's cool if it makes you uncomfortable, just let me know and I'll drop it, I promise.” 

Isak stood frozen, not really knowing what to do with this information. He would be eternally grateful for those words, those small words that meant so much more than Even could ever know. Still, they were just words and Isak didn't want to become too emotional over them, scaring Even away. 

“Thanks. I mean it. I'm still gonna get some water though, be right back.” 

In all those months he had been living with Eskild and endured constant begging, pushing, and complaining about the filming, it had taken Even about two seconds to realize that Isak just wasn't into it. 

Isak was fine with being on camera if he was prepared, if he knew what was coming, if he was filming himself and knew what he was getting into. The prospect of being filmed without his consent, without his knowledge, without knowing exactly what was happening and what was going to end up online for millions of people to see scared the shit out of him. Not that Eskild had ever done anything against Isak's will. He always made sure to ask permission before actually posting anything online and deleted material Isak didn't approve of, but it was a constant fight. Eskild didn't understand Isak's feelings about it and it made Isak angry to feel misunderstood. 

Even however, Even who posted at least one video of himself daily, who seemed to basically live with the camera in his hand, had just sounded like he understood him just fine. Isak had wished Even wasn't anything more than a pretty face, but now he knew he was far from being just that. 

He got a glass of water from the sink and then decided to also grab a can of coke before he went back into the living room, making sure there was no filming before actually entering the room.

Eskild had opened his laptop by now and was hunched over the screen, sitting too close to Even, laughing at something. The sound of Even laughing did funny things to Isak's stomach and he took a great sip of water, gulping it down hastily. He then opened his coke and sat down next to his friends, leaning into Eskild so that he could see. Before he could understand what was so funny however, Eskild opened his webcam and turned to face Isak. 

“You fine with a group picture to post on instagram?” 

Isak nodded. He really was fine with that. On Eskild's count he smiled brightly into the lens, making sure his double chin wasn't showing. 

It took another twenty minutes for their pizza to arrive. Twenty minutes in which they mainly discussed other youtubers and the challenges that were currently popular. Even and Eskild got into a heated discussion about the relationship they had with their followers, a discussion in which Even actually managed to talk Eskild out of his initial point, something Isak hadn't witnessed happening before. By the time the doorbell rang, Isak felt a bit more relaxed than he had done earlier and he was fine with being alone with Even as Eskild went downstairs to get the food. 

Even was back on his phone the second Eskild had left. He laughed out loud at something and eventually turned the screen around so that Isak could see. He had opened the picture they had taken earlier which Eskild had posted immediately after. 

“They are asking about your jumper”, he explained, still grinning widely. “Is it Eskild's?” Isak had to look down at himself to actually remember he had put on Eskild's clothes earlier and it took him only a quick look at the opened comment section Even was showing him to realize what he had done. Next to the countless people announcing their death over Even's presence alone, the jumper was the one thing that was being talked about. Apparently, Isak wearing Eskild's clothes was being received as a much anticipated statement about their hidden relationship and a coming out message of Isak's. 

Isak's heart began to race against his better judgement. He knew, logically, that this was to be expected, that among the millions of comments, he wouldn't find many useful ones, and that especially Eskild's audience was dead set on seeing things where there was nothing to see. Still, with curious thoughts about Even freshly in his head, confused about and angered by his own feelings towards the boy next to him, being called gay in already more than two thousand comments didn't exactly feel great. 

He shoved the phone away and immediately regretted it, knowing the harsh reaction would make Even ask questions. And he wasn't wrong. 

“What's up? Does it actually bother you?” Even was still smiling, but his mood was changing as he realized Isak's agitation. “I'm sorry I laughed.”, he offered and put his phone back onto the table. “I thought you'd be used to it, I'm sorry. I get those comments daily, I really didn't think it'd be a big deal.” 

“It's not a big deal.” Isak sighed and forced himself to push away all feelings of exposure and embarrassment. Just rumours. Even if they were real, Eskild's followers would be none the wiser. It was all made up, after all, until he actually addressed any of it. 

“What's not a big deal, baby?” 

Isak could have cursed Eskild for calling him by his pet name just now. Eskild dropped the three cardboard boxes on the table and immediately moved to open them. Even raised an eyebrow at Isak at his words. He looked more serious now, the joke was apparently over. 

“Does it bother you because it's true?”, he asked and Isak could actually hear the caution with which he weighted his words. 

“Is what true?” Eskild stopped rummaging with the boxes and instead looked from Even to Isak and back. 

“People are commenting on me wearing your clothes, that's all.” Isak sighed, reaching for the pizza that Eskild had already opened and revealed to be Isak's favourite. “But no, it's not true, so can we eat?” 

Eskild abandoned his task and instead took his phone from his tight back pocket. “Oh my god, really? The rumours are back?” He began to laugh as he read through the comments, making Isak roll his eyes. “You know, Even, every now and then people are asking whether Isak and I are dating. I mean, it's not that weird a thing to ask. We live together, I am young and beautiful, potentially rich, single...” He raised an eyebrow suggestively at that, making Even chuckle. 

“Thanks for the pizza, Eskild”, he replied simply, apparently still fine with Eskild's constant advances on him, and Isak was glad for him to drop it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the nice comments!:) I'm literally writing this story 24/7 at the moment, it has completely taken over my life, and I am super curious as to what you guys think. This will definitely go on for quite a while, I am currently working on chapter 9, so any input is appreciated so so much xx

Even Eskild managed to shut up for an entire fifteen minutes while they were eating, and Isak was quick to fall asleep during the TV show they put on afterwards. No one was in the mood to film anything today which was why they decided to start working after breakfast the next morning, which Isak was glad for. Instead of having to worry about cameras being shoved in his face he could curl up on one of the couches and close his eyes. 

Once he opened them again, it was quiet and darker around him. Someone had turned off the main lights and instead the room was illuminated by only the light of a small lamp behind the TV and Even's laptop screen. Even was stretched out on the other couch, wrapped up in a blanket from head to toe, laptop on his legs and his massive headphones on. He looked over as Isak shifted on the cushions, shaking out his right arm which had fallen asleep and was tingling unpleasantly. 

“Sleep well?” Even pushed his headphones down to his neck and smiled over at Isak, hoisting himself up a bit on the pillow that had magically appeared while Isak had been asleep. 

Isak nodded an affirmation but grimaced as he felt the pull in his neck from where it had been resting awkwardly on the arm of the couch. “What time is it?”

“Almost 11. Eskild just went to bed, he said you'd be fine here and you hardly ever sleep in your bed anyway.” It was true, Isak had to admit. More often than not, he fell asleep either at his desk or on the couch these days. His sleep schedule was a mess, too, as he felt more awake than he should now that he had gotten a quick nap in. “I don't know what your bed has ever done to you but if you like sleeping here, I don't mind.” 

“No, it's not like that.” Isak pushed himself up and grabbed another half finished can of coke he had opened earlier. He took a deep sip and added: “I just never think of going to bed, that's all. My sleep schedule is fucked, I'm tired all day, then I take a nap way too late and wake up again when everyone else is asleep.” 

“Aw, doesn't sound too healthy”, Even laughed and began to close a few windows on his laptop. 

“What are you doing?”

“Editing stuff. I filmed a bit on the train earlier, I still wanna upload before midnight.” Isak nodded in understanding, remembering his own plan to finally upload today that had failed yet again. “What do you usually do if you don't sleep?” 

“Gaming.” Isak shrugged his shoulders. 

“Oh I saw some of your videos. They're funny.” Even closed the screen of his laptop and sat up so that he was properly looking at Isak. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He had pulled up the blankets all the way to his chin, but Isak could tell when he moved. His imagination began to run wild. What else had he taken off? Did he sleep completely naked? He wouldn't though, not in someone else's living room. Boxers then? Those grey ones Isak had seen earlier. They had looked so incredibly sexy on him. Had he just stayed a second longer, he might have seen Even's bulge through the cotton once he had taken off his jeans. 

“You never upload, though, why? I saw the last time you did actually play a game was three weeks ago.” Isak snapped out of his daydream abruptly at Even's words, and he crumbled the empty can in his hand and threw it back on the table. 

“I don't know, I'm just lazy, I guess. I'm not too much into the whole thing, to be honest.” Isak wondered whether it was fine saying this in front of Even who seemed even more obsessed with youtube than Eskild was, but he continued. “It's fun to do, but I don't like the expectations that come with it. You do one thing and people expect you to do it daily, to dedicate your life to it and do nothing but upload all the time. I want to do this on my terms, when I want to, not out of guilt when strangers start insulting me online because I let them wait too long.” 

Even nodded. “I get that. It can be tiring, I know. Having all those people there that believe you owe them something.” He stroked the back of his laptop lovingly, though, the way one might do with a pet. “But I hope that's not stopping you from doing what you like to do. You shouldn't let anyone take away your fun because they don't like they way you do things. If you wanna upload once a year and anything else isn't fun for you, at least enjoy that one video you do.” 

“I do, I like it. I just need a kick in the butt sometimes.” 

“Like right now? Do you wanna film?” 

Isak thought about the long way to his room that was still smelly, the cold desk, the way his games always took forever to load. Besides, the living room was where Even was. Talking to him. Having stopped his editing for him. Eskild finally gone. “Not really.” 

“Not even together? I suck at most games, but I'm up for anything if we do easy mode and you teach me.”

Isak considered for a second. “Didn't you want to edit and upload before midnight?” 

“I'm almost done. Come over here and tell me what you think. Once it's posted we go play some fifa. That's what you mainly do, right?”

Isak nodded. His fifa episodes were what he put the most effort into. He liked other games and he had uploaded about them before, but he always found himself coming back to his favourite game. 

He got up from one couch and moved to the other, subtly moving a hand through his dishevelled hair. Once he was sat next to Even and his blanket burrito, thoughts of him wearing nothing but boxers came back to him and Isak tried to concentrate hard on the screen which Even had reopened. It was difficult though, as Even pushed the blankets off now, letting them fall down to his stomach so that he could reach the laptop better, revealing his toned chest. It was covered in birthmarks and little red spots, his nipples looked hard and goosebumps covered his arms and shoulders. Isak swallowed hard and stared at the screen so hard his eyes actually began to hurt. 

Even clicked the video he was currently editing and played it to Isak, indicating things he still wanted to change, emphasizing yet again how he was pretty much done. “You like it?”, he finally asked, looking sideways at Isak who refused to take his eyes off the screen. 

“Yeah, looks good. What's that program you use, it's so easy to do.” He listened to Even talk about editing techniques and different programs he had used in the past. He seemed to be even more invested in the whole thing than he had thought. “Do you like, wanna do this for the rest of your life? You're putting a hell of a lot of effort into it.” 

“I don't only wanna be a youtuber, no.” Even paused the video that had begun to play from the beginning. “I actually study film, I wanna make real films, not just this.” He waved at the screen. 

“Oh, so you're at uni?” 

Even hummed in confirmation. “I took the year off, though. I'll still graduate, but I needed a break from classes and everything. Things got a bit messy a while ago and it stopped being fun so I decided to put it on hold and focus on my channel to recharge. Do something I enjoy more for now. But one day, when I have my degree, I can use all of this as a stepping stone into the film industry. It's always good to have people know you. And it's good practice, all the editing and stuff. I enjoy it.” 

Isak had turned his head towards Even while he had been speaking after all, not being able to restrain himself any longer. He simply had to see the spark in his eyes that he knew was there just by the way he was speaking. 

“What do you do, Isak? Apart from your sporadic attempts at building a youtube audience?” He was joking, Isak knew, but the question still made him uncomfortable. He didn't really do much these days. He had graduated only last summer, which admittedly was half a year ago now, and not really come up with any ideas yet. Time just seemed to run faster than Isak wanted it to and instead of trying to keep up with it and getting a move on, Isak pushed his heels into the ground stubbornly, trying to hold on to the old days desperately in which all he had to do was go to school and sleep. 

“I...”, he began, but no matter how he would phrase it, he would sound like a sloth to Even. “I don't really know, right now. After graduation last year everyone's jumped right into their next big thing, being all excited about uni or whatever, but I just didn't know what to do with myself. I thought I'd get a job, just make some money while I figure things out, and I did for a while but then I got fired and never bothered to find something new. A few weeks of a break turned into a few months, and it sucks, I know, but I'm going to get off my ass next summer. It's the middle of the semester now, I can't really join anything anyway, so I might as well just wait it out until spring.” 

Isak half expected Even to be disappointed in him. Hell, he was disappointed in himself when he thought about it for too long. He hadn't expected Even's understanding nod. 

“I felt the same after graduation, it really does suck. Film was the only thing I really wanted to do but I didn't get into uni right away so I had to wait a semester and hope to get in through the waiting list. It messed with my head, having nothing to do and just hanging out, waiting for life to happen to me.” 

“When did you graduate then?” 

“Three years ago.” 

Isak quickly did the math in his head. If he wasn't wrong, Even should be about 21. That was three years older than Isak was. Still one year younger than Eskild.

He didn't know what to add to their conversation so he was happy to watch Even work for another fifteen minutes or so, taking in the way his fingers moved on the keyboard expertly, creating a cinematic masterpiece in mere minutes. The videos that Isak had seen on Even's channel had varied from horrible to bearable, but even the worst ones were always edited perfectly. His content might suck, but Even was good at the technical aspect of it. 

Instead of trying to understand what exactly it was Even was doing so that he could corporate some of it into his own videos, Isak watched in awe as Even's face twitched with laughter as he added blends that were particularly horrible. It was twice as amazing even, because Isak could either watch real life Even right next to him, or Even on screen, wearing his four layers, babbling into the camera about the weather, the train, the upcoming weekend at Eskild's. 

He would have been content watching Even work for hours, confident that it would have become one of the best nights of his life, but eventually Even opened youtube and uploaded his new video. He used the bathroom and put on a shirt – he had never taken off his sweatpants, much to Isak's dismay – while they waited for the file to be processed, and Isak got a few snacks from the kitchen before they went to his room. 

“Please open a window, will you? I'll throw the pizza out for you”, Even complained after only a second and Isak agreed. In the minute in which Even was gone he hastily pushed more dirty laundry underneath the bed and piled up an enormous amount of used plates and cups on one side of the desk. He then went to grab a chair from the kitchen for Even and began loading fifa. 

It took Even an unnaturally long amount of time to understand the game. As it turned out, he wasn't much of either a gamer or a football fan, making things increasingly difficult. They quickly decided to play on the same team, as a competition would have been no fun, but Even was doing horribly, regardless of Isak's best efforts to be patient, pass the ball over to him again and again, and knock out all opponents that stood between Even and his slow way to the goal. The fact that they lost game after game and ruined Isak's perfectly secure first rank in the league didn't even bother him though. He was mesmerized by Even's laugh, by the way he was commenting on the player's awkward moves, the game's glitches, and his synchronization of the little clips that played whenever the team prepared for penalties or similar moves. 

Isak all but forgot that they had the camera running. He was laughing along with Even before long, enjoying the shivers than ran through his body every time Even punched his arm playfully, and marvelling at his attempts to make both of their players fall in love, making his figure chase Isak's over the field, forgetting about the game entirely. 

Eventually, Even let out a long yawn and he placed his controller on the desk in front of him, turned the camera off, and let his body fall on the bed right behind him. In the time it took Isak to shut the game down and and close the numerous tabs they had opened in order to google fifa cheats and mythical sea creatures of which some of the players had reminded Even, he seemed to be on his way to falling asleep. Isak turned around hesitantly, thinking about taking the couch if Even planned on staying here, but deciding against it. If Even didn't want to share, he could go back to the living room where Eskild had prepared him a perfectly fine bed that smelled like fresh lavender instead of Isak's sweaty teenage body. 

He took off his jeans, keeping his eyes on Even to make sure he didn't watch him, and climbed into the bed with him, reaching for his favourite pillow out of instinct before pausing and pushing it over to Even. Even opened his eyes lazily as the cotton was pushed into his face. 

“Have the pillow”, Isak whispered as he pulled his enormous blanket over himself. He could see Even reach for it contently and felt him scoot closer, joining Isak underneath the blanket. It was big enough for their bodies to fit without touching each other, but Isak's heart rate still sped up significantly. He could smell Even next to him, his delicious scent of home and comfort, and Isak forced his eyes to close. He didn't expect to fall asleep quickly, as it was still long before his usual bedtime, but while he tried to decide on something other to think about than Even, their shared body heat underneath the blanket, his slow, deep breaths, and the memory of his smile, he drifted off earlier and more peacefully than he had done in weeks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen so many people predict that Even will get his hands on the fifa footage, but that was filmed for Isak's channel haha. I love love love your comments so much, thank you yet again!  
> The only reason I am updating again so soon is that I have just written the first smut for this and I can't wait to share it as soon as possible, so here you go, have the challenge they are filming <3

Isak woke up before Even did, and he was glad for it. This way, he didn't have to immediately deal with the awkwardness of the situation but could watch Even sleep for a while instead. They had fallen asleep with their faces mere inches apart from each other, Isak remembered vividly, remembered his last thought to be how easy it would be to lean forward and place a kiss on his lips, but by now Even had rolled over onto his back, blankets yet again pulled up all the way to his ears. His features were soft and relaxed, making him look so much younger than before. His mouth was slightly parted and his full lips caught Isak's attention. Now that Even was asleep, he could stare without feeling too guilty about it. 

This was definitely more than attraction. He thought Even was stunningly beautiful, the hottest person Isak had ever laid eyes on, but he also really, really liked him. Isak had never had to deal with anything like this, he had always been absolutely sure that the guys he hung out with were nothing more than his friends. But what was Even? Nothing had happened, they had just hung out, like friends did, but did Isak's racing heart and his raging morning wood change anything about that? It was hard for him to judge the situation with his head clouded by thoughts of Even's lips on his.

Now that he had noticed the way his dick was straining hard against the confines of his boxers, it was becoming difficult to ignore, and the sight of Even's lips right in front of him didn't help. Isak decided to get up and take a shower in order to avoid having to face Even like this, hearing his raspy morning voice, having to get up and walk to the door with a clearly visible bulge in his pants. Also, he needed to avoid daydreaming about Even any more than necessary. Watching him sleep and thinking about his lips didn't contribute much to that plan, so Isak sighed and got up earlier than he had in quite a while. 

He could hear Eskild already rummaging in the kitchen and tried to be as quiet as possible as he slipped into the bathroom and made his way straight into the shower, closing the shower curtain behind him. For a few minutes, he let the warm water run over the muscles in his back that were slowly starting to wake up and then washed his hair, taking his time like every morning. His dick was still hard by the time he moved on to rub soap into his skin, and he reached for it, deciding to take care of it instead of hoping for it to simply go away. If he was going to spend the day with Even, he might be better off like this anyway.

He closed his eyes and sighed at the first touch, squeezing himself tightly to relieve some of the pressure that had built up inside of him. He leaned his left forearm against the shower wall, looking down to watch the swollen head of his dick disappear into his fist in a slow but steady rhythm. He circled his thumb over the head, thoughts of Even finding their way back into his head without Isak being able to help it. 

He decided to let it happen. No one would ever find out, and there were definitely worse things to be turned on by. He thought of Even, lying in bed right now, waking up in the same situation that Isak had been in. Realizing that he was alone, pushing his hand down into those grey boxers of his, moaning at the touch, his head pressing back into the pillow, his hand squeezing the thick base of his dick until precum leaked onto his palm. 

Isak was panting, moving his hand faster over his skin, imagining Even to do the same to himself, stroking his hard dick in time with the movement of Isak's own hand without knowing so, biting those soft lips of his in pleasure. 

“Isak!” Eskild's high pitched voice that accompanied the bang of the bathroom door crashing against the wall as it was opened violently startled Isak enough to hit his head against the wall in a sudden move. For a second, he saw nothing but stars. “You need to tell me everything. Right. Now. I'm going to sit down and I will not leave until you've told me the whole story. I don't care if the water goes cold, I don't even care if your skin goes all wrinkly. Give me details. Now.”

Isak took a few seconds to breathe and check his forehead for blood. “Fuck, Eskild! What the hell!”, he managed, his voice sounding strangely cracked even to himself.

“Why didn't Even sleep on the couch? I was going to make him breakfast in bed, but it turns out he's naked in yours! In your arms, under your blanket, that is!”

“Neither of us were naked, Eskild.” Isak groaned. “But I am right now, very much so, so if you could just leave me be? Please?” 

Isak could hear Eskild sit down on the creaking toilet lid in protest. “I told you, I'm not leaving until you spill the beans.” 

“We just played fifa and he was too lazy to go back to the living room, that's all. No beans to spill, okay? Just let me take a shower in peace.”

“You played fifa? Oh my god, Isak, you have Even Bech Naesheim in your room at night and you decide to play one of your games?” Isak decided it wasn't worth answering and instead went for another round of shampoo to busy himself until it was safe to leave the shower. “Even if nothing happened, you sure looked cosy together. You sure there was nothing going on under those blankets?” 

“I think I would know.” At least Eskild's presence made Isak's dick calm down. More slowly than he would have liked, but his erection was definitely flagging. He reached for some of Eskild's expensive oils to rub into his hair next, simply out of spite. 

“Are you using my oils, Isak? Why don't you use the one I got you for Christmas, I saw it still sealed in your bedside drawer when I was looking for... stuff.” Isak blinked the water out of his eyes, the oil that was running down his face blurring his vision. 

“Oh my god, Eskild, I hate you as a roommate, seriously. Stay out of my stuff.” 

“Right back at you, Isak. You're insufferable, you know that? I tell you everything, all the time, and you don't even tell me when you have Even in your fucking bed. You didn't even tell me you were into guys, I had to find out by going through your porn stash!”

“Porn stash?” Isak turned off the water that was turning cold, deciding that he wasn't going to get a chance to get out of the shower without Eskild around. “Towel”, he demanded and held his hand out towards Eskild. 

“Yes, porn stash.” Eskild pressed a soft towel into Isak's waiting hand. It smelled like lavender, like it did every time Eskild did the laundry. He was an amazing roommate, but Isak would never admit it to him. “Those magazines with all the guys in there, talking about wanting to play?” 

“The gaming magazines? Goddammit, Eskild, those are just magazines, not everyone is looking for sex every chance they get.” Isak dried his hair quickly, trying not to think about the fact that Eskild had just unknowingly interrupted him thinking about nothing but sex, and then wrapped the towel around his waist, stepping out of the shower hastily, still dripping wet. Eskild was indeed sitting on the toilet lid, casting accusing glances at Isak. 

Once Isak had escaped the conversation by leaving the bathroom, Eskild on his heels, he promptly ran into Even in the hallway. Of course he did. Even was in his sweatpants and t-shirt, his hair a wild mess and pillow prints on his left cheek. Isak looked to the ground quickly and held on to his towel fiercely as he made his way past Even who looked slightly confused by the way Eskild followed a naked Isak out of the bathroom like it was nothing. 

Isak closed the door to his room behind him, leaving Even to deal with Eskild and got dressed in peace. He managed to resist the temptation to smell the pillow Even had slept on, and pushed the thoughts he had had about him into the darkest corner of his mind so that he was able to look Even in the eye during breakfast. 

As neither Eskild nor Even lacked ambition the way Isak did, they indeed started filming right after they were done eating. Even took a quick shower while Eskild and Isak cleared the table and Isak extinguished Eskild's attempt to pick up their earlier conversation at the roots once he tried to bring it up. Instead, he began talking about the upcoming challenge, and while doing so, he realized that he wasn't as opposed to it anymore as he had been the day before. This might be fun. It had been last night, when he had filmed with Even. 

Once Even had gotten out of the shower and thrown himself onto the sofa right next to Isak, smelling better than ever, his hair still slightly wet but already styled perfectly to keep out of his face, he asked: “What are we going to film?”

“The “Guess the Body Part” challenge!”, Eskild beamed and walked over to them, finally content with the angle in which he had set up the camera. 

It could have been worse. He could have made Isak do all sorts of ridiculous things, at least all he had to do was sit on the couch and guess body parts, probably looking at pictures online. At least that was how Isak understood the game. He only became aware of just how much he would hate and at the same time love it once Eskild presented him with a blindfold, camera already running, and told him that he would go first.

“In addition to figuring out which body part he is touching, Isak also has to guess whether it's Even's or mine, so it will be a double challenge”, Eskild explained to the camera, tying the blindfold tightly behind Isak's head. Isak couldn't see a thing, and he willed himself to stay calm. If he fucked up too badly, they wouldn't post the videos online if Isak really didn't want them to. It wasn't like he was live on screen. These were his friends, he wanted this, had agreed to this. It could be fun if he wanted it to be. He could feel someone grab his hand and knew immediately that it was Even, even before he heard him speak. 

“Are you okay?” 

Apart from the fact that he was about to be invited to touch Even, “Yes. I'm ready.” 

Even squeezed Isak's hand in his and let go of him. Isak could feel his weight lifting from the couch and soon enough he could hear him whispering something to Eskild on his right side. He strained to hear, to get a hint, but he couldn't understand a thing that was said. 

“Okay, Isak, first body part.” 

Isak sucked at the game almost as much as Even sucked at fifa. He hadn't touched a lot of people, was what he blamed his incompetence on. Out of his six tries, he only guessed one correct body part, which was Eskild's belly button. He didn't recognize any of the other by far weirder parts the two of them came up with, but for some reason he always knew who it was he was touching. He knew when it was Even that was stood before him without even having to touch him. He knew whether he was stood to his left or right, paid constant attention to where he was moving to, and knew effortlessly when they tried to trick him and played out complicated manoeuvres in order to confuse him. 

He touched Even's ear, his big toe, and finally his nipple. He guessed it was an elbow almost instantly even though he had realized what he had his hands on the second Even had moved his finger to his chest. There was no way he was going to touch Even's nipple on camera. There was no way he was going to touch it long enough to actually remember the feeling of it. 

When Isak pulled off the blindfold, he thought the worst was over, but he had been wrong. First, he and Even took turns letting Eskild touch them, which didn't bother Isak too much. What his body was interested in however, was the way Even whispered into his ear to communicate with him without Eskild listening in on them. The way his lips brushed his ear, the way he held onto the back of his head sometimes, pulling him in. 

Isak didn't like the way Eskild was touching Even, though. It only made Even laugh, and the places he chose weren't all that risky, but the flirtatious looks he gave the camera as Eskild touched his body, trying to make fun of it all, annoyed Isak beyond compare. 

Being touched by Even afterwards was even more exciting, and therefore worse, than touching him. Just to be on the safe side, he chose two relatively harmless body parts, his cheek and his armpit, which Even only guessed correctly after poking and rubbing at them for quite a while, and except for experiencing some pleasant shivers running down his spine at Even's touch, Isak felt fine. 

But then the final round neared. Isak had decided to go for his neck, taking the tension out of the game as Eskild had just made Even touch his happy trail. There was no way Isak was going down that way. 

He stood in front of Even who was sat on the couch, a wide smile decorating his lips, the blindfold doing things to his hair that made Isak's stomach drop, when he heard Eskild yell from somewhere behind him, hyped as he had expected him to be once the camera was running. 

“Last round! I'm in the lead right now but if you guess this correctly you will get double points! Only if you use your lips though. You may not touch, but only kiss or lick.”

Isak turned his head around so quickly he could feel something snap in his neck. “What?” He looked down at Even who licked his lips, laughing, unsurprisingly ready to go along with it.

“Is that a no, Isak?” He lifted his head as if he was looking up at him even though he couldn't see him. Isak knew that Even meant it, too, regardless of the smile on his face and the amusement in his tone. He could yet again hear the caution in Even's voice, the way he seemed to respect Isak's limited comfort zone so much more than Isak was used to.

Isak heard himself speak but wasn't really aware of what he was saying. Not until he heard Eskild cheer and felt him push him forward slightly and the step he took towards Even made his nose brush against his stomach for a second before Isak could think to sink to his knees. He grabbed the couch cushions for support, his knuckles turning white with the force at which he held on to them. Then he tilted his head to the side and only then thought about how he was going to do this, as Even wasn't allowed to use his hands anymore. He decided to pull Even in at the back of his head and was surprised at how eager Even was to follow along. His hair felt soft against Isak's fingers and he had to resist the temptation to pull lightly at the strands. 

Then he could feel Even's warm breath on his skin, his lips brushed his neck almost tenderly before he pressed them against the pulsating vein in Isak's neck. Isak felt the touch of his lips in his entire body and he had to close his eyes for a second to make sure he wouldn't simply pass out. Even kissed him once, twice, not going for a full on open mouthed kiss, thank god, but stuck to peppering small, almost innocent kisses onto Isak's tingling skin, exploring the area. Isak wanted nothing more than to lean into the touch, feel Even's lips open against him, feel the wetness of them, have him suck at his skin and maybe bite a few angry red marks into it. 

He didn't think the camera was close enough to capture the way Even hesitated for a second and then pushed closer just the tiniest bit, probably reacting to Isak's almost unnoticeable movement towards him. Then he opened his mouth, his wet lips setting Isak's entire body on fire, and began to paint small circles onto Isak's skin with the tip of his tongue, his opened lips pressed against him so that his teasing wouldn't ever be visible on the footage. Isak knew at once that Even was aware of what he was doing, where he was kissing him. He could probably feel the rapid beating of Isak's pulse. Isak bit down on his lip hard to hold back a gasp but knew at once that he failed miserably and tried to cover it up with a cough which made Even pull away from him. 

It hadn't lasted more than three seconds but Isak's body was hot all over. He had to sit down to hide the bulge that was unavoidably forming in his jeans and almost didn't hear Even ask “was it your balls, Isak? Did I win?” over Eskild's ecstatic cries in the background.


	6. Chapter 6

Usually, Isak demanded to see Eskild's finalized version of any video Isak was in before he let him upload it. This time, he didn't care. He told Eskild to do whatever with the footage and shut himself in his room the second Even had finally left and he was home alone. 

They had had a quick lunch together at the train station Eskild and Isak had walked Even to before saying goodbye. Even apparently still had his roommate's birthday party to attend tonight which was why it was only 5PM by the time Isak was back at their flat on his own. Eskild had went straight over to Noora's place to edit yesterday's challenge with her help, and Isak had been more than happy for some alone time. 

He spent the evening gaming and chatting with Jonas, trying to push all thoughts of Even and the last 24 hours out of his mind. Instead of obsessing over the past, he decided to make some plans for the future, giving himself some much needed motivation to get up in the morning, and invited Jonas to come visit some time soon. 

Jonas lived about five hours from Oslo, and they had only seen each other three times before, always in the summer holidays. They had been friends for years, though, and Isak couldn't wait to catch up with him in person. After he had made Jonas promise he would check his schedule, Isak began loading fifa. It was no fun tonight though. The whole thing reminded him of Even, of the laughter lines on his face, his tiny eyes, his body underneath his blanket, his lips sucking at his skin, almost knocking him out. 

Annoyed with himself, Isak threw the controller back on the desk and turned the screen off without bothering to shut down the game. He leaned back in his chair, looking around his room for a while. It really did look horrible. A mess of clothes, food, games, and all sorts of rubbish in various stages of decay was splattering the floor around his bed which would form a safe island had it not been covered in scattered cables and lose discs. 

He had been sitting around on his butt for half a year, not having a single thing to do, and couldn't even manage to keep his room relatively decent. Struck by a sudden wave of motivation Isak grabbed a roll of trash bags from the kitchen and spent the next few hours deep cleaning, falling onto his newly changed sheets in exhaustion once he was done. 

Even's scent on Isak's dirty sheets was being washed away by the washing machine over night, but the memory of his body on the mattress next to him, the way he had bumped his butt into Isak's by accident while turning around and taking the blanket with him, the way his lips had looked so damn kissable in the morning, was enough to get Isak off that night. 

He woke up around midday on Monday when Eskild, having stayed over at Noora's, called him to give him a last chance to review and refuse the video before it was going online. Isak declined the offer. He knew that once he saw the footage he was going to want to rip it from Eskild's hands and burn it. Eskild however had been so excited about the entire thing, Isak didn't want to ruin it for him simply because he was convinced he was embarrassing himself. Isak would probably never be comfortable seeing himself on screen, no matter how hard Eskild tried to make him loosen up. 

At that thought, he remembered his Saturday night gaming session with Even. It had been the most fun he had ever had filming. After getting a bowl of cereal from the kitchen for breakfast, Isak sat down at his desk and pulled up the footage on his camera. It was almost two hours long. Isak watched it twice in a row. Then he began editing, only pausing to have dinner with Eskild and listen to his stories about his spa day at Noora's which they had live blogged the way they usually did together once a week. 

Eskild complimented Isak's room for about twenty minutes and then retreated into his own room for the evening, claiming to have a skype date with his mum when really Isak could see grindr open on his phone. Isak ended up falling asleep at his desk again, having almost finished his process of editing. 

The next day, he talked to Even again. Isak was ready to upload their fifa video but wanted to ask for Even's permission first. He felt weird sending him a message. Like what had happened between them at the weekend had been too personal to now go back to a simple facebook message. When really, nothing had happened. Nothing at all. Isak let the mouse hover over the “add as friend” button for a while before he finally clicked it and sent his message before he could change his mind.

Despite Eskild's claim that Even sucked at texting back, it only took him a minute to reply. He agreed to Isak uploading the video, which Isak did in an instant. Once it was done, he closed youtube and turned his phone off deliberately to avoid checking for comments obsessively. A short while later, Even messaged him again, asking what he thought of their Body Part Challenge video from Sunday. 

“haven't watched it yet”, Isak admitted. 

“you should. it's good. people like it.”

Feeling curious after all, Isak opened the video on Eskild's channel and promptly choked on his coffee when he saw how many views it had gotten in only two days. Sometimes he forgot just how many subscribers Eskild and Even had. He scrolled down to the comment section out of habit while he let the video buffer. What he read made him blush first and panic second. 

Despite the video being uploaded on Eskild's channel, Even and Isak were all people talked about. Isak didn't take his time to read through a lot of it before jumping up and practically running over to Eskild's room, banging at the door impatiently. 

“What can I do for you, Isak?” Eskild asked, once Isak had let himself in and stood frozen in the doorway, almost having to gasp for air from his little run. 

“The video. Have you seen the comments?” 

“Of course I've seen, it's my channel. Come on in, will you?” Eskild was laying on his bed in silk pyjamas, reading a pretentious looking hardcover book. As Isak sank onto the edge of the bed, he rolled onto his side and looked at him expectantly. “Did you expect people not to pick up on it?”

“I... pick up on what? I don't even understand what they're saying other than that they think we're... cute? I guess?” Isak pulled a face at his own words. But it was true, half of the comments underneath the video hadn't made sense to him. People were yelling at each other in capslock, throwing around words like “otp” and “relationship goals”, telling each other how much they had cried and died multiple deaths while watching. 

“Isak, have you watched it yet? Have you seen yourself look at Even? Have you seen him look at you? The death stare he's giving me every time I touch you? The way your jealous streak is showing when he pretends to be into having my hands on him? God, Isak, even I ship you two.” Eskild closed his book, but left his finger in between the pages. “The way you look like you're about to come when he kisses that sexy neck of yours? You haven't seen it, otherwise you wouldn't ask these clueless questions.” 

“I... what?” Isak felt hot all of a sudden, and he got up and walked to the window. By the time he got there, he had forgotten what he had gotten up for. 

“To spell it out for you, Isak, you two look like you've fucked each other senseless after filming.” Isak already knew his face was about as red as it could be, but at Eskild's words he actually cringed. “Just to make sure: You didn't, did you?”

“Oh my god, you were with us the entire time.” 

“Not on Saturday night, I wasn't. The night you apparently 'played fifa', in which 'nothing happened'.” Eskild painted heavy quotation marks into the air whilst speaking. 

“Eskild, I'm not even into guys, can you stop it?” Isak turned around to look out the window, knowing Eskild wouldn't buy his blatant lie. He could practically see Eskild rolling his eyes behind him. 

“You keep telling yourself that. Did you or did you not almost come in your pants at his touch?”

“Fuck you, Eskild, fuck you. Please just make this go away?”

Eskild actually laughed out loud at this. “The internet doesn't just go away, Isak. Let them talk, why do you care if it's 'not true' anyway?” Another set of quotation marks was painted into the air. 

“Because I don't want the whole world to have their mind set on me being a certain way when I'm not. I never wanted to do youtube to begin with, people just claim you as theirs once you're out there, I fucking hate it.” 

“Okay, you're overreacting. Come here, I'll give you a backrub.” Eskild reached his hands out into Isak's general direction and made grabby hands at him. 

Isak shook his head violently, but he forced himself to take a few deep breaths regardless. They were just rumours, Eskild was right. There was no reason for Isak to care that much. “Is it that they're hoping for it to be true, or do they actually believe it's real? There's a difference there.” Isak tried to calm his voice, reminding himself that none of this was Eskild's fault. 

“Both. If you really wanted it to go away, you would have to stay away from Even completely though. Don't mention him, don't talk about you being into guys at all, don't ever allude to you being into anyone for that matter, or they'll make it about Even. You don't want that, do you? Just play along with it, you can deal with the shit about us, too, can't you?” 

“I kind of just uploaded the collab with Even though, do you think that's bad?”

Eskild frowned, but Isak could see the delight in his eyes that he was trying too hard to hide. “Well, it's not bad at all. If you want to see 'Evak' take off that is.” 

“Evak?”

“Even and Isak? Seriously, for all the time that you spend online, you really have some catching up to do.”

“I will go and delete that video”, Isak mumbled and hastily walked towards the door. He already knew Eskild was going to stop him from leaving before he got there. 

“No no no, you won't”, Eskild placed his hands on Isak's shoulders once he had thrown his body between Isak and the door in overly dramatic fashion. “Listen. You like Even, that's alright, everyone does. You filmed a video with him and you enjoyed it, yes? If that's truly all there is to it, then there's no need to feel ashamed of anything. I mean, not that there would be if there was anything going on. The point is, you have to stop giving a shit about what people say about you. You give them power over you, that's all you're doing. And then you come in here daily”, he gestured around his room wildly, “complaining about how your viewers are trying to control your life. It's you who's letting them do that.”

Isak let himself be pushed backwards until he was sat on Eskild's bed again. He could see his point, but he couldn't just decide whether things got to him or not, could he? For a second, he tried to shove Eskild's hands away when they began to rub at his shoulders soothingly. Not in a sexy way. There was nothing attractive about Eskild. The pressure on his constantly cramped shoulders, screaming for exercise, felt too good to refuse though, and so Isak gave up his fight rather quickly. 

“Do you seriously feel like I made you do youtube? Like I am making you do anything?” Eskild sounded sad enough to make Isak feel bad about his words. 

“I don't.” He took Eskild's hands off of him and turned to face him. “Sometimes you're pushy, but I know you mean well. And I enjoy it, I do. It's a love/hate relationship, though. Right now I quite hate it.” 

Eskild pouted for a while, until Isak distracted him and made them watch both videos together, the challenge and the collab he had just uploaded. He could tell Eskild tried his hardest not to get too excited about the whole thing and give Isak his honest opinion. 

“I get where they're coming from, I can't deny that. But it doesn't look too bad. Like, you could read it both ways, you always can, but it's not like you declared your love for Even or anything. Even though I really wish you had, it would have totally made the number of hits break records”, he finally exclaimed. “I still don't believe you though, when you say there's absolutely nothing between you, that you don't even see how hot he is.” 

Isak did see it. He totally did. To his own dismay he could also see what his viewers where on about. He might have stared at Even every now and then, they might have looked at each other more than at the screen during their fifa session. There was a moment at which Isak had totally checked out Even's abs underneath his white t-shirt. He might have even licked his lips while doing so. Unrelated, of course. What he couldn't see, was how they all claimed Even was just as infatuated with Isak as Isak was with him. In Isak's opinion, Even was being flirty, yes, but not any more than he was with Eskild. He was a friendly person, a touchy one, soft and caring, watching out for Isak during the mess of their challenge, but that didn't mean he had been “eye fucking” him, like the comments claimed. 

Isak almost startled at Eskild's voice. “Do you think he's gay?” Eskild actually moved to stroke Even's face on screen, pausing the video so that his laughter was perfectly caught in time. 

Isak had to clear his throat before he could speak. His voice sounded strained when he did. “How would I know?”

“Well, it's usually easy to tell, but I'm not entirely sure with Even. And that's a first. I think he's into you, but I'm not sure he's into guys generally. He might not know it yet. He's definitely not out, I would have heard about that” 

“Into me?” Isak repeated, stupidly. He had leaned back into Eskild's massive number of pillows while they had been watching the videos, and now it took a great amount of effort to hoist himself back up. 

“Of course he's into you. He's all over you, Isak. Holding your hand, leaning into you all the time, kissing you...”

“You made him do that”, Isak pointed out and realized it was time he retreated into his own room and left Eskild to his speculations. They were nothing more than that. Speculations. Nothing to get either worried or excited about. 

“Yes but he could have done it any other way than that!” Eskild pointed at the screen like that would make it clear what he meant. “Tell me, was there tongue involved? It kinda did look like it. Tumblr can't tell, they're fighting over it right now.” It was only then that Isak saw that Eskild had his phone open at the same time as he watched the screen. 

“I'm going to bed, good night”, he explained, and this time Eskild was too lazy to hold him back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos <3 <3 <3

Isak basically spent the entire Wednesday and Thursday morning scrolling through the comment sections on both videos and the messages he received on his instagram account. He pretended doing something else by changing locations every now and then, moving from the kitchen to the living room to his bed, but who was he even kidding. He was glad he had decided against any more social media accounts. The amount of people that contacted him via youtube and instagram was overwhelming, and his follower count was increasing drastically hour by hour merely due to his collaboration with Even. 

He also watched Even's videos regularly now, having subscribed to his channel the way he had done to his. Ever since Sunday, Even had uploaded five videos. Two of them were vlogs filmed during the birthday party on Sunday night, in which he introduced his wasted roommate Sonja to the camera. She was holding onto him rather desperately, Isak thought. The Monday one was a Q&A about his life in which he talked some more about his dream of becoming a director. Isak had watched it four times in a row. Tuesday, Even had uploaded some artistic, animated short clip Isak hadn't understood and been bored with. Yesterday, it had been a compilation of himself climbing all sorts of trees. It had confused Isak beyond compare. 

Thursday afternoon, Isak decided that first, it was time to stop obsessing, and second, it was time to leave the house for a bit. He grabbed his laptop and went to get lunch with some old acquaintances from school at a rather crappy pizza place. After he got tired of their company, they parted ways and Isak walked around the park, even thinking of calling his mum or dad simply to avoid being stuck inside for the rest of the day, getting worked up about the comments and rewatching both videos again and again. It had been long enough. He should be getting over it. They were just anonymous people spinning wild stories about him. 

He had just sat down on a bench to figure out what to do with himself, when he received a facebook notification. Usually, he swiped facebook messenger away without even bothering with it, knowing that the people he actually cared about conversing with would either text or call. He caught Even's name on the screen though, and hurriedly swiped right, tapping at the screen repeatedly to make it load faster. 

“did you see evak trending on twitter? hope it doesn't bother you too much. i quite miss you.” 

Isak didn't care that his fingers were freezing in the cold while he stared at his phone and read the message over and over again. Eskild ended almost every conversation that they had via text with either kisses, hugs, or a statement that he missed him. No one else Isak knew did so. Jonas usually logged out with a simple good night, he received the occasional heart emoji from the girls, but even that had taken some time. He had met Even only once, it wasn't a friendship “miss you”. 

It took Isak a while to type a response he was happy with, his fingers numb by the time he pressed send. 

“i saw the comments, didn't know about twitter. it's alright. you can come see me any time you like, i'm not that busy”

He hoped Even didn't know how much of an understatement “not that busy” really was. Nervously, he waited for a reply and stared down the little bubble that had appeared to indicate that Even was typing. Had he been too forward? Maybe Even had been planning to do what Eskild had tentatively suggested to Isak. Stay away from one another. It scared Isak how much he hoped it wasn't what Even had in mind. 

“like today? i can be there in a bit over an hour”

Relief washed over Isak for a second before his insides were taken over by the tingling feeling of nervousness. 

“yes”, he replied simply, not wanting to waste another minute. Then he added: “but don't come to my place, let's get coffee”. He sent Even an address, waited for him to reply with a thumbs up, and headed towards his favourite coffee shop. 

He knew that Eskild was filming with Eva and Vilde today, trying out those new make up products Eva had talked about. He didn't want to be in their way, but mostly, he didn't want them to be in their way. It was embarrassing, but he wanted Even to himself. Eskild on his own was bad enough, but once the girls got their hands on him, they wouldn't let go of him until the time he had to leave. Which would probably be tonight. Or was he planning on staying over again? 

Isak had three large coffees while he waited. He busied himself by cleaning out his laptop, writing some emails that had been piling up, and eventually even scanned the coffee shop's website for job openings as he was too scared to ask the staff in person. He couldn't find anything though which was why he gave up quickly and ended up typing “Evak” into the google search bar. 

His probably rather pitiful internet search quickly led him to Even's and his tumblr tag, where he found what he was looking for. He remembered Eskild saying something about it being the place to be when you were into fandoms, but he couldn't see why. All the website presented him with were gifs over gifs from the same two videos. Isak didn't understand why he couldn't just watch the whole thing instead. 

Still, he hesitantly scrolled down, virtually reliving the weekend as he stared at Even's face in a thousand different variations. He watched himself stare at Even, watched Even reach for his hand before the challenge began, and blushed as he realized how Even indeed looked at him quite a lot in both videos, now that it was being pointed out to him. Whether it really was admiration in his eyes, Isak couldn't tell, but he did look. And he did want to see him again, he did say he quite missed him. Maybe, a very big maybe, his crush on Even wasn't as hopeless as it seemed. Now that he watched the clips out of context, over and over again, it almost seemed believable. 

Isak didn't want to think further than that, didn't want to freak himself out by thinking about the consequences, of him having to eventually admit that maybe he was a little bit gay – only for Even of course – of him getting to actually be with Even. It was too much to wrap his head around which was why Isak concentrated on the facts at hand.

They were getting to know each other. They were... maybe going on a date? Today? Did Even coming all the way to Oslo just for coffee mean it was a date? Hell, for all he knew, Even was straight. 

He waited for two hours. Ordered his fourth coffee. Eventually got freaked out the further he scrolled down the Evak tag. It was like their “shippers” were inside his head. Even's face. Even's abs. Even looking at him. Even's nipples zoomed in. Isak's jealous face right next to it. And over and over again, Even's lips against his skin. There were drawings of it, gifs over gifs, screenshots, edits. There was fanfiction about them. Isak clicked a picture of what his and Even's babies would look like. It was like his daydreams had materialized on his screen, but scarily, he hadn't put them there. 

The amount of coffee he consumed, started to get to his head. He felt wired, excited, more awake than he had in months. Even was coming to see him. Even might be interested in him. They might be on a date.

“Hello.”

It had only been three days, but Isak felt like he hadn't seen him in years. At the sight of Even walking up to his lonely table he jumped up, far too much energy in his system, and literally threw his arms around him. He was too excited to be embarrassed, and hearing Even laugh into his hair made the whole thing worthwhile. He hugged him back, too. Not just the way you'd hug a distant relative or an annoying friend. He pulled Isak against his chest tightly, wrapping his tall body around him in a way that made Isak want to stay right there, in his arms, forever.

It was a few seconds until either of them was ready to let go, and Isak's hands disentangled themselves from underneath Even's two hoods deliberately slow. His attention was caught by the way Even's hair stuck up from his head once he had pulled of his beanie and dropped it on the table. He slid into the chair across from Isak, too far away from him, and took in the cup of coffee in between them. 

“You said coffee was gross”, he mused, raising a challenging eyebrow at Isak. 

“Some days it's not. Sometimes you just need it,” Isak beamed. He should have stopped after the second cup. Even should not have let him wait for two hours. 

Even grabbed for a menu and scanned it half heartedly. “What kind of day is this?” 

Isak shrugged his shoulders and closed his laptop, suddenly glad that he had sat down with the back to the wall so that there was no way Even could have seen their future baby on the screen. 

Even ordered hot chocolate with sprinkles and flirted back happily when the waitress talked some shit about sweet boys always ordering the sweetest things. 

Isak frowned, his ecstatic mood dropping the tiniest bit. 

“How have you been doing?”, Even asked, putting his face into his hands, looking like he was ready to listen for a while. 

“Good. Nothing special going on”, Isak replied. He took a sip from his coffee, ignoring the playfully insulted look Even gave him at once. “Tell me, why did you climb all those trees? What's wrong with you?”

Even laughed at that. “You didn't think it was funny?”

“Was it meant to be?” 

“Well, in a way. Did you watch the video before that?”

“The animated one?”

“Yes. Go watch it again, you'll figure it out.” Even took the hot chocolate from the waitress and gave her a bright smile. A heterosexual smile. Isak's mood was almost back to him being his usual self. “I like the way you edited our fifa episode. It's fun to watch.” 

Isak could feel his chest swell with pride at that. “I tried to do some of the things I watched you do, but I couldn't remember much. I also don't have the program.” 

“I can give it to you when you come over some time.” Even waved the waitress back over to their table and ordered a muffin. Thoughts of getting on the train to spend the weekend at Even's place were sending endorphins through Isak's body. “Did you want anything?” Isak shook his head. 

“I had lunch with people from school. It was boring as fuck. I didn't really want to go, but I can't hang out with Eskild 24/7, he's making me lose my mind.” 

Even was leaning over the table, sipping his hot chocolate, studying Isak with an intent look. “Did you grow apart? Or did you never like them much to begin with?”

“Both. It was fine when we had school to talk about, they were okay, but now it's awkward. And they're all doing their things, too, and I have nothing to say. Like, you're all I did last week.”

Isak knew he had fucked up the second the words were forming in his mouth. He dropped his gaze to the table, stammering, but he could still hear Even laugh. 

“I didn't know you did me, Isak. Congratulations! Was I any good?” 

“I mean. When you came over. Is what I mean.” 

Isak was already blushing, but he turned scarlet when Even reached for his hand on the table and gave it a quick squeeze. “I know, I'm joking.” Why did he have to keep taking his hand? Very date like. It made Isak shiver. 

“Speaking of doing it, can I ask you a question, though?” Isak kind of froze, but nodded nonetheless. “How upset was Eskild that he didn't get to do me? I mean, did he only invite me over to hit on me or was it alright the way it went? Cause I wouldn't want him to get his hopes up and all by asking him to hang out again, but I kind of want to.” 

Even definitely didn't have as much of an inferiority complex as Isak did. He stared him down confidently, licking chocolate from the corner of his mouth. Did he know he was getting Isak's hopes up? Did he care for them? If he wanted to make sure Eskild knew where they stood, it probably didn't matter anyway. 

“Eskild will be fine, don't worry. He's not stupid, he knows when someone's not interested.” Unlike me, he added, ruefully. 

“That's good then.” 

“Mhmh.”

“How come he's not into you, Isak?”

“Me?” Isak pretended to take another sip of coffee even though his mug was already empty. He considered ordering a fifth one. Definitely decaf this time. 

“You.” 

“Why would he be? He says it wouldn't be healthy, anyway, cause we live together. But I don't think he's ever considered it, really.” 

“Do you agree? Would you date your roommate? Thanks.” Even took his muffin from the waitress with another bright smile. Sparkling eyes and everything. 

“No, I don't think so. Must suck if you break up. Would you?” Even was too busy chewing the enormous bite of chocolate dough he had taken, but he nodded without hesitation. Since he had nothing to lose other than his happiness, Isak added: “Sonja? Would you date her?” 

Even swallowed. The corners of his mouth were smeared with chocolate again but he didn't seem to notice this time. “I did. For quite a while actually. But now we're just roommates again.” Isak felt the impact of his words as if he had punched him in the stomach instead. There he had his answer. He wished he hadn't asked. Wished he had kept his hopes up for a bit longer. “It did suck when we broke up, but we figured it out better than I thought we would. So yeah, I'd do it again. But now I don't have any roommates left to date.” 

Even laughed at his own joke and Isak could feel the smile on his own face but nowhere else in his body. Here he had been, thinking, no, hoping that he was on a date with Even, when really Even was probably hoping to get the waitress' number, telling him about his ex, whom he still lived with, using Eskild's crush on him as a way to make sure Isak would get the memo. He was straight. As straight as it would get. Eskild not being able to tell his sexuality should have been proof enough for Isak. 

No wonder the whole shipping thing didn't seem to get to Even. The only reason Isak cared so much was because he desperately wished it was true. He wished he was as confident about his preferences as Eskild was, he wished he could deny them as confidently as Even did. But he couldn't. He liked Even. And not in a friend way. He craved his lips on him again, any way he could get. The simple thought of Even sleeping next to him was still enough for Isak to fall asleep with a hard on every night, staring at the empty spot on the mattress next to him. Definitely not the friend way. 

They sat in silence for a while until Even broke it again. “I was going to ask you, does the whole Evak thing bother you?” 

“You've already asked me that. Kind of. I gave you an answer”, Isak somewhat snapped. He knew he had offended Even by the confused look in his eye. Shit. He had to get his emotions under control. His crushed hopes and dreams could wait until later. “Sorry. It doesn't bother me too much. I don't know. It's weird, isn't it? All we did was play some games and the whole world thinks we're...” He cut himself off there, not knowing how to phrase it. Instead, he waved his hand in the air in a gesture that said “you know what I mean”. 

“Definitely weird, yes. But also kind of fun, isn't it?” Even smiled. His muffin was almost gone and he used the last piece to gather up crumbs. “I remember that it bothered you with Eskild, though, so I just wanted to make sure. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about it. If you are, then I'll know not to bring it up or anything. I won't play along with it unless you say it's cool.” 

“It's cool.” Isak heard himself say. He didn't know why he kept agreeing to things he didn't really feel like agreeing to. Maybe because he couldn't explain his reasons for refusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, Isak is so quick to judge haha, like he's never even heard of people identifying as anything other than straight or gay, it make me cringe myself. But he's a little naive sometimes i guess, he's also been avoiding the topic :D


	8. Chapter 8

Even ended up ordering more hot chocolate after he was done, and Isak eventually agreed to have a cup as well. He began to seriously wish he'd actually work at the coffee shop, just so that he would get a discount on his numerous drinks and treats. After his initial wave of disappointment and self pity, he shoved all thoughts of Evak, real or not, to the back of his head and focused on having a good time with Even. It wasn't that hard to do after all. Even was the most interesting person Isak had ever hung out with. He could probably spend days on end with him without getting tired of him.

They stayed at the coffee shop until it closed. Even had a coughing fit once he saw on the bill how much coffee Isak had consumed on a single afternoon. He actually placed his hand on Isak's chest on their way out, pretending to check whether his heart was still beating. He fell into a lecture about what coffee did to your body and Isak was happy to listen, not taking in any of his actual words but merely enjoying the sound of his voice. 

They went back to the park and Even asked some more about Isak's friends from school. There was not much to tell. Isak hardly hung out with them these days. He had been rather close with Magnus and Mahdi when they had all played on the school's football team together, but now that they had both gotten into uni, Isak hardly ever saw them and if he did, they just went through the mandatory “how are you doing”, “what classes are you taking and which ones are you failing” talk. 

Isak tried to ask about Even's time at high school, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it in much detail, only admitting that it hadn't been that amazing. He brought Sonja up again though and informed Isak that they had been high school sweethearts, an information that Isak stored deep inside to cry about later. Just to change the topic, he told Even that he had been thinking about working at the coffee shop. He had gotten fired from his work at Game Stop because he had always been late and called in sick though, so he didn't feel very confident about dropping by and leaving his resume there. 

Even was excited over the idea however. “I'll come by every other day and you can make me hot chocolate and I'll sit at the counter and do stuff for uni next semester and watch you work. It'll be amazing. I might even move to Oslo for real once I'm back at uni”, he mused, and for a second, Isak agreed. He loved to hear Even talk this way. That he seemed to plan on them spending time together in the future. It also hurt. 

“You'd have to seriously tone down your coffee consumption if you worked at a place like that though, I don't want you dying on me. Not in such young age.” Even bumped his shoulder into Isak's so that he swayed to the side slightly. It had gotten dark outside hours ago and the park was only illuminated by a few street lights. Even was wearing his winter coat over two jumpers and had his beanie back on. His face was protected from the cold January air by a thick scarf so that Isak could only see his eyes whenever he turned to look at him. They were sparkling endlessly, full of joy. 

“Maybe I'll get you addicted, too. If you hang out there every day.” Isak's breath was clearly visible in the air in front of him when he spoke. He should have brought a warmer jacket. 

“Won't happen. I'm on some medication that would need adjustment if I started drinking coffee.” Regardless of Even having offered the information willingly, Isak could feel the tension in the air immediately. Like Even was nervous all of a sudden. 

Isak thought of asking, but didn't want to pry. Instead, he chose a safe answer. “So that's why you're so bitter about it, cause you can't have it.” He was glad to hear Even's huff of a laughter, almost relieved. Even always took such great care to not make Isak uncomfortable, he wanted to treat him the same way. 

“Yes, it's jealousy. Of your ruined body that's going to get all wrinkly and yellow in a few years. I'm not gonna touch you then, you've been warned.” 

Isak didn't care. He wanted Even to touch him now. Right now in this second. He wanted him to hold his hand like he had done before, not only briefly but for the rest of the day. Possibly the night too. 

“Coffee doesn't turn you yellow”, Isak mumbled, pushing his hands deeper into the pockets of his thin jacket. He was freezing. Also, he was way too tempted to touch Even. Casually, of course, but he craved his touch nonetheless. He wanted to link his arm underneath Even's, wanted to feel his body heat, touch his face that was reddened by the cold. 

“It so does. At least your teeth.” 

They walked in silence for quite some time. He could get used to this, Isak thought. But he shouldn't. Every time he looked at Even, his body wanted to scream with happiness, but instead he realized over and over again that it was never going to happen. He hadn't really thought that Even was into him before, but now that he knew it wasn't even a possibility, he somehow still felt as if something had been violently ripped from his insides. Some stupid fantasy he shouldn't have had in the first place.

This wasn't going to become a regular thing for them. Even visiting him in Oslo, Isak taking the train to his place, staying over the night. Getting him into fifa after all, helping him film some of those useless videos he liked to do. Listening to him talking about films and life at university, making it sound like fun, like something Isak might want to try after all, at some point in his life. Even sleeping next to him again, holding him close in his sleep. It wasn't going to happen and it hurt more than Isak had thought it would, considering he hadn't even known Even a week ago.

It felt like there had been a place for Even in his life all along, like all they had had to do was let it happen. Even had fit perfectly and now it turned out he didn't after all. 

“You see those girls over there?” Even pointed towards a group of teenagers they were slowly nearing, gathered around a bench, talking among themselves, looking over at them. “I bet you a hot chocolate that they're gonna come talk to us. Two if they ask for a picture.” 

“Why would I bet against that? They've obviously recognized you. I'd want a picture with you, too, if I was them.” The words were out before Isak could think and he bit his lip. It actually hurt, that was how frozen his face was. Even laughed but didn't answer, as two of the girls had already made their way over to them. 

Even was amazing with them. He gave hugs, smiled, took pictures, pulled Isak into them. They were mainly interested in Even, but they knew who Isak was. They wouldn't have known last week. Even asked some polite questions, signed a phone case and drew a little heart on it. He looked like a real celebrity. Isak was proud of him. As if Even would ever need him to be. He was so grounded, so sure about his path in life, he didn't even need Isak to be supportive. He was doing just fine on his own. 

It took a while until they could continue walking. Isak was glad none of the girls had brought up the whole Evak thing, it would have made him incredibly uncomfortable, especially as he was out with Even right in this moment. He had seen it in their eyes though. The looks they gave them, eyes moving from Even to Isak and back again. He might have imagined it however, as he had spent all day in the tag and the comments, his view might be biased right now. Maybe it wasn't as big a thing as he thought it was. 

“I'm going to have to head home”, Even eventually sighed. “I wish I could stay but I have this thing tomorrow morning and can't miss the last train.” Together they walked to the edge of the park from where Even could easily reach the station and Isak wasn't too far from home. At this point, Isak had basically turned into an icicle and was shivering all over. When they had started walking, every now and then a couple or a family had passed them, going the other way, but the park was completely deserted now. It was dark apart from the light of a lonely street lamp under which they came to a halt. Isak took his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and checked the time, fingers stiff from the cold. It was later than he had thought it would be. 

“What are you doing?”, he asked as Even reached for Isak's phone once he had it out. Even swiped the screen to the left wordlessly, opening the front camera, and leaned into Isak. His left arm wrapped around his back, pulling him in closer. He extended his right arm to take the picture and Isak automatically looked to the ground, blushing once he realized what Even was doing. What he hadn't expected was the feeling of Even's lips against his cheek. Not quite his cheek. It was almost the corner of his mouth. His scarf was getting in the way, but Isak could still feel his warm breath against his icy face, his slightly wet, soft lips pressing against his skin for a heavenly second. 

“You wanted a picture”, Even breathed. He turned Isak around so that they faced each other and slid the phone back into Isak's back pocket without looking at the picture he had taken. Isak tensed up the second his hands brushed against his butt. “Jesus, you're freezing.” 

Even wrapped his arms around Isak tightly, tighter than anyone had ever held him, and Isak didn't hesitate to pull him in even closer, breathing him in, burying his face in Even's scarf, his neck, his beanie covered hair. He smelled so incredibly good. He could feel Even's hands rubbing against his back for a while, trying to give him some warmth, but eventually his movements stilled and they just stood together, sharing the little body heat they had left, not willing to let go. Isak buried his hands in one of Even's hoods, sighing contently at the feeling of the warm fabric shielding him from the cold. 

He could feel Even's deep breathing even through all their layers of clothing, imagined his steady heartbeat, strong and unmistakable. Their chests were pressed together as close as they could be, their upper legs touched, that's how little space there was left in between them. Isak closed his eyes. This was how he was going to remember Even. His tall body wrapped around his smaller one, folding himself around Isak so that nothing bad would ever happen to him. He was safe, life was happening somewhere else. All that mattered was that Even was holding him, breathing into his hair. He was almost tall enough to let his head rest on top of Isak's, but not quite, so they were content to press their heads together instead, not willing to leave a single part of their bodies untouched. 

They stood together like that for forever, ignoring the time, the weather, Even's last train leaving soon. Isak wanted him to miss it, wanted him to stay over in his bed. They didn't even have to kiss, let alone more, he would be happy just holding Even, having Even hold him, too. 

“I gotta go.” Even's voice was barely more than a whisper. He pushed his hands into Isak's hair, holding him close for another second, and then took a step back, finally letting go. For an embarrassingly long moment, Isak still held on to him, following him backwards, but then their bodies separated and Isak felt the cold bite into his skin harder than ever. 

“Okay.”

“I'll see you soon. I can come by again. You can always come visit, too.” 

It felt like so much more than a “good bye, friend, I'll see you the next time we'll hang out.” Isak felt like crying actual tears as Even took a step backwards and gave him a relatively careless smile. He waved, Isak waved back, and then he turned around and walked towards the station, not turning around again even though Isak waited until he was out of sight. 

Isak almost expected it to start raining on his way home, just because it would match his mood, but it didn't. Once he arrived at his flat he was glad to find it empty. Eskild might be in his room, but at least the girls had already left. Maybe they had all gone out together after filming. Either way, Isak headed straight for the shower and stayed in there until his body had warmed up again. 

After that, he went straight to bed. He was a little bit hungry but didn't know what he was in the mood for, so he sank into his sheets and took a nap, hoping for his thoughts to have cleared and his mood to have picked up once he awoke. 

When he did wake up, it was almost 4AM. Isak felt too hot, having turned the heater up all the way earlier, and he got up and turned it off. Feeling half starved, he made himself too many sandwiches and a cup of tea. On the way back to bed he got his phone out of his jeans that he had unceremoniously dropped on the floor earlier. He still didn't feel any better. He knew what it was but wasn't in the mood for trying to make himself feel better.

He felt like he had just been dumped, wailing in self pity and the all consuming feeling of loss. Even had seemed like he planned on hanging out with him again, but how could they make a friendship happen when all Isak could think about was their bodies touching? What was worse was that there was no one to talk to and nothing to do about it.

Eskild kind of knew about his interest in guys, but he had never admitted it to him out loud. He had tried to talk to Jonas about it once, but it hadn't seemed right to bring it up in an online chatroom. He had made the excuse of wanting to see Jonas' face when he told him, knowing that that way the conversation would have to wait for at least another few months. There was no way he was going to talk to any of the girls about it. They were more Eskild's friends than they were Isak's, and he saw the way they treated his roommate. Isak had no interest in being their “gay best friend”, and suddenly having them all over him simply because he “would never be interested anyway”. He hated the fact that they would probably be right and he really wouldn't be. He wished more than anything that it was a choice to make. That if he tried hard enough, he would fall for Vilde, or Eva, or Noora. Any of them, as long as it wasn't Even. 

Yet again, he felt like crying. Why did everything have to suck? He hated Even being straight, he hated missing him so badly it physically hurt. Missing the possibility of them, the fantasy of them having any kind of a future together, the few hours he had spent thinking that maybe there was indeed something there. He knew that, only knowing Even for a week, he wasn't really lovesick. He hadn't really been dumped. It would be okay after a while. But he also knew that eventually he would have to come to terms with all of this. That if it wasn't Even, it would be someone else, at some point in his life, even if he couldn't imagine it right now. He hated Even for being straight, but more than that, he hated himself for being gay. 

Well, not really himself. It wasn't like he had a say in it. It wasn't his fault. But he hated that part of him, he wanted it to go away. He hated that even if things with Even had for whatever magical reason worked out, if they had kissed in the park and made plans to go on another date, he would probably still be unhappy. Because Even was a guy, and he couldn't simply take him by the hand and tell everyone about his new boyfriend. Whatever possible way his life could have gone ever since last week, there was no good outcome, and Isak hated his fate. 

His phone buzzed in his hands. When he turned it around, he first saw that it was almost out of power. Then he saw the new notification, some spam email, and below that, Even's name on the screen. His message had been sent a few hours ago. Despite him having messaged him multiple times now, Isak's heart still made a little jump. 

“got home safely. already miss you.”

Isak stared at the screen until his vision became blurry with tears. Deciding to give himself the final bullet, he opened his camera roll. The picture was right there, next to numerous selfies taken and sent to him by Eskild, and images of Oslo and food. Even kissing his cheek, too close to his mouth, his eyes closed but still smiling. Isak looking at the ground, face flushed from the cold and having Even's body so close to his. He hadn't realized he had been smiling, too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you yet again for the lovely, lovely comments. I don't reply to all of them but I do get an email for every single one and I always jump at the sound and get so incredibly happy, they really mean the world to me <3  
> I will be double updating today, but for the rest of the week I think I will be slowing down the updates just slightly, maybe to every other day. Today my new semester at uni took off and I will be writing my bachelor thesis on modern English literature, so I might not find time to write every single day any more, and slowing down the updates will give me more time to write. That being said, I am working on chapter 16 right now and the story is coming to an end, there might be about 20 chapters total. I'll give you a heads up though once I know for sure!  
> I also would like to leave you my tumblr here, it's wecanjustbreathe.tumblr.com. I don't do much on there other than reblog pretty boys kissing, but I do follow back, and at least tumblr has an option to chat now, so if any of you lovely people want to come talk to me or invite me to read their stories, I'd be super happy to hear from you:)

Isak's weekend sucked. He stayed in bed all Friday, only getting up once in the morning to basically get yelled at by Eskild. Apparently the pictures Even and he had taken with the girls in the park had gone viral and Eskild was “hurt and extremely disappointed” in Isak for not telling him that he had hung out with Even. It was also the fact that Isak had ignored his phone all day after Even had shown up and not replied to any of Eskild's messages in which he invited Isak to come home and spend time with him and the girls.

Besides that, Eskild found a thousand more things to complain about when he realized how grumpy Isak was when he threw coffee into the filter with so much anger that it spilled all over the counter, which resulted in Eskild losing it and yelling about their flat being defaced by Isak's presence and the fact that Isak never gave back in their one sided friendship. 

Eskild left a few hours later to spend the weekend at his parent's place without saying goodbye. Isak didn't care as he had gone back to bed anyway. He only got up to clean up the mess he had indeed made in the kitchen and to take an overly long shower in an attempt of self care that failed miserably and instead resulted in Isak sitting down in the shower for almost an hour, thinking about how much he hated his life right now. 

He was still lying in bed listlessly on Saturday afternoon when he received another message from Even. He hadn't replied to the last one he had gotten, hoping for his problems to go away if he just ignored them long enough. 

“i'll be in oslo tomorrow to film with my friend sana. wanna join? or i could come by after?” 

Isak groaned and pulled his blanket over his head. It took him an hour to think about what he wanted to reply. Of course he wanted to see Even, more than anything. He had craved his company ever since they had last been with each other. But how could he spend time with him if they were on such different pages when it came to their relationship?

The more Isak had thought about their conversation at the coffee shop, the more he had convinced himself that Even would not want to hang out with him if he knew he had feelings for him. It had been important to him to know that Eskild wasn't getting his hopes up and implied that he would only want to keep talking to him if Eskild knew he wasn't interested in him. Even obviously wasn't a fan of secret crushes. He didn't want to lead anyone on. Which was why Isak should simply let it be. 

It wasn't easy, but he eventually typed out a simple “can't” and hit send. If he was nice about it, Even wouldn't get it. He would simply ask again next week and Isak wouldn't be strong enough to decline twice but end up hanging out with him. He hoped that his crappy answer was enough to keep Even away. It apparently was for now, as Even send back an “ok” a short while later. 

It almost made Isak cry again. He hated how he had to ruin it all. How his own cowardice made him unhappy but he still couldn't work up enough courage to simply tell Even what was going on. That he was crushing on him, hard, and that seeing him again but only as friends would rip his heart out of his chest. Also, that he hated being gay, that he wanted his life to be simple, and that he kind of had to make a decision between living unhappily in the closet forever or unhappily outing himself. 

By Sunday night, Isak had moved to his computer again and had been playing games for almost the entire day. His head hurt, his room smelled worse than ever, and he was getting sick of pitying himself but somehow he still couldn't stop. He wanted to message Even and ask him whether he was still in Oslo, whether they could still meet up. Instead, he opened the chatroom he used to talk to Jonas instead and typed out a long message, complaining about his life, but deleted it without pressing send. 

Eventually, he could hear Eskild coming back. He was rummaging around in both the kitchen and in the living room before knocking on Isak's door quietly. “Isak?”, he asked before coming in. “Oh my god, it smells awful! You can either open a window or come talk to me in the living room.” 

Isak got up with a huge sigh and slumped over to the window and opened it. The fresh air that hit his face felt like heaven and he wondered why he hadn't considered going for a walk before. 

“What is going on with you? I tried calling you Friday night because I felt bad about our argument, but you never answered. You ignored me all weekend and have apparently been sitting here the entire time, wasting away. The only way I knew you were alive was because I saw you used our netflix account.” He sounded honestly concerned rather than angry this time. 

Isak sat down on the edge of his bed, feeling lost. He wanted to talk to Eskild, but he didn't know how. 

“Baby”, Eskild whined, stretching out the y, and sat down next to Isak to wrap his arms around him. He smelled like flowers. “It's time to talk to me. Did you know that Even messaged me, asking if you're okay? I was only going to come back tomorrow, but I decided to go check on you. So don't give me the silent treatment, I know this is about more than spilled coffee and us bickering.” 

“Even? What did he say?”

“He asked whether you were okay, I already said that.”

“Yes but... How did he ask?” Isak rubbed at his tired eyes, feeling like every word he said took a lot more effort than it should. 

“He said 'is Isak okay?', word for word. Do you wanna see?” Eskild pulled his phone from his pocket, but Isak shook his head. 

“It's alright. Thanks for checking on me. I'm okay. I will be.” The fresh air coming in through the window had felt good at first, but now started to become too cold. Isak tried to get up but Eskild held on to him tightly. 

“I won't let you go before you tell me what's wrong. I don't care if we both freeze to death.”

In the prospect of that threat, Isak took a deep breath. He had to close his eyes in order to get the words out and even then they hardly sounded like words to him, more like breath and air. “I like Even. I really, really like him.”

Instead of letting him go like he had promised, Eskild held on to him tighter. “Oh Isak, why didn't you just say so? I knew that all along, was it really so hard to admit?” He then stopped himself abruptly. “I'm sorry, I know it was. I do know how hard it was to say, I'm sorry. I'm so proud of you.” 

“Can we skip the coming out talk?”, Isak whispered, still not trusting his voice. 

“For now”, Eskild agreed after a slow second. “What do you want to talk about? Do you want to tell me what happened between you and Even?” 

“Nothing happened. He spent the night here and then we had coffee and went for a walk, that's it.” 

“That's what happened on paper, but what really happened?” Eskild began to stroke his face like he would with a newborn, and Isak pushed his hands away from him.

“I don't think it really happened, it just happened in my head. I wish it had, but it didn't. It was just coffee and a walk.” 

“It wouldn't feel like that, had it actually been just that. You don't make these things up. When you think there's something there, there is always something there”, Eskild claimed, sounding like he was reciting something he had said many times before. 

Isak got up and closed the window. He then leaned his forehead against the cold glass. “He said he's straight, Eskild. There wasn't anything there.”

“Wait wait wait.” Isak could hear Eskild jump up from the bed. “He said that? Word for word?”

“No, he talked about his ex girlfriend nonstop and then talked about not wanting you to get your hopes up about him, and also he flirted with the waitress, so it really wasn't that hard to figure out.”

“He said that? About me?” There was a smile in Eskild's voice and Isak regretted telling him in an instant. “How nice of him. He really is amazing, isn't he? But none of those things are proof that he's straight, Isak, trust me. I have an ex girlfriend, come on. I flirt with Noora all the time.”

Isak turned around, surprised. “You have an ex girlfriend?” 

He could see Eskild blush, which surprised him even more. “Well, we were really young, like not even teenagers, and I didn't know any better.”

“Well Even only just broke up with Sonja recently I think. At least it wasn't when they were toddlers. And they still live together and all.”

“Sonja? I've seen her in his vlogs, oh my god, I had no idea!” Eskild actually moved his hand in front of his mouth like he was shocked about the new gossip.

“Stop being a drama queen, tell me what to do”, Isak groaned. 

“First of all, we're gonna air your room some more. Then you're gonna take a shower, I don't even care if you just had one, and I'm gonna make you some food. Then we're gonna clean up your room and you're gonna go to bed before midnight. And tomorrow is Monday, the day on which you can always start over, so we're gonna go get breakfast at some nice place and we'll come up with something.” 

Isak did like Eskild told him to do. With the only exception being that he stayed in Eskild's room for the night, enjoying the much needed company too much to go back to his lonely bed. 

On Monday morning, they indeed went out for breakfast, and Isak felt a lot better than he had over the weekend. He even told Eskild once or twice how much he appreciated him as a friend and paid for the three glasses of champagne that he had with his orange juice. 

Eskild was giggling all the way back to their flat and was still slightly tipsy when he showed Isak his phone once Isak had made sure he sat down on the couch in the living room and had a large glass of water. 

“Oooh, Even uploaded his Monday Q&A, do you wanna see?”

Isak took a moment to consider. He had just started feeling better, did he really want to see Even's face right now?

“Maybe there will be a surprise for you there, Isak baby”, Eskild slurred. “It's Monday, our favourite day of the week, you're with your bestest of friends, I will make this week soo good for you, cause I love you, Isak, you know that, right?” Yet again he wrapped his arms around Isak and Isak let it happen without complains. 

He was indeed really thankful for Eskild right now which was why he mumbled a half hearted “love you too”. Eskild had already opened the youtube video for him, but just to pretend he had a say in it, Isak added: “Fuck it, okay. Show me.” 

“You won't regret it, I promise.” 

Isak frowned at that. What was Eskild on about? The video started playing and Isak wished they had opened it on a laptop instead of the minuscule phone screen. He could still see Even just fine though. He wore a t-shirt with some film reference on it that Isak didn't get, still in bed, hair ruffled. Isak's heart sank all the way to the bottom of his feet. 

For a while, he listened to Even choose questions from among the comments and answering them. Some of them, Isak already knew the answer to, like how tall Even was, and what his coffee order consisted of. He still paid close attention though, and loved to learn that Even wanted a dog one day. Then, he realized what Eskild had meant. 

“Next Question. Asked by Eskild Tryggvason. Hello, my friend.” Even blew a kiss into the camera and Isak could hear Eskild squeal in delight next to him. “You have asked whether I would feel comfortable to talk about my sexuality.” 

Isak closed his eyes for a second. “What the hell, Eskild?” He pressed pause on the video, not needing to hear the answer yet again, spelled out for him, but Eskild slapped his hand away. 

“I promise you he won't say he's straight. He knows this is your question and not mine, he's a smart guy. And I on the other hand know for sure that he likes you, so he wouldn't say he's straight. I've been thinking about it all night, and he isn't. I know he isn't. Just watch it. Also, he chose to answer it, I asked in a private message, not in the comments, so he could have just ignored it.” Eskild still sounded drunk, more so because he was getting excited, slurring his words even more. He proceeded the video and Isak rolled his eyes, getting ready to get up once they had watched Eskild's plan fail. 

“Well, I hate to say this, Eskild, but I'm not into you.” Even shrugged his shoulders apologetically. “Even though you are lovely to look at.” He did that wink again that he sometimes did when the cameras were on and Isak hated it. Eskild seemed to like it though, as he stroked the screen again. “To answer your question, I don't really like defining myself. I like whoever I like, and I don't care about anything else. I've had girlfriends and boyfriends and I would date anyone in between if I liked them.” 

Isak couldn't understand the rest of what Even was saying because Eskild threw his phone on the table and hugged Isak so fiercely he was pushed over to the side, Eskild halfway on top of him. 

“Say it! Say 'my drunk best friend just made me really fucking happy and I will now stop moping and go get that ass'.” 

Isak couldn't respond yet. His mind was racing, he pushed Eskild off of him and reached for the phone again, replaying Even's answer. Then he replayed it again. It was there. Even had really said “boyfriend”. It still didn't make sense to Isak why he would have told him so much about Sonja, the flirting with the waitress, everything, but he had to admit that Even's words were a bit more of a reliable source than his own interpretations. 

Isak tried to hold it together, tried to not let it get to his head. Just because their possibility was suddenly back on the table, that didn't mean Even was into him. Especially not after he had brushed him off like that on the weekend. Oh god, what if he had already ruined it? Isak couldn't decide on what to feel. He wanted to scream, to hug Eskild back, to jump up and down just at the thought of having his little fantasy back. Even if it might not happen, he could at least hope for it now. At the same time, he was scared in a way that almost made him sick. But for now, he swallowed his fear and gave Eskild a kiss on cheek which made his friend's eyes fill with happy tears.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The first (kind of) smut !!!

Within hours, Eskild and Isak went back to normal. Eskild's buzz wore off rather quickly even though he was still hyped from watching the video and he spent his day following Isak around, talking to him in an endless monologue. Isak didn't mind much. He'd rather not be left alone with his thoughts. That was, he didn't mind much until Eskild began to pester him with questions about what he was going to do next, suggesting one wild idea after the other. 

“I'm not going to get a banner and hang it up in front of his window, Eskild, that's not really my style.”

“Well I can't wait to see 'your style' then. 'Cause if it's sitting around being anxious and waiting for Even to take yet another step towards you while you can't even change out of your goddamn pyjamas, then I am done supporting you.” 

Isak did eventually change and even volunteered to do the shopping just to escape Eskild for a while. In the evening, he had to raise his voice again and tell Eskild to seriously back off and let him have some time to decide on what to do. Eskild pouted, but he agreed and didn't bring the subject Even up again. At least not directly. He now retorted to vague references and mildly passive aggressive remarks.

On Tuesday, Isak still hadn't reacted to Even's video. He wasn't sure after all whether it was really directed towards him. Eskild had grown so annoyed with him and his uncertainty that he retreated into his room and began posting unflattering pictures of Isak on his instagram on every hour mark, promising him to stop once he contacted Even. What was worse was that Even liked all of them, including the one in which Isak had spinach stuck between his teeth. 

Still, Isak didn't message Even. He didn't know what to say or what to do with this new piece of information. He had become so comfortable being around Even, but now his nerves were back. What if he actually got what he wanted this time? What if they ended up kissing and Isak sucked at it? The only time he had kissed someone was drunk at a party when his friends from high school had talked him into hitting on a girl Isak had kind of called good looking once. 

Or worse, what if Even wasn't into him? What if he was just as touchy and soft as Eskild was and his advances hadn't meant anything other than that he liked Isak as a friend? What if Isak made a fool of himself and ended up having his heart broken for real this time? 

Instead of getting in touch with Even, he reached out to Jonas again who had finally agreed to come visit for the weekend. Isak was glad for the upcoming distraction and quickly approved of Eskild's idea to throw a celebratory party on Friday night. Eskild himself was busy taking part in some lgbt project that he had taken up for most of the week, so it fell to Isak to plan the whole thing and he ended up asking the girls for help. 

When he met up with Vilde on Wednesday for coffee, it turned out that she was good friends with Sana, the friend Even had filmed with in Oslo last Sunday. Through Vilde, Isak became aware of her channel and ended up watching their collaboration from Sunday. It was all about religion and politics, and Isak was amazed at how smart Even was. He was in uni, after all. 

After Vilde had left, promising to invite even more people for Friday, Isak watched the video again. He took in the way they discussed some crisis in Europe, as Sana's channel seemed to mainly discuss news and satire them. He kind of felt like he always felt these days when he met up with Magnus and Mahdi. Everyone had something, was doing something important with their lives, and he himself was drinking coffee in his underwear whilst playing fifa.

Before Isak left the coffee shop, he asked to speak to the manager and promised to bring by his resume before the weekend. He then sent out a group text to his old friends from school and invited them to the party. Maybe it wasn't their fault that they were growing apart. Maybe Isak was just a jealous, ungrateful friend, ready to finally give them the attention they deserved. Most likely, they wouldn't show up anyway, or simply annoy Isak all night long, but at least he had tried one last time before he would be ready to give up on them, knowing it was for the best. 

Isak's good mood was shattered by Jonas' call on Friday morning that he had to stay home after all to be with his family and look after his younger siblings after his mum had broken her leg last night. He promised to reschedule as soon as possible, but Isak still felt crushed. He had been looking forward to seeing Jonas. Hell, he had wanted to throw him the best party ever. After a quick talk with the girls, who had planned to came over in the afternoon to help Isak decorate and then get ready at his place, they decided the party was still on however. 

Eskild came home just in time with the first few guests and brought with him a group of people he had worked on his project with this week, covered in rainbow colours from head to toe, already tipsy and ready to dance. Isak, not wanting to be the one who dragged down his own party, took a couple of shots with him before slowing things down and getting a beer from the fridge. He still felt sad over Jonas not being there, but he was going to enjoy tonight either way. 

It had been way too long since Isak had been to a party and even longer since he'd been drunk. He didn't dislike it, he was simply too lazy and also didn't know who to go with as he wasn't ready to enter a gay bar with Eskild but Eskild “couldn't stand straight music”. He gave his best to enjoy himself and ended up dancing with Eva. As he felt the alcohol make its way through his body, he remembered how close they had been in high school, how she had been his friend for longer than she had been Eskild's, and he suddenly felt nostalgic, bringing up old memories which made her laugh and snort beer out through her nose. 

He stayed with Eva for quite some time, watching the living fill with people, most of which he didn't know as they were Eskild's friends from work and high school. Eskild was in charge of the music which was why people soon began to dance, losing items of clothing and spilling beer onto the hardwood floor. Isak didn't mind. He spotted Magnus and Mahdi in the crowd and greeted them with an honest smile. 

His predictions had been right. The majority of people he used to be friends with and had invited for tonight hadn't shown up, and the ones that did were truly as boring as ever. But something clicked between himself and Magnus and Mahdi that night and fell back into place where it belonged. They won two rounds of beer pong against Eva, Vilde, and her friend Sana whom she had invited. Isak asked about more than their classes at uni, realizing how little interest he had shown in their lives lately. The alcohol seemed to make him want to account for past sins and he ended up hugging them close and slurring apologies. 

It wasn't long until Eskild patted him on the back, spilling beer over the back of his shirt, and told him how proud he was and how he should get out more often to socialize, if his crappy personality benefited from it that much. Isak laughed, hugged Eskild closely, and went to the kitchen to get another beer. He felt tipsy, happy, but not drunk. There was definitely room for another drink there. He stopped dead in his tracks however right as he was about to enter the kitchen.

Through the mass of dancing people, he could see Even. He was in the process of taking off his trademark layers and stuffing them somewhere onto a table near the front door that was already filled with jackets and other outerwear. Underneath, he wore his white t-shirt again, shining in the low lights, Eskild's disco ball making bright colours move over the fabric. Isak went over to him without thinking about it, it was like he was pulled towards him without being able to do anything about it. 

When he came to a halt in front of him, Even was already talking to some girl Isak didn't know. He smiled at her, widely of course, teeth shining and eyes sparkling, but when he took in Isak, he kind of faltered. He didn't look angry or particularly unhappy to see him, but there was a certain distance in his eyes, like he was still judging the situation. Without saying a word, Isak reached for his hand and pulled him with him. He would thank Eskild later. Having Even at the party was all he needed right now, and he knew who was responsible for it. 

The door to his room fell close behind them and Isak wanted nothing else than to throw himself onto Even and pull him in close, kiss him all over, spend the entire evening in his arms for everyone to see. Instead, he left a calculated distance between them, knowing he had some apologies to make first. He leaned his body against his desk chair, feeling entirely sober all of a sudden, simply by having closed a door on the music, the heat, the dancing people. He could still hear it all, he still felt warm and his body was somehow thrumming with emotions, but right now he felt calm. Even had come here, knowing they would see each other, so he wasn't mad enough to refuse Eskild's invitation. 

“I'm so sorry, I was a dick.” 

He knew Even would forgive him, that the whole thing had become a lot bigger in his head than it must have felt for Even, but he wasn't prepared for the relief on Even's face, for the shuddering breath the other boy left out through his teeth. 

“You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that tonight”, he admitted, seeming so much less confident than he usually did, so much more vulnerable. 

“I'm so fucking sorry. I had a shitty weekend, I felt like crap, and I let it out on you.” It was only half of the story, but he couldn't really tell Even that he had been the cause for Isak's bad mood to begin with. He had been the cause but he wasn't to blame after all. 

“It's okay. I really needed you to say that, to know that you get it, but it's okay.” 

Isak took a step towards him, not really believing that it had really been that easy. He had brushed Even off in such a crappy way, he deserved to be punished for a bit longer. 

“I'm so happy to see you”, he breathed, still not quite believing it. The past week went by in front of his inner eye and all of a sudden he felt like hitting his head against the wall. It would have been so easy to just say sorry, they could have hung out together all week, figuring out what this all was together. Isak knew by the lightness of his thoughts that he was indeed slightly intoxicated, but he didn't care for now. He preferred his current thoughts over anything he had gone through last week. 

“Me too.” Even closed the gap in between them and there they were again, hugging each other tightly, breathing each other in. Isak felt like a run dry battery that was reconnected to a charger. Every second that he spent touching Even gave him life, made his body shiver with happiness. 

“I fucking missed you too, I don't remember why I never said it”, he spoke into Even's hair and felt him pulling him in even closer, their chests pressing together, so much better this time without winter coats on to keep Isak from feeling every single one of Even's ribs and bones against him, and his heart beating in his chest in time with his own. Even felt warm and soft, regardless of his skinny figure, and Isak shuddered as he felt Even's hands stroking up and down his back, sending tingles from his neck down to his legs. 

His moved his own hands up to Even's hair, no longer caring about what it meant to want to touch him like that, to crave his body in such an intense way that made his thoughts run wild again. He buried his hands in the blond strands, following their way backwards as they were combed out of Even's beautiful face, pulling lightly this time like he had wanted to for way too long. He could hear Even hum in appreciation, so low it was hardly audible, but Isak could feel the vibrations of it in both of their chests. 

He let his hands drop down to his neck, touching his warm skin there, pressing his fingertips into the muscles of his shoulders, touching him everywhere he could get his hands on. He mapped out his back with broad movements, up and down, digging into every dip and curve of it, reaching his lower back way too soon, not being able to resist as he realized how Even's shirt had ridden up his back, exposing the smallest bit of skin just above the waistband of his jeans. 

Even's hands were frozen on Isak's back, still pulling him in closely, but Isak couldn't stop touching him. He let his fingers feel just above his waistline and toyed with the band of his boxers that was sticking out from just above his jeans. He dug his fingers into Even's sides, following the line of tight fitting fabric there and back again, daring to dip the tips of his thumbs below it after a while, pulling slightly at the elastic, wanting nothing more than to simply push his hands inside them, rip them off, learn Even's body where no one else was allowed to touch him. He could feel Even's heart speed up, could still hear the music pumping through the speakers from the other room, could feel the heat radiating through his body again, making his head spin. 

Even's body was like a drug to him and he kept painting small circles into his skin, breathing into his neck, feeling his pulse right there. Even began to move his hands down Isak's back agonizingly slow, making him shiver all over with anticipation, his muscles tensing up, and he had to bite his lip to keep himself from moaning. Even began to mirror his movements, pushing his shirt up the tiniest bit and letting his fingers touch his lower back, carefully, tender, slow enough so Isak could feel his hands shake.

Isak let out a long breath, louder than he wanted to. He remembered Even's lips on his neck, on his cheek, and he wanted them back, wanted to be wrapped up in Even and not leave his room for the rest of his life. He could feel his blood pumping through his veins, rushing steadily downwards, making his pants feel tighter at the second. He scratched his fingernails lightly over Even's skin which earned him a low moan and he marvelled at the sound, immediately wanting to hear it again. 

Even's fingers pushed into the back of Isak's boxers and jeans, further than Isak had dared to go, pulling at his skin almost desperately by now, pushing closer and closer until they were flushed closely together and Isak could feel Even pressing into his thigh, pushing forward the tiniest bit, the hard line of him pressing against him for only a second. 

Isak felt the touch in his entire body, he could hear himself moaning softly into Even's neck, biting down at the skin that he had managed to set on fire, digging his teeth in without shame, pulling, tasting his skin with the tip of his tongue. At the same time he felt Even's thigh pushing between his legs, making him grow impossibly harder at the friction that made him weak at the knees.

He was full on leaning against Even now, his hands holding on to his sides for dear life, pushing his hips forward in slow, tiny movements, listening intently for the sound of Even's rough breathing, dragging his own thigh towards Even, wanting to feel him again, needing that confirmation of how much Even wanted him too, wanting to feel him hard and hot against his leg the way he was pushing against Even's now. 

They didn't full on grind against each other but merely stood closely, pushing forward, still restraining themselves, letting the other feel just how hard they both were, sharing that vulnerable information, trusting each other with it, feeling the tension between them that was so highly strung there was no way it wasn't about to snap.

Isak could hardly make out his name when Even let it out in a shuddering breath, sounding absolutely wrecked, but he bit down on Even's skin hard when he heard it, no longer able to hold back but pushing forwards at the same time Even did, a wave of pleasure surging through his lower body at the overwhelmingly intense pressure as they pushed against each other frantically all of a sudden, needing to finally move, needing some kind of relief, some kind of friction. 

Isak could hear himself curse and a second later, he was pulling his head back from Even's neck, dying for their lips to finally touch, looking up at Even, his heart stuttering as he took in his deep, dark eyes, his flushed cheeks, his lips, already moving in as they thrust against each other almost violently now, moaning into each others mouths just as their lips were about to meet. 

Then the door opened. It took them both too long to react to it, to pull away from each other, refusing to separate their hips, their pulsating erections pressing into each other in a way that made Isak want to come in his pants. Isak was the one who was technically facing the door, but he couldn't see who had opened it. He had enough sense to stop in his movements, to not give in and kiss Even like he wanted to so desperately, but he also didn't move away from him. 

No one seemed to be coming in, but Even couldn't see that and with a frustrated “shit”, he turned around in Isak's arms, effectively moving away from him. It was a good thing, too, as it only took another few seconds for a group of drunk people to basically fall into the room now that they had noticed that someone had opened the door. 

Isak took a painful step away from Even and they stood like that for a second, staring at each other longingly, hating their luck. Even was the first one to react and he tore his gaze away from Isak's crotch to which he had lowered his blown eyes, and turned around, trying to figure out what had happened and pushing people out of the room again. Instead of coming back to Isak, he went with them though, knowing that their moment was over and giving Isak a second to readjust.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I've said I'd slow down the updates, but I'm addicted to them, I can't stop! It's just so great to read what you guys have to say about the story, I can't wait to hear it.
> 
> I would like to give a shout out to my friend, she is "Aceteroid" on here and is also writing an Evak story, so give her some love:)

The rest of the night was a blur of drinks, bright lights, and skin pressed against skin. At first, when Isak decided to rejoin the party, regardless of how much rather he'd find Even and sneak away together, he couldn't find him in the crowd. Instead, he bumped into a wasted Eskild and downed another few shots with him. He needed them badly. There was no way in hell he would be able to not think about Even's body against his all night without getting thoroughly wasted. After drinking with Eskild, he let Magnus persuade him to have some of his grandfather's firewhiskey which he had brought two bottles of. The alcohol burned in Isak's throat, but he revelled in the feeling and kept drinking in a corner with Magnus until his friend had worked up enough courage to go talk to Vilde who had apparently caught his eye. 

Just when Isak thought that Even might have left, he saw him standing in the kitchen doorway with Sana, holding on to a glass of clear liquid, and he promptly swayed over there, taking a shot with Eva on the way. He basically fell into Even's arms, having to hold on to his white shirt while he introduced himself to an amused Sana. 

“Even...”, he slurred and began to giggle for no apparent reason. “I'm so glad you came, so, so glad.” He patted Even's flat chest. 

“How you doing, Isak?” Even smiled, lifting Isak's chin with his index finger so he had to look up at him.

“I'm so, so good, like, really fucking great”, Isak exclaimed. “Have a drink with me, will you?” He began to turn around, scouting his immediate area for any available alcohol. 

“Remember those meds I told you about? Alcohol messes with them, too, so I can't. I'll dance with you though.” The heavy confession in his words flew right past Isak in his drunken state and he only pouted, but his face lit up when Even pushed him towards the make shift dancefloor on which Eva and Vilde were making out to a lot of whistling and cheering. Magnus was leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the room, back to nursing his firewhiskey. 

Isak had to hold on to Even quite a bit before he found his footing and he remembered how to dance, but it became easier once Eskild joined them too and Isak could alternate between holding on to either of them. Eskild had his camera out and was eagerly filming for a new vlog, turning around in circles on the dance floor whilst yelling at people. Isak pushed himself in between him and Even every time he thought they got too close to each other and made sure to not lose sight of Even for even a minute. 

Hours later, he stood sulkily in front of the bathroom door, as Even had not allowed him to follow him inside, when Eskild's colleagues decided to leave collectively and started a round of general good byes. People stumbled out the door one by one, Isak said goodbye to a wasted Magnus and Mahdi with a promise to hang out soon, gave Eva a drunken kiss on the cheek, and then suddenly became anxious that Even might be planning to leave. 

“You're staying, right?”, he asked, reaching for Even's hand as if that would prevent him from walking right out the door. 

“I'm staying”, Even agreed, looking down at their joint hands fondly. 

Eskild had his camera on them again but Isak didn't care. He was content, he held Even's hand, and in a sea of people who were leaving, he intended to stay. He leaned into Even yet again, burying his face in his shirt happily.

“You good here, Eskild?” He heard Even ask above him. “I think it's time that Isak calls it a night.” 

Isak would have protested, but oh god yes did he want Even to himself again. He refused to let go of his waist as they walked down the hall to Isak's room slowly and unsteadily, even though Isak thought he was doing a great job considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed. In his opinion, he wasn't even that wasted. He could almost close the door behind them by himself, and recognized his bed without any help. 

“You're staying?”, he asked again, unaware that he had already gotten Even's affirmation, and beamed when Even nodded. 

“I'm staying”, he confirmed patiently. “Do you want to, like, brush your teeth?” 

They went on a quick trip to the bathroom so that Isak could chew around on his toothbrush for a bit while Even washed his face as efficiently as he could what with Isak not letting go of his hand. Even had come prepared and took out his own toothbrush while Isak peed, only dropping Even's hand reluctantly and complaining about Even turning away from him. 

As they were almost ready for bed, Eskild came in without knocking and fell asleep with his head on the counter whilst scrubbing rainbow coloured glitter off his face with a wet cloth, mumbling about his skin having to suffer for love. 

“You're staying?”, Isak asked again as they reached the bedroom and Even closed the door behind them, watching Isak carefully. 

“Yes, drunkard, I'm staying. Get to bed”, he laughed, taking a shirt to sleep in from the massive bag he had brought. 

Isak tilted his head to the side, watching him thoughtfully for a second. “You don't sleep with a shirt on”, he remembered even in his impaired state. “Not when you're sleeping on your own.” 

“I don't.” Even dropped the shirt and gestured towards Isak's fully clothed body. “What about you? Need a hand?” He walked over to Isak and pulled his shirt over his head carefully. A few hours ago, Isak would have gone crazy just at the thought of Even undressing him, but he was too drunk to realize. Even went for the button of Isak's jeans and pulled them down slowly, making sure he didn't take Isak's boxers with them, and Isak helped kicking off the legs. 

Isak then reached for Even, mirroring him, taking off first his shirt and then his jeans. He stared down Even's chest as they were stood in front of each other in only their underwear, and placed a single hand on Even's pale skin right in front of him. Even took it in his and kissed Isak's knuckles, one by one, and then pushed him towards the bed gently, waiting for Isak to get settled before he pulled the blanket over both of them. 

He lay down on his back, but Isak snuck a hand around his naked waist, pulling him onto his side so that they faced each other. “Wanna kiss you”, he mumbled, his fingers stroking Even's cheek, eyes fixed on Even's soft dark ones. 

“Me too”, Even whispered. “Why did you have to get so goddamn drunk?” He smiled, almost in admiration even though there was nothing to admire about the way Isak thought the room was spinning and Even's face was the only fixed point for him. 

“Not drunk”, Isak pointed out, pushing his lower lip forward in protest. He pushed his body closer to Even's, their naked chests almost touching underneath the blanket. “Wanna kiss you goodnight”, he repeated, lifting his head towards Even's. 

Even sighed, moving to push a stray strand of hair out of Isak's face. “When you're sober. I promise.” 

“Am sober”, Isak mumbled, “so, so sober. Sober and kissable.” 

“So kissable, yes”, Even agreed and let his finger fall down to Isak's lips, brushing over them lightly. 

“Yes?” Isak moved in closer but his lips only met Even's finger which he had held up in between them. 

“Yes. Very. But not sober.” 

Isak groaned quietly in frustration. His body caught up with him slowly, and he began to realize that he was in bed with Even, his Even, as good as naked, finally alone. Thoughts of earlier came back to him, he remembered Even panting into his ear, remembered the rush of excitement that had went through his body when he had realized just how hard they both were, wanting each other. He remembered Even's fingers on his skin, his lips in his hair, his straining dick against his thigh, rubbing himself against him, being so turned on by him.

Starting a new attempt, Isak let his fingers wander lower, hooking his thumb into Even's boxers again. The muscles of Even's stomach tensed underneath his touch and he took a deep breath, ready to stop him if he went any further. Isak leaned in for a kiss again but Even was quick to put his fingers back up between them so that Isak had no choice but to kiss them instead. “So very sober, and kissable, and so fucking hard right now”, he whispered against Even's skin and began to slowly suck Even's index finger into his mouth. He beamed with pride as he could hear Even's low, almost whimpering moan, somewhere between frustration and desire. 

“Isak, stop.” Even's voice was weak but he still managed to push Isak away from him just a little bit. “I'm serious. Not like this, okay?” 

Isak regarded him with a long, pouty look and finally nodded. “Okay.” He let Even turn him around and sighed as he wrapped his arms around him, holding Isak tightly in his arms. 

“Good night, drunk Isak. Can't wait to meet sober-you tomorrow and kiss him senseless.” 

Isak smiled, the alcohol in his system making him feel all warm and fuzzy. “He can't wait for it either.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i won't slow down the updates after all, as i finished writing the whole thing last night. thank you again for all your amazing comments, thank you so much xx  
> (and calm down, there'll be smut in the next 24 hours haha)

Yet again, Isak woke up before Even did. His bladder was about to burst, his throat dry as sandpaper and his head was pounding heavily somewhere in the vicinity of his temples. He got up without even casting a second look at Even or gathering his thoughts and swayed to the bathroom, holding on to the walls in the hallway for support. 

He felt better after drinking straight from the tap for ages and splashing water into his heated face. Feeling a bit more refreshed, he looked for some painkillers among Eskild's stuff and swallowed it down with more water. He walked slowly towards the living room and peeked into Eskild's room on the way there to make sure he had gotten to bed alright.

He had forgotten about the mess in the flat and instead of sitting down on one of the couches that still stood pushed to the wall, he ended up sinking into a kitchen chair, pulling his knees close to his body. It was only then that he allowed himself to think of last night. 

He tried to work through the thoughts in his head logically, taking his time for them now so that they wouldn't overwhelm him later in the day which he might still spend with Even. His head was completely empty, though. Happiness and fear seemed to cancel each other out, making him entirely calm. 

He had been so incredibly afraid of being with Even, had been afraid of the mere possibility of them, and now that Even was sleeping in his bed on a promise to kiss him senseless today, he couldn't work up the energy to feel scared even if he tried to confront those feelings now. It hadn't been falling in love with Even that he had been afraid of, it had been the public. 

That's when he started feeling nervous. When he thought about the party, about who had seen them together, about Eskild's camera that had been on them basically the entire night, on how he had held Even's hand for hours, clung to his body like an overly possessive boyfriend. He had basically outed himself last night and that was what scared him shitless. Not Even, not his growing affection for him, not the thought of him still being here, ready to spend the day with him. 

It was progress. But it was still not good. It still made Isak tremble in the cold of the kitchen, hugging his body tightly. He wasn't ready to confront his own stupidity. His own confession that he had made last night. 

Because he grew increasingly anxious, Isak stirred his thoughts towards a less scary but nevertheless terrifying issue. The way he had behaved towards Even last night. He had been incredibly pushy, clingy, and borderline disrespectful towards him. It made Isak blush like he did so often, and he let his head fall onto his knees. He wasn't ever drinking again. Just last night he had apologized to Even, had finally managed to make everything somewhat alright again, and now he already had more things to be sorry about. How was Even ever going to want to be with him if he kept messing up like this? 

Isak was still sat pondering about his bad decisions last night when Eskild slumped into the kitchen a short while later. He only looked at Isak with droopy eyes before sitting down in the chair across from him and then frowned. “Where's the coffee?” His voice sounded about as bad as Isak's throat still felt.

“I haven't made any yet.” 

It took Eskild an unusually long time to take in his words before he got up and walked towards the coffee machine. “I'll ask about Even in a second, I need a minute to wake up. Shit, this headache is going to kill me, is there an aspirin?”

Not wanting to admit that he was more than grateful about Eskild's unusually mellow mood, Isak volunteered to go get Eskild some painkillers from the bathroom. When he came back, the kitchen had begun to smell like coffee beans and Isak instantly felt better. 

“He's still here, right?”

“Yes. Sleeping.” 

They sat together in silence the way they hardly ever did and just as Isak thought he could get used to it, Eskild rubbed his temples and began to recall stories from last night. 

“Did you see Eva and Vilde? They were even more scandalous than Even and you, I swear. Lucky for you, maybe. How do you feel about it? I mean, pretty much everyone's seen you together, I've had so many people ask me about it I wanted to just turn off the music and yell 'yes yes, they're dating, they're cute, leave them be', but I didn't think you would have appreciated it.”

“I wouldn't have. And we're not dating.”

Eskild's eyes went wide at that and he almost spat his coffee back into his cup. “What the hell is the problem now? I invited him for you, I fixed it for you, how did you mess it up again? When you pulled him into your room, that's when you kissed and made up, right?”

Isak poured himself another cup of coffee. He wasn't awake enough to have this kind of conversation but he felt like he owed Eskild some information, given that he had played a big part in Isak's happiness lately.

“We made up but we didn't kiss. And I got super drunk, I swear, I must've been the most unattractive person in the world to him. Drunk people are gross. You were gross last night.” 

“I wasn't, Isak, I wasn't.” Eskild shook his head vehemently. “And neither were you, cutiepie, you looked gorgeous, I promise.”

“Well, as you were just as drunk, that's not really reliable information right there.” Isak flinched when he burned his tongue on his coffee. “Seriously though, thank you for inviting him. I'm so glad he came over and we were able to sort things out somewhat.”

“Somewhat? Isak, I know you've never dated, but what is keeping you now? That is how things go, why do you keep questioning it?”

Firstly, Isak thought, he didn't want to risk being let down. He wouldn't even dream of thinking of him and Even as a thing before they had talked about it, before he had heard Even say the words, before he could be absolutely sure that he was now allowed to be the happiest person on earth. Secondly, once they became official in his head, and that was still a big if, he would have to face the reality of it. He couldn't lead a relationship with someone behind closed doors. Even deserved more than that. 

“I'm not ready”, he quietly admitted, staring into his coffee cup. He wished it was as easy for him as it was for Eskild to admit that he was the way he was and be proud of it. Mostly, he didn't want the attention. He didn't want the questions, the curious looks, the whispered conversations about him liking it up the ass. Which he didn't. Yet. 

“That's okay, baby.” Eskild nodded at Isak empathetically. “But are you happy about how last night went? Hey, Even, sleep well?” 

Isak looked up immediately, taking in the sight of Even standing in the doorway in just his boxers, looking tired but not as ruined as Isak and Eskild probably did. 

“Better than ever”, he mused, but Isak could tell that he needed a second to fall into his happy mood. He gave Even an intent look, asking him a silent question, but he just smiled at him and raised an eyebrow at Isak's coffee mug. 

They had a slow breakfast together during which Eskild mostly talked about the people at the party, telling Even about the friends Isak and he shared and how they were all connected to each other. Even asked about Magnus and Mahdi and Isak confirmed that they were indeed his friends from high school. They shared a few looks, hands brushing against each other on the table on purpose from time to time, but with Eskild around, they mostly kept their hands to themselves and their longing thoughts pushed away. 

Cleaning up the flat took less time than they had expected and eventually they all hung around the freshly mopped living room as Eskild went through the possessions that had been left behind last night and laughed at the hundreds of pictures on his phone, joyful about the memories that came back to him one after the other. 

Isak could feel Even's knee push into his gently and he turned to his side to look at him.

“Do you want to come home with me? I kind of promised Sonja I'd be back today to help her with something for uni, but you could come?”, he asked in a low voice, making it clear that he wasn't inviting Eskild along. 

Isak didn't have to consider it for a second before he nodded in agreement. 

“Does she study film, too?” 

“No, art history. But some of it is quite similar.” 

Isak tried not to get annoyed with the new information about Sonja and her intellect but instead got up and packed a bag full of some clothes and essentials in case he'd stay overnight. He was counting on it, really, as it was already the afternoon and the way to Even's place would take them quite some time. Before he was done completely, Eskild knocked on his open door and waltzed into his room confidently with a pack of condoms and some lube in his hand. 

“Just in case!” He exclaimed at Isak's shocked look, and threw both items into Isak's bag. “Do you need a quick pep talk? Advice? Answers? Anything? This is happening so fast, I was hoping we could have a proper talk about it one day before you go off into the real world of dating guys.”

“Not gonna happen”, Isak huffed, but simply threw a thick sweater on top of his bag and closed it. 

“The talk? Or you mean you and Even tonight?” 

“Both.” 

“Why not? I get the refusal to talk about the important things in life, it's so like you, but what happened last night that makes you so sure it's not going to be continued? Was it bad?” 

Isak sent an alarming look towards the door and Eskild lowered his voice but merely repeated his question. “Was it?”

“No. But not much happened, okay? We only kind of... hugged. And...” Isak waved his hands in the air, face red with shame. “We're not at a place where we would need any of this”, he pointed towards his bag but lifted it off the ground anyway and made for the door. 

“I want hourly updates. Don't forget about me, okay?” Eskild followed Isak to the front door where Even was waiting, layers and all. 

They hugged Eskild goodbye, agreed to a last group picture to post on instagram, and then they were alone. For a moment, Isak thought Even would kiss him right there, in front of the door to his flat, not able to wait another second. But he didn't. He gave Isak a quick smile and went ahead, jumping down the stairs, his bag bouncing against his back. 

All Isak could think about on their way to the station was how badly he wanted to hold Even's hand again. It had been fine last night, but he had been highly intoxicated and already kind of regretted it, so he pushed his hands deeper into his pockets instead. He would take his hand the second they got to Even's place and were alone again. For now, that would have to be enough. 

They sat close to each other on the train, but still there was a certain distance between them that hadn't been there last night. Isak felt slightly uncomfortable, he felt like people were staring at them every time they looked at each other for too long or touched, even when it was accidentally. Even seemed to feel it too, and he kept his hands to himself, alternating between telling Isak stories and staring out the train window lost in thought. 

It took a little more than an hour until they pulled into the station and another fifteen minutes to walk to Even's flat. It was a nice area with more green than Isak was used to from Oslo. Even pointed him into the general direction of the school he had gone to and places he liked, but otherwise didn't comment on anything they passed. 

The sun had gone down while they had been on the train and so they walked in the dark, the street ahead of them almost empty. Fuck it. Isak reached for Even's hand and sighed with relief when Even took it without hesitation, humming happily.


	13. Chapter 13

Even's flat was a lot tinier than Eskild and Isak's was. It didn't have a living room but only a small hallway that led into a kitchen, a bathroom, and to Isak's great relief, two separate bedrooms. He hadn't really expected Even and Sonja to share, but now that he realized the possibility had been there, he was glad he hadn't wasted any time obsessing over it. They probably had shared at some point though, using the other room as a living room. It was such a perfect flat for a couple. Isak didn't want to think about it. 

They went for a quick tour, Even showed Isak his room which was covered in artistic stuff Isak thought was cool but didn't really connect with, and then they were already interrupted by Sonja who had apparently heard them from the kitchen.

She was beautiful, short blonde hair, big doe eyes, full lips. Even hugged her hello and Isak averted his look until they were done and he heard Sonja move towards him. 

“You're Isak? Nice to meet you.” They shook hands and Isak already felt awkward and didn't know what to say. She seemed nice enough, but he had spent too much time preparing himself to dislike her that he couldn't drop it now. He felt annoyed by her presence, he wanted to be alone with Even. Unfortunately, Even seemed to disagree as he commented on the smell coming from the kitchen and invited himself and Isak to have dinner with Sonja. 

It was okay, Isak kept telling himself. When they were at his place, they were with Eskild most of the time as well, that's how it went when you had roommates. The only difference being that Isak and Eskild had never dated. That Isak hadn't shared a bedroom with him at some point, and that he wasn't asking him how his day had been in such a domestic way like Even did to Sonja. 

Sonja asked Isak a few questions, embarrassing him by making him admit that he was “kind of in between jobs” right now, and admitted that she wasn't a big fan of youtube, the only thing Isak had going for himself, really. 

“I don't really understand this whole social media hype. I mean, isn't this nice? Having dinner with friends, talking face to face?” 

It wasn't nice. Not when Isak didn't consider her his friend at all and Even kept looking at her adoringly. She was so incredibly opinionated, clever, headstrong. No wonder Even had loved her at some point. And then there was Isak, not even able to leave the house two days in a row. The possibility that Even actually liked him seemed unbearably small to Isak again. Last night must've been the alcohol, making him perceive things a lot differently than they had actually been. 

Oh god, what if he and Even hadn't actually made out the way they had? What if it had just been Isak grinding against Even desperately, moaning, almost ready to come in his pants? What if Even hadn't been affected by their hug at all and Isak had imagined the whole thing and then continued trying to seduce him with whiskey breath and slurred dirty talk?

Sonja and and Even began talking to each other about the project Sonja needed help with when they realized that Isak wasn't in the mood for small talk. To Isak's annoyance, Sonja kept trying to include him in their conversation about art which Isak knew absolutely nothing about. 

“Is it okay for you if I do this with Sonja for a bit? I told you she had asked for help, so...” Even looked Isak up and down, probably thinking he was being weird again. Which wasn't wrong. “You can be with us of course, don't feel uninvited.” 

“I brought my laptop, it's fine. I'll just wait in your room.” Isak tried to sound cheerful but he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. 

“Are you sure? You came here to be with Even and now I'm intruding on you, I'm so sorry.” Sonja seemed honestly sad about her own audacity. At least she volunteered to do the dishes and therefore gave Even and Isak a short moment alone in his room. 

“I'm sorry, I really hope it won't take long. I didn't really think when I asked you to come home with me, I just really wanted you to.” The smile Even had worn during dinner faltered as soon as the door to his room had closed shut. 

Isak simply nodded. He was so good at talking himself into a certain mood. When he looked at it objectively, the situation still wasn't great, he guessed he had the right to be a bit annoyed, but it wasn't that bad either. He was just frustrated. He wanted that kiss he had been promised. And he was annoyed with himself because he could have already gotten it had he not been too much of a coward to actually make advances on Even for once instead of waiting for him to make the first move. He should have pushed him against the wall right after they had said goodbye to Eskild earlier. 

But for some reason, as much as he wanted that kiss, he also wanted it to be perfect. He didn't want it now, when Sonja would come back in and ruin everything in a few minutes and they wouldn't have all night to simply kiss and kiss and kiss. Isak didn't want to squeeze it in between dinner and Sonja. What he wanted though, was to remind Even that he hadn't forgotten. And to show him that he wasn't afraid of being with him, which Even probably thought after their awkward train ride together. 

“It's okay. A bit disappointing, but it won't take that long, right?” He placed his hands on Even's chest, pushing him backwards slowly against the closed door. The atmosphere in the room shifted immediately as if Even knew what Isak was doing before he himself did. Even bit his lip and his eyes sparkled again when his back hit the dark wood and Isak came to a halt in front of him. 

His heart pounding in his chest with nerves now that no alcohol eased his mind, Isak stepped into Even's space and traced a slow line on his chest down to his jeans. He looked up at Even, trying hard to seem like he knew what he was doing, like he wasn't inwardly cringing at his own inexperience. Almost in slow motion, he pushed his fingers underneath Even's shirt, feeling the warm skin on his stomach, the v of his hips, the trail of coarse hair leading down into his boxers. 

He leaned in closer, their breaths mixing but lips not touching, only breathing each other in. All Isak wanted was to remind Even that he had not forgotten. That he hadn't been that drunk. That he was still waiting. He could hear Even's breath catching in his throat, felt his hands moving to hold on to Isak's waist, but Isak took them into his instead, pressing them against the wall behind them next to his hips, holding Even's body in place and not letting him touch him even though he so desperately wanted him to. 

Even's eyes went dark and he looked down at Isak almost mesmerized. He tried moving his wrists, as if to test Isak's determination and Isak could almost hear him groan when he realized Isak wasn't giving in. With both of their hands occupied, Isak had only one way to make Even remember. Not taking his eyes off of him, he pushed his hips forward the smallest bit, just enough to let Even feel how he was slowly hardening in his pants. He didn't press against him, he only let Even feel the swell of his dick, how he twitched against the tight fabric of his jeans at the sound of Even's almost inaudible “fuck”. 

Even's hips began pushing forward but Isak didn't give in, didn't think Even deserved this particular pleasure right now, what with him being about to leave him again. All he wanted was to tease. To make a point, he brushed his lips against Even's, not in a real kiss, just the promise of one, and bit down on his lower lip, pulling it towards him, making Even gasp into his mouth. 

“Even? You coming?” Sonja's voice came from right behind the door and Isak could feel Even swallow hard before he could answer. 

“Just a second.” 

Isak let go of his wrists and realized how Even was staring at his crotch again, the hard outline of his cock clearly visible by now. Isak didn't dare to look down at Even, he knew he wouldn't be able to restrain himself from pushing him into the door, hard, pressing against him, when he saw how hard he was. 

“I hope it won't be long. Watch some netflix, okay? You know where the fridge is, I've shown you the bathroom. And come join us if you feel like it, really. It's okay.” Even tried hard to sound composed but Isak could tell he wasn't. He nodded his understanding and fell down onto Even's bed as soon as he was gone. 

He took Even's advice and opened netflix. He exchanged a few messages with Eskild, telling him he was okay. After he had watched a full film, he grew bored and annoyed and got up to go to the bathroom and get more or less ready for bed to be more comfortable. He stopped in front of Sonja's room and pressed his ear against the door for a second, checking whether they were indeed working. He withdrew in surprise when he heard what sounded like Sonja crying. Even seemed to be comforting her, voice deep and calm, but Isak couldn't understand what he was saying as Sonja kept sniffling and sobbing. 

Isak had once heard Eskild cry in his room and even then had he not felt up for the task and instead of trying to help had simply placed a cup of tea in front of his door and retreated into his own room. He wasn't good with this kind of stuff, and frankly, he didn't care that much about Sonja. Instead of intervening, he went back to Even's room and watched another film with the laptop placed on his chest. 

He must've fallen asleep, having only gotten a couple of hours in last night, as he awoke to Even snoring lightly next to him, laptop placed onto the floor next to the bed. He sighed, but fell back asleep almost immediately before he could decide whether he wanted to wake Even up or simply stay awake. 

When he awoke again in the morning, Even was unsurprisingly still asleep. He seemed to like sleeping in, something that Isak used to enjoy too, but he had gone to bed too early lately to actually do so. He got up, hoping desperately to not run into Sonja. To his great relief, she didn't seem to be home however, as the kitchen and bathroom were both empty and the door to her room was opened widely so that Isak could see inside. 

After a quick instinctive look over his shoulder, he went inside and looked around for a bit. It was a nice room, much nicer than his own which wasn't hard to achieve. Isak quickly found what he was looking for. Predictably, she had a picture wall up above her desk, with photos of herself and Even at the centre of it. They weren't pictures that had to necessarily suggest a relationship, but Isak still got sad looking at them. These were pictures that had been taken years and years ago when Isak had not even been in high school. They were laughing together in every single one of them. Laughing and touching and so 'together' that it hurt. 

Isak decided to make breakfast and made himself a home in the kitchen to cook some eggs. It wasn't long until Even joined him. It also wasn't long until Isak got annoyed with him. He understood why they had been distant with each other yesterday, given that they had been with Eskild first, then in public, and then with Sonja. But now? 

Even came in, smiled, and leaned against the kitchen counter, eyeing the food in the pan. There was no reason as to why he wouldn't come over and kiss Isak good morning other than that he simply didn't want to. Maybe he was scared Sonja would be home after all and he didn't want her to see. Isak was growing tired of guessing and waiting and standing back while his hopes were raised and then crushed again repeatedly. 

“Did you get your stuff done last night?” Isak didn't bother to hide that he felt a bit offended by now. Not just because of the lack of Even's lips on his. Also because had wanted to spend time with him and come over to his house but had been left alone all damn night. 

“Kind of. Sonja had a major breakdown because the deadline is so close and the way she had started things just sucked in my opinion, so we had to basically start all over and she freaked out a bit.”

Isak nodded as if he understood. He had never had to work towards a deadline other than some homework assignments in school which he guessed didn't really compare. He wasn't an art student, after all. 

“I'm sorry it took forever, I couldn't just leave her.” Even did look sorry, but Isak didn't really feel like forgiving him completely just yet. “I'll make it up to you. Go sit down, I'll handle this.” He grabbed Isak by the shoulders and made him sit down before taking two plates from a cupboard and loading them up with eggs. “What do you want to do today? I kinda wanted to film a bit, I didn't upload anything yesterday, are you in the mood for that? You don't have to be in it, but we could go some place nice and think of something?” 

“I don't know”. Isak took a plate and stuck his fork into it but didn't begin eating. “Will Sonja be back here later?” 

“She feels so bad for last night, she promised to stay out all day to give us time. You don't like her much, do you?” Even didn't sound angry, the way he said it made it sound more like a fact than an accusation. He sat down across from Isak. “I think I get it. We both have intense roommates I guess.” 

It didn't have anything to do with Sonja being intense, but Isak didn't feel like pointing that out to Even. “Why did you guys break up?” He wasn't sure whether he wanted to know, but he had been wondering for a while now and he was sick of all the unanswered questions in his head. 

Even seemed a bit put off by the question and thought for a bit, but he answered nonetheless. “When we got together I needed a lot of support from her but then after a while I didn't anymore and I felt suffocated by her being there all the time, doing things for me, thinking for two. And also, since we lived together, there was no way of escaping her for even a second and we couldn't really take a break either.” Even got up again and walked towards the fridge, rummaging around. “She felt the same way, that we were just too close and had been through too much, so we took a step back and it worked out a lot better once we both did our own thing for a while.”

“Did you ever consider getting back together with her?” 

“I did, and she did too, but never at the same time and not really seriously. When you're that close to someone it's hard to completely close that chapter and not ever bringing it up again, but I feel a lot better not dating her than I did when we were together so I guess that's proof enough.” 

It didn't sound a lot like closure to Isak. He hadn't ever been in a relationship himself, but had helped Eskild through numerous break ups in the time they had lived together. Usually, after a short while, Eskild would burn pictures, block facebook accounts, send a last angry text message and vow to never speak to the guy again. Isak didn't really know anyone who was friends with their ex, let alone live with them. 

Even sat down again, pouring Isak a glass of juice. “We don't have coffee I'm afraid. Do you want to go out and get some?”

“It's fine, I'll survive.” Now that Even had brought it up, maybe the lack of coffee was why Isak felt particularly grumpy this morning. 

“Do you want to film today? How about a challenge, huh?” 

Isak groaned, but Even's eyes sparkled again, jokingly, and he couldn't help but smile back, just a tiny bit. “You sound like Eskild.” 

“Did you ever do the Yoga Challenge with him?”


	14. Chapter 14

Isak had never heard of the Yoga Challenge before but as it turned out it was quite self explanatory. Even had apparently done it before with Sana – Isak couldn't wait to find the video online – and had a link to some yoga positions at hand. 

“I do get the final say in what goes online and what doesn't.” Isak was sat on Even's bed, watching him warily. He was still a bit mad at him. He also really didn't think he would be able to do a single one of the positions without his dick becoming seriously interested in the whole thing. But he was willing to try.

“Of course, Isak, I wouldn't ever do that.” Even pushed his desk chair out of the way and cleaned up enough so that they would have enough space on the carpet in the middle of his room. He had changed into tight sweatpants and a pink sports bra he had gotten from Sonja's room. He looked ridiculous. His hair was pushed back by a yellow bandana and the sight of it alone did funny things to Isak. 

“I'm just doing this for the fun of it, not for youtube. If I don't want the video online, it's not going to go there and you're gonna delete the whole thing”, Isak repeated and Even turned around and looked at him. He then walked over to him and moved his hand through Isak's hair, holding on to the back of his head for a second. 

“I promise”, he said, making sure to look Isak in the eye. “That's what it should always be like. You do it because you want to, not because you need to upload. Just pretend there is no camera. Sharing it afterwards is just double fun, not the reason behind it.” 

Isak didn't quite agree. If he had fun doing something, he didn't need other people to see it in order to enjoy it twice as much. But he did have fun the last time he had filmed with Even. Well, it hadn't been the filming that had been fun, but the gaming. Uploading hadn't really made a difference to Isak. He wasn't in the mood for filming now, either, but he was very much in the mood to do something fun with Even rather than moping around and being mad at him. Afterwords, he would make him delete the video and not care about it. 

“But you don't get to do that little wink you do when the camera is on. It's annoying.” 

“What wink?” Even laughed and let go of Isak, winking at him with both eyes. 

Isak was glad he had brought sweatpants when he looked at the pictures that Even had pulled up on the screen of his laptop. It didn't look like they'd manage a single position. He began to understand why Even had picked this particular challenge though. There were feet near crotches and faces in between thighs and hands on butts. Even wanted to find out where they stood just as much as Isak did. 

“You ready?” Even smiled excitedly. He was teasing Isak by suggesting this to him, and Isak felt giddy just at the thought of getting his hands on him again. He didn't even know whether Even had already started the camera or not, but he didn't care. Apparently Even was just fine without an hour long intro to his videos in which he introduced himself anew every single time the way Isak knew it from being in Eskild's videos. Maybe he'd film it later. 

“Kind of”, Isak agreed. “Let's go.” 

The first position they attempted was easy enough. As Even was taller than Isak, he was the one who held Isak up, lying on his back, feet up in the air and placed on Isak's hips, their hands intertwined. Isak looked down at Even who was laughing so hard his arms began to tremble and Isak eventually fell off, only just managing to not crash onto Even's chest. He couldn't help but laugh along with him. 

“I can't see you doing this with Sana, I just can't”, Isak laughed. 

“Well, she did kick me in the balls when I slipped and accidentally touched her butt, and that was the first position so the whole thing was more fighting than anything else. It was good fun, though.” Even smiled at the memory and got up, scooting towards his laptop on the floor to open the next position. His sweatpants were hanging low on his hips and Isak thought of the camera a second too late. If they ended up uploading any of this, he already knew there would be gifs of him checking out Even's butt.

For the next position, Even sat flat on the ground, his legs stretched out in front of him, his back straight up. Isak was supposed to stand on his hands, placing them on either side of Even's lower legs, facing Even, his legs held up by Even's hands so that they formed a square. Surprisingly, Isak got onto his hands alright, but in order for him to stay up, Even had to steady him at his hips and theoretically let Isak walk away from him on his hands, getting into his position at Even's lower legs instead of at his thighs. They did no such thing, however.

They got stuck with Isak on his hands, one on each side of Even's thighs, with Even holding on to Isak's hips in order to keep him upright. Isak tried to walk forward but was distracted by his shirt obeying gravity and falling into his face, and he almost lost his balance as he tried to wriggle his face free. He could feel and hear Even laughing behind him for a second, but then it stopped being funny. Isak knew that his stomach was exposed and in perfect reach for Even, right in front of his face. 

He knew, and he should have expected it, but the touch still surprised him. His arms were already growing tired and began to tremble, but he could feel Even's hot breath on his stomach and nothing else mattered. He stilled at the first soft press of Even's lips against his lower stomach, again and again, little kisses that made Isak's breath come faster and heated up his skin. He could feel Even's tongue tracing the trail of blond hair upwards to his waistband, kissing him right there. Even if he hadn't been standing on his hands right now, he would have begun to shiver as Even bit into his skin lightly and then began to suck a deep red mark into it, right where his hip bone disappeared into his boxers and sweats. 

Isak moaned, he didn't want it to end but his arms gave in and he sank to the ground. Even kind of let him down with his arms, cushioning his fall as well as he could and his lips were on Isak's before he could think. He had fallen onto his back and Even was effectively sat behind his head, having gotten onto his knees and hovering over Isak the wrong way around. Their lips shouldn't have fit the way they did, what with Even in a weird position like that, but they did.

Isak's experience in kissing was so very very limited, but it didn't matter. Even pressed his lips against his with so much urgency, so much determination, that all he had to do was follow him and move his lips in time with his. He automatically reached up to bury his hands in Even's hair, pulling at his stupid bandana until it came off and Isak could pull at his hair again, holding Even close, scraping his nails against the back of his neck. 

Even groaned and bit down on Isak's lip, the way he was upside down making it feel even more intense, more foreign even to Isak, and he lifted his hips off the carpet in pleasure and his mouth fell open. Even immediately took advantage and their tongues met, sliding against each other hotly. Isak could feel his dick grow painfully hard impossibly fast, and he almost whined, hips pushing upwards into nothing again, hands pulling at Even's hair even harder. 

Isak revelled in the feeling of Even's tongue, his lips, his hair, but he needed his body closer to his, needed them to press against each other again, to hold on to him, pushing and pulling, and he hummed into Even's mouth, signalling him to pull back and Even did so without hesitation. Isak wasted no time in getting up and grabbing for Even who was on his knees, pushing him over and climbing onto his lap. 

He could already feel him hard and heavy underneath him and they both moaned at the friction, Even's hard dick pressing against Isak's ass as he was sat on top of him with Even's upper body still upright, arms wrapped around Isak's back, pulling at the fabric of his thin t-shirt. Isak grasped at Even's back frantically, needing to touch, needing that horrendous sports bra to just disappear. 

He made Even chuckle as he pulled and pushed at it but it wouldn't budge, both of them having kind of forgotten about Even wearing it. Even lifted his arms and Isak pulled it over his head with quite some difficulty, given that it was a few sizes too small, and they smiled against each other's lips. Isak's shirt followed the bra and they were free to finally touch, revelling in the amount of exposed skin. Isak let his hands roam over Even's chest again, rubbing over his nipples which made Even pant harder into his mouth and lift his hips up in tiny movements, rubbing himself against Isak who shuddered and let his eyes fall shut. 

“Fuck, Even”, he groaned, pressing down on him and making both of them let out sharp breaths. Their foreheads stuck together and their mouths were hanging open, lips still touching without any particular aim in mind. 

“Isak”, Even replied, almost teasingly, followed by a moan, his smile evident in his voice. Isak's heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name coming from Even's lips and he kissed him again, softer now, not intending to ever stop. He could feel Even's hands moving lower and lower on his back until they were pressing down on his ass, making Isak push closer yet until the hard line of his dick pressed against Even's stomach and Even let himself fall onto his back, pulling Isak with him, never breaking their kiss. 

There had been so many things Isak had wanted to do to Even, so many fantasies that had hunted his thoughts the last few weeks, but now that they were here, Even pinned down to the carpet underneath him, now that he was on his lap, straddling his waist, the only thing his body craved like it needed air to breathe was friction. 

Even pushed and grasped at Isak's ass in agreement, his own hips lifting off the carpet in frustration, groaning and begging silently until Isak finally gave in and thrust himself against Even, pleasure surging through his body like flames. He wasn't gonna be able to stop this time. He didn't know what he was doing but all that mattered was the pressure against his throbbing dick, the feeling of Even sliding against him, up and down, their sweatpants in the way, too much fucking fabric, but Isak couldn't be bothered to reach between them and get rid of it. 

There was no time for any of that, he was too far gone, only caring about Even's moans and gasps and the frantic movement of his hips against him. Isak's thrusts became harder, faster, and he could feel his balls aching, drawing up, the muscles in his stomach clenched together and he could hear Even letting out proper sounds now that only spurred him on and he opened his eyes in the last second, his only thought being that he wanted to see Even when he came. 

When he did, Isak lost it. Even's entire body thrashed underneath him, pulling Isak down and thrusting upwards at the same time, Isak could feel his dick twitch against him, heard his own name, drawn out in pleasure, and he bit down hard on Even's shoulder to muffle the sounds he was making as he came with him, stars dancing in front of his eyes, the euphoric feeling of it lasting forever, rubbing himself against Even until he was spent, and then he sank down on him, his body a shivering mess of quivering muscles and gasps for air. 

It was forever until one of them moved and even then it was merely Even's fingers trailing lazy circles over Isak's back. Isak rested his head onto Even's chest and listened to his heartbeat steadily slowing down to it's usual rhythm. He tried to match his own beating heart with Even's to keep his thoughts from catching up with him and it somewhat worked, until he felt those soft fingers on his back and his heart picked up speed again. 

They had really done this. With each other. He had seen Even like this, had let Even see him, had shared this incredibly vulnerable moment with him. In high school, he had heard some people say that it became less meaningful after a while, that eventually you realized it was just two bodies getting each other off, but Isak couldn't imagine ever doing this and not wanting to hold Even afterwards and taking the time to be amazed by the trust and appreciation between them. 

He kissed Even's chest in answer to his caresses and rested his chin on him in order to see his face. Even looked about as mindblown as Isak felt. Entirely drained but at the same time overwhelmed with the intensity of it all. 

“Are you okay?”, Isak whispered. He didn't think he would be able to stand it if Even actually said no. 

“Very. You too?” 

Isak nodded as good as he could with his chin propped up on Even's chest. “Let's move to the bed.”

“And get changed”, Even added. 

Even let Isak go to the bathroom first. Separating his body from Even's might have been the hardest thing Isak had ever had to do, but he managed. Once he had made it to the bathroom, he cleaned himself up and changed his boxers but didn't bother with new sweatpants, regardless of how he didn't have a pair to change into anyway. As he pulled up his underwear, his eyes fell on the purple mark Even had left right above his waistline and a rush of excitement went through him. 

He carefully let his fingers brush over the bruised skin. He had never had a hickey before. He had also never had anyone touch his skin like that, like they couldn't get enough of him. He wondered whether it would be weird to ask Even to give him more of those. Was that something you could simply ask for? Isak didn't know a thing about any of this. He could only hope that Even hadn't noticed in the heat of the moment and that it had been okay for him. He hoped he hadn't been selfish. It kind of felt like it, when his brain had shut down completely and he had thrust himself against Even like getting off was the most important thing in the world. If there was going to be a next time, he would make sure to take his time with Even, make it better for him. 

When he got back to the bedroom, Even was stood at the desk, dressed in clean boxers, holding the camera in his hands, apparently in the process of turning it off. 

“Oh my God”, Isak let out as he remembered it. “Has that been on the entire time?” 

“It has. Let's put it online right now, yeah?” 

“Don't even joke about that.” Isak's heart was beating fast. He didn't want that kind of footage to exist, not even in Even's hands. For a terrifying second, Isak was scared Even wouldn't want to get rid of it.

“I've already deleted it. You can check. It's a bit of a shame, but I guessed you wouldn't want to keep it, right?” 

“Right.” Isak let out a deep breath. Then he went over to Even and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. He decided in that moment, that he would trust him with anything. No more guesswork, no more tiptoeing around each other. He pressed a tender kiss onto his forehead and pulled him towards the bed with him.


	15. Chapter 15

“You still okay?”, Even asked yet again when they were comfortable in bed, lying on their sides, facing each other.

“Yes.” Isak couldn't remember whether he had ever been more okay, but something seemed off again. He could tell there was something on Even's mind as he looked lost in thought. “What's wrong?” Even simply looked at him for a bit, studying his face, but he didn't answer straight away. It made Isak nervous. “Did I do anything wrong? I mean, I've never really... Was it okay?” 

At that, Isak blushed again, but Even shook his head promptly, placing a kiss on Isak's forehead, his nose, his lips. “Nothing like that.” He kissed his lips again as in confirmation. “I feel bad for not asking whether you really wanted to. I mean, it seemed like it, but I still should have asked.” 

Isak frowned. “What makes you think I didn't want any of that? Was it not desperate enough?” He attempted a smile, but he honestly felt a bit ashamed by the way he had let himself be consumed by his desire for Even. 

“No, I heard you say you weren't ready. Eskild said something about you never having dated, in the kitchen yesterday, and you said you weren't ready. I got up that morning and I wanted to kiss you so so badly, but then you said that and I was going to let you decide whether you still wanted to or not, since you were drunk and all. And then you wouldn't even look at me properly the whole day, and you said that, so I wasn't sure anymore.” 

When Isak thought about it that way, it made sense. “I didn't mean I'm not ready for... those things with you.” He blushed again, regardless of how close they had just been, and still were. Even's fingers were wrapped around Isak's neck, his own hands were placed on Even's waist, warm and comfortable underneath the blanket. “I mean, I might suck at them, I don't really know what I'm doing, but I want to, so badly.” 

Even bit his lip to hide the smile that was spreading on his face for a second. “What did you mean then?” 

Isak had to think back to the conversation in order to answer. “I was thinking about us being all official, people knowing about it and us not giving a shit.” He suddenly felt stupid, thinking about those things when at that point they hadn't even kissed and it had really only been a slightly drunk make out session at a party. What if Even didn't even want anything more than that? He tried to recover by adding: “I mean, even if it's not official and all, just people knowing about me being into that, I'm not sure I want anyone talking about it just yet.” 

“Does that mean you wouldn't want to be with me properly or just that you would need some time to get used to the idea of us being out in public?” In that moment, none of Even's usual confidence was present in either his voice or on his face. He looked at Isak with so much worry that it hurt Isak physically. 

“No. I want to. If you do, that is.” It was the hardest thing Isak had ever had to say, to admit to anyone freely, and he was regarded with so much joy on Even's face that he wished he would have taken chances more often in his life before. Even leaned forward and kissed his lips, again and again, his hands moving up into Isak's hair to hold on to it tightly. 

Isak kissed him back eagerly, his boyfriend, he guessed, and the thought of it sent a wave of happiness through his body and he smiled into the kiss so hard that Even pulled back slightly and raised an eyebrow at him. 

They lay like that for quite a while, but no matter how much they kissed, and touched, and cuddled, Isak couldn't get enough. Every nerve ending in his body was wide awake, greedily awaiting Even's every touch, and he let himself explore his body with more confidence than he had thought he could master. Even made it so easy for him to ease into it, let him touch his chest, his neck, his cheeks, like he wanted to memorize the feeling of every inch of him. 

At first, they lay side by side, Even touching Isak just as much, but after a while Isak pushed him back and climbed on top of him again, spending what felt like hours mapping out his body with his hands and finally his mouth, kissing away every single bit of nerves and insecurity that tried to take over his mind. He learned where Even was ticklish, what made Even close his eyes and smile contently, where his touches resulted in little stuttering breaths. 

It wasn't long until they were both hard again, so very obvious, pressing against each other every now and then, the blanket having slid down their bodies, leaving the bulge in Isak's boxers in plain sight, but they didn't care for now. 

Isak leaned down to kiss Even's lips, still not used to their softness, the way Even was always so ready to open his mouth for Isak once he pushed the tip of his tongue against his lower lip in question. He sucked in a sharp breath when he felt Even press his thumb against the mark he had left on Isak's hip earlier.

“This looks so good on you”, he could hear Even mumble, kissing him again before Isak could answer, caressing the hickey with his fingertips. Isak only hummed in agreement and kissed down to Even's shoulder where he had bit him earlier without thinking about it, licking at the light red and blue bruise that had begun to form. He didn't think Even would have been able to see it yet without having looked into a mirror, but he definitely realized by the way Isak peppered healing kisses all around the area. 

He moved lower eventually, kissing Even's stomach the way he had done to him, fascinated by the way Even's muscles contracted repeatedly at the sensation. He reached his hipbones, right where Even had bruised him earlier, and did the same to him, sucking at his skin, trying out different techniques until he had it figured out and could see Even's skin turning the same shade of purple his own had gone. He looked up at Even innocently and became overly aware of Even's hardness right there, having grown bigger in the last few seconds, straining against his boxers way too tempting for Isak to ignore. 

He didn't take his eyes off Even's face when he moved even lower and could see Even pushing his head back into the pillows in an attempt to stay still. Isak sank down and brushed his nose against Even's covered length, blowing hot air against him, and then kissed him the way he had kissed his stomach and his chest, slowly and teasingly, down and then up again, trying to trail his tongue over it, but it felt off with the fabric of Even's dark boxers in the way. 

Even was making those small, whimpering noises again and Isak could see his fist grasping the sheets next to his body, knuckles turning white, pulling harshly at the blue linen. Isak thought about moving his boxers out of the way and swallowing him down, sucking him into his mouth until Even couldn't take it anymore, but the thought sent another wave of nerves through his body and he decided it could wait a bit. 

Instead, he licked and kissed his way up Even's chest again, sitting back down on him and began moving against him the way he had done earlier. The frustration of his own dick had become hard to ignore again and he wanted to see whether it was just as good the second time around. 

“Isak”, Even gasped and pushed him off his lap with a surprising amount of strength and leaned halfway over him instead, finally touching Isak again, desperately, on his back, his chest, his hips. He bit at Isak's lips, kissing them raw, and Isak loved the feeling of it, the little bit of pain that shot through his body every time their kisses became too rough. 

Even was holding himself up on his elbow, not all the way on top of Isak, and Isak could feel him hard and hot against his thigh, moving in small involuntary thrusts. He pushed his own hips up into nothing and could feel his heart skip a beat when Even wrapped his hand tightly around him only a second later. 

“Okay?” He hardly heard Even's rushed whisper through his own moans and gasps as Even rubbed his length up and down through his boxers, squeezing the swollen tip with his thumb, making it press against Isak's lower stomach where his dick was resting, pressing the heel of his hand against the base in a way that made Isak wonder whether he would last another second. He nodded frantically and threw his free arm up above his head and buried the other one in Even's hair, pulling at it again and making Even's hand move faster. 

He needed more, so much more, and as if Even could read his mind he pushed his hand inside Isak's boxers after only a minute and wrapped it around him, his own hips moving against Isak's thigh in short, hard thrusts, so fucking hot that Isak could only let out Even's name in warning before he came all over his hand, in no way less intense than he had the first time. He let his hand fall down to Even's lower back and pulled him towards him, indicating that he didn't want him to stop getting himself off, and he didn't and instead followed Isak within mere seconds. 

Even fell onto Isak after kissing him softly, and Isak pulled him in close, his mind racing. He hoped Even wouldn't fall asleep on him. There wasn't a single second of this day that he wanted to waste with one of them sleeping. 

“Does it always feel like this?”, he broke the silence, still somewhat catching his breath. 

“What do you mean?” Even asked into his chest, his warm breath brushing over Isak's nipples almost enough to make Isak lose his track of thought. 

“I mean, does it become boring after a while, when you do it more often, or will it always be... like this.” 

He could feel Even smile against his skin yet again. “I don't think there's a universal answer to that.” 

“Then what's your personal one?”

“Well, I've only ever slept with Sonja. With her it went back and forth, good sex and bad sex. It kind of depended on where we stood in our relationship, we always fought so much.” 

“Only Sonja?” Isak remembered the video Even had come out in. He had definitely said boyfriends. 

“Yes. I've kissed guys, I've dated them, but never for very long.” Even didn't bother looking up at Isak when he asked: “What about you?”

“You know the answer to that”, Isak said. If Even had overheard him and Eskild in the kitchen, then he knew. 

“You told Eskild, not me.” 

“I've never dated anyone. I kissed a girl once, when I was drunk.” 

He could hear Even give a small laugh and he finally propped his head up. “You're a horny drunk.” 

“I'm not, oh my god. I didn't even like it.” 

“Did you like it on Friday?” Even teased, and Isak couldn't help but smile. 

“I did”, he admitted. 

“Horny drunk.” Even fell back onto Isak's chest, chuckling. “I'm glad to hear you say that, though. I was a bit scared you were doing things you didn't mean.”

Even still smiled, but Isak became steadily better at telling when Even was being serious regardless of his light tone. His voice was different then, deeper somehow. And he tended to add his honest words as an afterthought to jokes, as if that made them less heavy.

“I meant it. All of it. The only thing I didn't mean was when I told you I didn't want to hang out with you last weekend when you were in Oslo. I wish I hadn't said that, we could have had so much time together then.” 

“Why did you say it? You said you had a crappy weekend, but why?” Even went back to looking at him, curiosity now in his eyes. 

Isak thought for a moment but decided to go with the truth, even if it was embarrassing now that he looked back at it. “When we had coffee I thought we were on a date but then you said and did all those things that made be believe you weren't into guys and it kind of hit me harder than it should have. Mostly because I never really liked anyone before, and then I did and I allowed myself to get my hopes up and it turned out to be impossible and that just sucked.” 

A frown wrinkled Even's forehead and Isak moved to trace the lines with his fingertips. “But I flirted with you so obviously?! I made sure you didn't think I was into Eskild, and I told you about Sonja just to let you know I was available.”

It was the perfect invitation for Isak to let go of another one of his worries. Sonja. He knew he wanted to talk to Even about her eventually, but he wasn't sure he wanted to ruin the moment like that. In the end, Even made the decision for him. “What it is about her that you don't like? I can tell that she bothers you. I get it, she's an ex so you're bound to not be a fan, but is it more than that?”

Isak took a deep breath and moved his fingers down to Even's cheeks, not able to stop touching his face. “It doesn't feel like it's completely over. You're so close to her still, it's weird.” 

“Isak, I've known her for almost ten years now. We've been together less than four of that. What we have is so much more than that relationship, she's my best friend, I can't just limit her to being an ex and stop spending time with her because of that. I know it's a bit messy and we both sometimes regret that we blurred all those lines so much, but it is what it is, and I know for sure that it's over. I promise, there's nothing there but friendship.” 

Even sounded so incredibly sincere, it was hard for Isak not to believe him. He guessed, they would have to just wait and see how it went. “Maybe we can have another dinner with her and I'll be nicer”, he offered, earning himself a kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos!!! :)  
> Warning: Even being bipolar comes up in this chapter, I will add notes about this at the end so you don't get spoiled.

Isak and Even spent the rest of the day with yet another attempt at the yoga challenge. More often than not, they ended up kissing on the ground, touching each other constantly, not being able to take their eyes off of each other. Isak ignored the camera, he simply liked the way filming brought Even so much joy and he practically begged Even to edit the material in the evening just so that he could watch him again. Watching Even mess around with all his programs and the clips was sure to become Isak's new favourite activity. 

He didn't allow Even to post anything though. He didn't make him delete it and he asked him to send it to him so he could watch it on his own, but he didn't want it online. At least not for now. 

They stayed in bed all day apart from the yoga, kissing and laughing, and eventually ordered food. After dinner, they called Eskild on skype, not holding back any on-camera-cuddles, and let him know they were doing great, which made Eskild cry literal tears. 

It was a lot closer to Isak's usual bedtime than it had been the last few days, when they finally fell asleep in each others arms. Consequently, they slept in the next morning, wasting yet another half day in bed. When Isak woke up around noon, Even was already awake, laptop on his knees. It looked like he had just uploaded a video to youtube. 

“When did you film?” Isak mumbled sleepily to get Even's attention. 

“I didn't, this is old stuff I had on my computer. I just felt like uploading something, I've gotten so many messages asking where I am.” 

“It's been what, three days? Do they have no chill at all?” Isak felt like pushing the laptop over just so that he could have Even to himself and lay down on top of him, but he settled for scooting closer to his side. 

“They don't, I love it”, Even laughed. “Look at the Evak tag, yes?” Before Isak could reply, he opened tumblr and Isak groaned. 

“Not that again, it's so weird!” 

“You looked at our future baby in the coffee shop, don't give me 'weird'!” Even pushed his shoulder into Isak jokingly while Isak went scarlet red. 

“How did you see that?”

“Mirrors, Isak, they were right behind you. But look at this!” He began reading from the screen, making himself sound like an excited fan. “First, we get those videos, then we get pictures of Evak in the park at night, then they are holding hands at Eskild's party, and now both of them disappear for a whole weekend. Three guesses as to what they're doing.” 

Even raised his right eyebrow at Isak, pretending to be shocked. Then he began laughing so hard the laptop was shaking and he had to hold on to it. Isak's mouth fell open with disbelief. “How?”, he asked. “How do they know about the party? Eskild didn't post that stuff, did he?”

“He didn't. Well, he cut us out so it was even more obvious. People kind of wondered about those two censored guys. But pretty much every person on that party was a youtuber or the friend of one. We're in all kinds of vlogs and pictures. When have you last checked your phone?” He laughed again but realized quickly that Isak wasn't as happy as he was. “Hey, you said you didn't mind 'Evak' and it's not like our yoga porn went online or anything, it's just us dancing.” Even tried to comfort Isak and moved to stroke his hair, but it was evident that he still thought it was funny. 

To Isak's own surprise, he had to admit that it didn't bother him as much as it did before. At least the reactions online seemed to be mostly supportive of them, it wasn't like he had to deal with much negativity. The way Even was so quick to brush it off also helped. Besides, as much as he disliked the idea of coming out, he hated the idea of hiding Even even more. Still, it wasn't anything he wanted to think about so early. 

“Look at these people, they started a petition to have Eskild break into your room just to get an update from you.” Even pointed at yet another post. “And have you seen this nice picture of you throwing yourself in between me and Eskild when all we do is talk?” Isak had to admit it looked pretty funny, the way he looked so offended, his hands pushing at Even's chest, when he and Eskild were standing about two arms lengths away from each other. “I saw a post earlier made by people who have found the puppy video you filmed with Eskild once and photoshopped my face onto the puppies you're cuddling, it was hilarious, let me find it.” 

Isak shook his head, but he laughed nonetheless. “Seems like me coming out would be pretty anti climatic after all”, he mumbled. 

“Which is a good thing, right?”

“Maybe.” Isak decided to push at the laptop after all, pouting while he shoved it off of Even's lap so he could move on top of him instead. “Did you just always know? That video you did last week, that wasn't your first time admitting it.” 

It wasn't a question and Even didn't take it as one. He reached out for Isak's hips and regarded the state of the hickey on his hips. “It wasn't, people in my life have always known, I always have too, it was just the first time I said something about in on the channel. I haven't had it for that long after all. Breakfast?”

They went into the kitchen together where they found a set table and a note from Sonja who wished them a good morning. Maybe Even was right and she wasn't that bad after all. Which didn't have to be a good thing, because that also made Even more likely to fall back in love with her. But Isak had to learn how to trust him if he wanted this to work, and Even had said it was over, so that was it for now. 

It didn't surprise Isak much that Even read the paper, looking like a senior citizen with a cup of tea in one and the local news in the other hand. Isak couldn't stop smiling at him. He had a smart boyfriend who looked like that and went to university to become a big deal in the film industry. He already knew a wave of self loathing would hit him before he even felt it properly, but he did. It was Monday morning, Even was reading the news, Eskild would be looking over his weekly to do list right now, managing his life, and yet again Isak had slept in and looked forward to a week of absolutely zero plans. What a catch. 

To make things worse, the thought of his upcoming boring week made him remember that he never dropped off his resume at the coffee shop like he had been supposed to. He had taken one step forward and already messed it up. Isak pushed his plate away from himself angrily, feeling suddenly defiant like a little kid. “I never dropped off my application”, he explained to Even as he looked up. “For the job.”

Even lowered his paper. “You can try and do it today, maybe they won't mind.” 

“They will, though. Why would they want me working for them if I can't even bring my papers by on time. And I get it, too, it's my own fault.” 

“It happens, Isak, don't beat yourself up. There's a million coffee shops in Oslo, we'll just try another one.” 

Isak had always been moody, but the way his temper was rising right now was not normal. “Easy for you to say, with your uni degree, your ambitions, your goals, your hot study buddies, your opinions on politics. You could go into any coffee shop and smile and get a job. That waitress that hit on you, she'd probably hire you in an instant.” He knew he was overreacting, he knew he would be sorry afterwards, but he couldn't help it. Isak didn't dare looking at Even for fear of seeing his hurt face. 

“You're envious of my life, then? Is that it?” The words could have sounded so harsh, but somehow, coming from Even, they didn't. They sounded like they were filled with perfect understanding and Isak hated them. “Isak, look at me. Talk?”

Even pushed his chair over so that he was sat next to Isak instead of across the table from him. “I'm not 'envious'.” Isak made a show of imitating Even's voice. “I can just see that you'll get bored of me hanging around in my room all day while you do all those things you do, being smart and having life figured out.” He still didn't look up at Even and he felt like crying again. He had managed to mess with their relationship on the very first day. “I'm sorry for being all dramatic, it sometimes just happens, I hate it, too”, he added silently.

“I don't hate it.” Even sounded strange all of a sudden and it made Isak look up at him after all. He looked even more pained than Isak had thought he would. “I'm bipolar, I know what you mean. It sucks.” 

“Bipolar?” Isak repeated stupidly. He had heard of it before, he knew Magnus' mother had the same diagnosis, but it still didn't mean much to him. 

“Ups and downs, mainly. Like, extremes, mania and depression. It was really bad when I was in high school and the year after, but I've been on meds for years now, I see multiple doctors, I've got it under control. I'm not healed or anything, it's still there, and it's probably good that we talk about it because you will notice eventually, but I'm dealing with it. Have been for years, and it's getting easier with time and support.” 

They looked at each other, Even's lower lip trembled with nerves. “The reason I'm telling you is because I don't want you thinking you're worthless just because you don't know what to do with your life right now. I don't think you're lazy, I don't think you need a kick in the butt. Sometimes you get overwhelmed and there's nothing you can do about it, I wouldn't see you any differently if I had met you in some debate club at uni. You taking the year off does not define you, okay?”

Isak was so used to talking himself into his own emotions, he didn't know how to deal with the sudden calm that fell over him. All he could do was nod, wipe at his eyes a few times, and eventually reach for Even's hand since he didn't know what to say to him. 

“You're amazing, Isak, you'll find something that excites you and then you'll be motivated to work for it, I'm sure. And even if you don't, that's alright, we'll figure it out. You're with me now, I'm with you. Tell me when you feel like shit, there's no need to be ashamed of it. Even if there's no reason, I get it. Just talk to me, okay?” 

“Okay.” It was easier to agree then Isak would have guessed. Even made it so incredibly easy to believe him. Next time he felt like shit for complaining about his life when he didn't do a single thing to change it, he would talk to Even. Even would understand. That's how easy it was. 

He reached for Even and wrapped his arms around him awkwardly but as best as he could from his position. “I really, really like you”, he whispered, and with Even's body so close to his and the way he repeated Isak's words without hesitation, breathing suddenly became easy again, and he knew that he was going to be alright. 

“I don't even want to work at a coffee shop”, he admitted. “I would suck at it. Serving people when I can't even really take care of myself properly. I just wanted a job to feel better about my life.” 

“Great, one thing off the table then. One less thing to worry about.” 

Even made it sound so incredibly easy. “Mhmh”, Isak made while smelling Even's hair. “Thank you for telling me. About the bipolar thing. Do people in your life know about it? I mean, is it a secret?”

He let go of Even even though he didn't really want to. But he wanted to see his face when they were talking like that.

“Oh yes, people know. Not everyone of course, I don't go around telling everyone that'll listen, but it's not a secret. I used to hate when people knew but these days I think it makes it easier. I'm glad I've told you.” 

“You'll have to tell me about it, I really don't know much. You remember Magnus? His mum has it too, but I've only met her like once or twice.”

“I will. Not now though, okay? I don't really feel like it.” 

Instead of talking, they kissed. Until their lips felt sore again and Sonja eventually came home from uni and sat down with them, apologizing yet again for Saturday night. Isak apologized, too. He also made a point of calling Even his boyfriend a few times and taking his hand, making both Even and Sonja smile fondly at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out that I do not know anyone in real life who is bipolar and that my take on it is purely instinctive. I haven't done much research on it, so if anyone feels like the story doesn't portray it accurately or feels offended in any way, I am very sorry and please come talk to me about it, I know it's a sensitive subject and I don't want to treat it lightly. I do know that people with other forms of mental illness feel about it the way that I portrayed it, so I just decided to go with that. Even in this story deals with it differently than he does in the show, I am aware of that and it's done on purpose to help Isak grow as a character, I don't mean to just avoid the problem and make it easier for them:)


	17. Chapter 17

Eventually, Isak had to leave Even's place. Even had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday in the early morning and a dinner with friends on Monday night which was why he walked Isak to the train station right before that, looking good in his tight jeans and dress shirt. 

They hugged and whispered goodbyes into each others ears for quite some time before Isak got on the train, but Even respected Isak's momentary apprehension about public display of affection and instead kissed him the last time before they left the flat. Really, he didn't just kiss him, he gave Isak a raging hard on by pressing him against the door and pushing his body close to his, sucking a new hickey into the skin of his collarbone “to remember him by”. 

Isak waved at him from inside the train but already knew they would see each other again soon. Still, he felt a bit sad, sitting on the train by himself, and busied himself by listening to music and scrolling through the notifications, comments, and messages he had received on his social media the last few days.

Most of them was people crying over Evak, demanding answers and sending fanart of them his way. He didn't feel like replying to any of them or uploading anything new to address the whole thing. He liked it when Even did youtube, he liked watching him, but his motivation to interact with his own subscribers equalled zero these days. He remembered Even's weekly Q&A was due though, and he suddenly wondered what Even would say today, and when he was going to film at all. 

He had an hour on the train alone with his thoughts and inevitably, they came back to Even's confession and his words in the kitchen this morning. Even being bipolar didn't scare Isak. He wanted to know more about it, he wanted to know what exactly it meant and whether there was anything Even needed from him, but he didn't think it would be anything they couldn't figure out. Apparently, Even had taken a lot of steps already to make the whole thing manageable. 

He thought about Even, not doing all that great after graduation, dealing with his mental illness, his sexuality, the fact that he hadn't been accepted into uni right away, his difficult relationship with Sonja as both a girlfriend and a roommate, and the general stress of leaving high school and starting an adult life. Yet again, he felt proud of him, and this time he knew that Even did indeed need him to be just that. He would never stop being in need of support, just like Isak had just needed his. 

He remembered Even saying that he had needed a lot of support from Sonja at some point, and their close connection became more clear to him then. If Sonja had been with him through all of this, Isak wouldn't want to push her away from Even now. After all, she probably had helped Even a lot, making it possible for him to be who he was today, and Isak wouldn't want that to be any other way.

Isak also remembered what Even had said about them breaking up because they had been too close. He thought about what that said about them, and what he could do to not let what had happened to Sonja and Even happen to himself and Even too. 

“You're with me now, I'm with you”, he had said to him, and Isak already knew that wouldn't ever forget those words, that was how much they meant to him. But he also knew, that he didn't want to have to run to Even every time he felt bad. He was falling in love him, a lot more quickly than he had ever thought possible, and he was willing to accept the comfort and the support Even had offered him this morning. He didn't want Even to become his whole life, though. He didn't want to start thinking that now that he had a boyfriend, none of his previous worries and problems mattered anymore. It simply meant that he felt a lot closer to being able to face them, now that he knew that Even would be there for him no matter what. 

About half way between Even's place and Oslo, he began trying to turn his jealousy of Even's life, and not only his but also Sonja's, and Sana's, and Magnus' and Mahdi's, pretty much everyone he knew, into something that would make him less sad. He had spent so much time being annoyed with people and their achievements, he had never thought to use it to his advantage before. He would take all of those ugly thoughts and find something he could do with them instead. He didn't have to be like them. He didn't need Sonja's or Sana's brains, or Even's looks, or Eskild's confidence. If he wanted to be more like the people around him, that was a pretty great thing he was able to say about his life. 

Shortly before he arrived in Oslo, his cheeks glowing with how much insight he had gained in the last hour, Even posted a picture on instagram. It was a selfie taken in the bathroom of the restaurant Isak knew he had gone to. Isak liked it and commented with a green heart, not really caring about anything other than making Even smile. By the time he had arrived at his flat, Even had sent him five green hearts via facebook messenger. 

Isak found the flat empty, but a rainbow coloured sticky note that said 'coffee with the girls tomorrow at 11' was stuck to the door of his room. He went inside and suddenly got the weird sensation that the weekend hadn't really happened. He was back in his room that looked just like he had left it when inside his head, everything had changed. He used to always be so glad to be back in his room by the end of the day, but tonight he didn't feel like being alone at all. 

He ended up calling Jonas, and after two hours of conversation about new games, Jonas' family, and the new xbox Jonas had gotten recently, Isak finally burst and asked him whether he had heard of Evak. Jonas had, and Isak spent the rest of the night talking about Even, about everything that had happened during the last few weeks. Jonas eventually offered that he had also started dating someone new, and they stayed up all night sharing thoughts and experiences. They also agreed on a new date for Jonas to finally come down to Oslo. 

After they had hung up, Isak realized that Even had uploaded his Monday Q&A just in time before midnight. It wasn't edited, and it wasn't very long, but apparently he had gotten around to filming some time after dinner. In reply to his video from last week, he answered questions about himself not being straight, when he had noticed, how he felt about it now. It was mostly things that Isak already knew by now. But he was enthralled by the way Even was sat on his bed, legs crossed, looking better than ever, talking about it as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

“I've encountered negativity about it before, of course I have, but I've learned to not let it get to me”, Even said. “My head creates so many problems on its own, I don't need anyone else's in addition to that. I'll deal with the things that actually worry me, not with the ones that other people want me to worry about. Not only being into girls isn't something I spend much time thinking about anymore, it just is what it is.” 

His words made Isak smile. He could almost hear himself saying them too, one day. He sent Even another heart. 

The next morning, Isak woke up to a message sent by Eskild that included a picture of himself and Noora and a reminder to not forget about their coffee date. Isak got up and made it just in time, grateful for some hot coffee after a whole weekend of abstinence. He sent Even a picture of himself drinking it and was then interrupted by Eskild who was shocked that first, Even had gotten Isak to use facebook messenger, and second, that Isak still didn't even have Even's number. Eskild sent it to him promptly, shaking his head at the scandal.

After that, Isak texted Even underneath the table until he was rudely interrupted again by the the arrival of Eva and Vilde. They talked about youtube, predictably, and filmed a vlog together after Isak's halfhearted agreement. Once the camera was safely tucked away in Eskild's bag, Isak decided it was time. He had told Eskild, he had told Jonas, Sonja already knew, and for the rest of the world it was painfully obvious. He still didn't feel like posting anything more direct online about it, simply because he didn't think it was his obligation to do so, but these were his friends. His friends who accepted Eskild, and Even, and had made out with each other at the party last week without shame. 

“I'm with Even now”, he blurted out in a rare moment of silence and was yet again presented with the sight of Eskild bursting into tears. The girls weren't surprised and skipped the stage of tentative questions he had gone through with Jonas last night and jumped right into pestering Isak about Even's body, moving on to creating vivid daydreams about him when Isak wouldn't give up any information of that kind. 

He sent another green heart to Even, above the table this time. 

Isak felt like weights were lifted off his chest one by one. For the first time in forever, he actively engaged in the conversation they had after they had discussed Even's abs in way too much detail. It had made Isak want to jump onto the next train and rip his clothes off. By the time they separated, Eskild was hyper again, having had too much coffee and feeling celebratory about Isak's “personal growth into a real human being”. They spent the evening watching Dirty Dancing which ended up with Eskild crying again and fell asleep on the couch after too much beer and Chinese noodles. 

On Wednesday, Isak grew impatient to see Even again and he called him in the afternoon to ask whether he could come over again. Much to his disappointment, Even had promised his parents to have dinner with them and would be staying at their place for the night. He told Isak to come over tomorrow though, which was why Isak hung up with a smile on his face. 

When Isak had hung up the phone, he realized he had a new facebook notification. It was a friendship request from Sonja and he hesitated for a second before he accepted it. Being friends with Even's ex on facebook might have been weird in some other case, but since they were still friends themselves, Isak guessed it was okay. He was surprised when he saw that Sonja had also sent him a message. 

“Hey Isak, Even talked about you looking for a job or something similar. He made me watch videos on your channel a while ago (yes, he was crushing on you way back) and I remember you liked gaming. For uni we had to work together with different magazines to design some cover art, and one of them was a gaming magazine. I still have a number I could send your way, I could also let them know you're going to call. They were looking for an intern. Let me know!”

Isak had to read the message twice. He knew that the most important information in it should be the prospect of an internship, but he first had to process “he was crushing you way back”. How long ago was “way back”? He smiled stupidly at his phone, thinking of Even showing Sonja his videos, telling her he thought he was cute. Like you did among friends. 

He replied to Sonja quickly, thanking her a thousand times and told her he'd come over tomorrow so she could tell him more then. 

Before he went to bed that night, Isak checked the Evak tag. He was aware of how weird it was, but he knew Even checked it regularly, too, so he used that as an excuse. He had been terrified at the thought of people only associating him with Even in the very beginning, but somehow he felt no longer scared when he typed 'Evak' into the search bar. All he saw was millions of people being happy for him. He scrolled down for quite a while, marvelling at the beauty of Even's face, missing him like hell, growing hard at the mere thought of seeing him tomorrow.


	18. Chapter 18

Even though Isak had only been to Even's place once before, it already felt like he was following a routine when he got on the train the next day. Even picked him up from the station again and Isak practically jumped into his arms without thinking twice about it. It had only been two days but Isak had missed him like crazy and there was no way he would deny himself a hug for another second. Even seemed to agree as he pulled Isak into him so quickly that Isak was actually lifted off his feet for a second and he gave a surprised shriek. 

Isak hadn't thought he would grow comfortable with being out in public with Even so incredibly quickly, but he didn't mind it for the moment and decided to accept that fact, giving Even a quick kiss on the lips. Even seemed surprised, but he closed his eyes for a second as if to savour the feeling of it. 

“Shit, I wanted to bring you flowers but I thought we were still doing the whole 'no boyfriends in public' thing so I dropped the thought.” 

Isak smiled at that. “That would have been so weird, thanks for not following through”, he laughed, even though his heart jumped at the thought of Even waiting for him with a cliché bunch of red roses behind his back. He took Even's hand in his, ignoring the way his cheeks felt warm, and started walking away from the busy station and towards the more quiet neighbourhood in which Even lived. This would take some real getting used to. But he was willing. He wanted this like he had never wanted anything else. 

“I'm fine with saving it for the bedroom for now, Isak, don't feel pressured.” Even looked at Isak and their joint hands with a bit of concern in his eyes. 

“I know it really hasn't been long since I said I wasn't ready for any of this, but ever since I said it out loud, I realized it's not really true.” Isak explained as they walked. “I go back and forth the entire time, and if I could avoid the whole subject I gladly would, but that would mean I couldn't be with you and that's not an option.” He caught the smile on Even's face even though he wore that gigantic scarf again, the one that hid half of his face. “I told most of my friends and it went so well. I feel okay for now.”

Even simply squeezed Isak's hand in his. “I'm proud of you. I've missed you so damn much, it feels like I haven't seen you in forever.” 

“I know. I brought like half my closet with me, I can stay until you kick me out.” 

“Won't happen.”

As they walked, their hands in between them becoming more of a comfort with every step they took, Isak asked Even about the dinner with his parents, and told him about his last few days, catching up as if they hadn't still talked to each other every day. 

Once they reached Even's flat, Isak remembered the message Sonja had sent him yesterday and he asked Even about it. 

“I told her you were looking for a job, yes. Just casually, not like, in a weird way. Do you like the idea?”

“I don't really know what I would have to do.” 

“You can ask Sonja, I think she's home.” Even began taking off his layers, placing his scarf on one hook on the coat rack and two jackets on the one next to it. “But you know you don't have to agree, right? It's just an idea.”

Isak took his own coat off and got rid of it. “No, I mean, it would be cool, I guess. I would have loved to have found out about the internship myself though, I don't like the idea of only getting a chance because Sonja talked to someone.” 

“That's how it works, you know people who know people, there's no shame in accepting help.”

Isak nodded and decided to get the number from Sonja straight away before he could change his mind. He knocked on her door while Even made them some tea. 

It turned out that Sonja had friends over which was why their talk was limited to the basics. “I don't know exactly what they're looking for, but it doesn't have to do with art, don't worry. Probably something about rating games and deciding what goes into the issues, this kind of stuff”, she explained and scribbled a number on a piece of paper. Isak took it and felt like he held more in his hands than just a phone number. This actually sounded like something he might actually be interested in. 

He went to Even's room and dialled the number, as Even was still busy in the kitchen and he might as well get a move on. Even came in while Isak was leaving his contact details with someone who promised to get back in touch with him about an application and a personal meeting. Isak was standing near the window and let his head rest against Even's shoulder when he walked up behind him and held him close, nuzzling his hair. Once Isak had hung up, he turned his head around and smiled brightly. 

“It sounds really cool, at least they said they're still looking for someone. They'll be in touch.” 

Even leaned down to kiss him. “That's amazing. And even if it doesn't work out, you tried.” He kissed him again, pulling Isak in closer, holding him by the waist. “Would you be in the mood to film?” 

Isak gave a fake pout. By now, he knew that filming with Even was a lot different than filming on his own had always been. He didn't mind the camera when Even was sat next to him, he didn't mind people talking about him as much when he wasn't required to reply, or to be in constant touch with them and feel like he had to explain himself daily. Filming with Even was fun. All the responsibility that came with it, was Even's. If Isak didn't feel like facing the world of youtube, he simply wouldn't read the comments. “What do you want to film? Like, the boyfriend tag?”, he laughed. 

Even's eyebrows shot up and his face lit up as if Isak had just proposed to him. “I've always wanted to do the boyfriend tag with someone! Never had a boyfriend before to do it with!” He actually pushed Isak away from him and turned him around so he could look at him. 

“I was joking”, Isak exclaimed, but he already knew he was a goner for Even's joyful face. Still, Even apparently felt the need to convince him and he leaned down and began kissing Isak's neck, slowly and teasingly. “Alright”, he breathed out and he could feel Even smiling against him. “But I want to decide when we post it. We probably will, but maybe not right now. I don't know how I feel about it just yet.”

“Of course, Isak. I already told you that, nothing goes online that you don't want to go there.” 

They kissed for a little while longer until Isak was out of breath and he could feel Even hardening against his thigh. “If you want to film, now's your last chance”, he stated and, Isak didn't know how he did it, but Even moved away from him in a matter of seconds and grabbed for his camera. Isak somewhat wished Even had pushed him onto the bed instead, but he guessed they could wait until later. 

They settled down at Even's desk, Even set up his camera and then googled questions they would answer. This time, he didn't skip the introduction Isak was used to from Eskild's channel. Instead, he waved at the camera in excitement once it was turned on, and pulled Isak into his side. 

“Hello guys, today I am here with my insanely cute boyfriend Isak.” He squished Isak's cheeks and Isak shoved at him playfully, probably with an adoring look in his eyes. “We decided to do the boyfriend tag together, so Isak, tell me, when did we first meet?”

They mostly went for questions that were relatively harmless, revealing how things had developed between them and praising Eskild for playing Cupid. Isak refused to talk about any details, but he was more than ready to complain about Even's obsession with filming and editing, which he knew everyone could tell he was totally in love with. They bickered about Isak's bad coffee habits and Even being ticklish and finally Even placed a kiss right on Isak's lips and Isak blushed yet again, but he placed a hand on Even's leg underneath the table, outside of the camera's reach. 

When Even asked Isak what he had first thought of him, Isak yet again remembered Sonja's message. “You go first. What did you think of me when you stalked my channel way back? Remind me, how long ago was 'way back' again?” 

Even's eyes went small again with how bright his smile was. He simply wasn't ever embarrassed. “I knew about your channel before I even created my own. I've followed Eskild for years, so I knew when you moved in with him and showed up in all his pictures all of a sudden. I always thought you were adorable, but I only messaged Eskild about a collaboration a few weeks ago, after I saw that puppy video you did with him. That's what did it for me.” 

Isak couldn't quite believe it. Even had felt this way before he had even known Even existed. While Even went on to talk about the first time they had seen each other, Isak wearing an Avocado face mask and being all flustered, a wave of affection went through his body and he squeezed Even's thigh underneath the table, inching his hand upwards towards his crotch. He could see Even's eyelids fluttering close for just a second but he continued telling his story, looking into the camera, playing along. 

Isak was facing Even however, watching the way he moved his left hand to the edge of the tabletop to hold on to it tightly once Isak had almost reached his destination. He continued rubbing his fingers into Even's upper leg, smirking at how Even's breath caught for a second and how he turned his head to look at Isak after all. Isak lifted an eyebrow at him the way Even did it so often himself.

“Tell them about how we filmed the next day?” He prompted, trying to get Even to keep talking, as he quite enjoyed himself. Even's eyes were sparkling again, a mixture of delight and lust in them, and he turned to face to his imaginary viewers again. Isak could feel Even growing hard with his hand so close to him, and he let his fingers dance over him lightly, pressing down at the tip. 

“We filmed the Body Part Challenge the next day and...”, Even began, but he had to bite his lip as Isak moved his hand over him, pressing the heel of his hand into his hardening length that lay flat against his thigh. Isak wondered whether that hickey was still visible on his hip. “Isak”, Even half groaned, and he turned off the camera with his right hand before wrapping it around Isak's neck and pulling him into a heated kiss. 

Isak kissed him like he had waited years for it, had been starving for it, and he kind of had. He didn't move his hand away from Even and instead rubbed him harder through his jeans, making Even moan and attempt to pull Isak into his lap. They wouldn't quite fit though, and Isak had to hold on to the desk to keep himself from falling off. At that, Even got up and pushed Isak on top of it, moving to stand in between Isak's knees, not once allowing their lips to separate. 

Isak wrapped his legs around Even's hips and pushed his hands underneath his shirt. He moved the fabric upwards until he had to stop kissing Even in order to take it off. When he did, he had to swallow hard, taking in the sight of Even in front of him, shirtless, muscles straining against his skin when he lifted up his arms in order to get undressed for him, an almost faded mark visible on his shoulder, another one on his hips. The fact that Isak knew he was the one who had put them there, that he knew Even had done the same to him, was almost too much for him to handle. 

He jumped off the desk, almost landing on Even's foot, and pushed him backwards, getting rid of his own shirt on their way to the bed. They stumbled onto the mattress together, their bodies closely intertwined, and Isak couldn't help but press himself against Even again, over and over, until they were both a moaning mess of limbs and heat and lips. Even's hands found their way into the back of Isak's jeans and Isak happily let them. 

He moved his own hands down to the button of Even's jeans but got distracted by his dick straining against the demin in a clearly visible bulge. Unable to control himself, he moved his hand over it again roughly, making Even shudder and swear until all Isak wanted was to get him out of his clothes. He opened Even's jeans and pulled the zipper down hastily but he had to stop again before he actually pulled them down his legs. Instead, he let out a sharp breath when Even moved his hands to Isak's front, popping the button of his jeans a lot quicker than Isak had managed, and pushed his hands inside them, inside his boxers, and wrapped his right hand around him. 

Isak let himself be distracted and sat up on top of Even. Instead of going for his jeans, he enjoyed Even's slow rubs, up and down his dick, the feeling of Even following and sitting up with him, kissing his neck again, sucking at it harshly, no doubt creating new marks. Isak couldn't help but moan, stumbling over Even's name over and over, pushing his hips up into Even's fist, his jeans having been pushed almost all the way down to his thighs. 

“Fuck, Even, please” he let out, hips moving faster, urging Even to speed up the rhythm of his fist, but Even didn't comply. Instead, he pushed at Isak's chest until he was hovering over him again and the movement of his hand in Isak's boxers became almost painfully slow, pretty much limited to his fingers rubbing over his leaking tip, making Isak throw his head back into the mattress in frustration. 

He could feel Even kissing and biting down his chest, and all of a sudden he knew where this was going and the thought of it alone made him bite down on his lip hard, trying desperately not to come right then, into his boxers when Even was still busy kissing his hips, licking over his almost healed bruise before sucking a new one into his skin. 

“Fuck, Even”, he let out, moving his fingers into Even's hair, trying so very hard not to push his head down, not to make Even do anything he didn't want to do, but Even merely moaned at the feeling and pulled Isak's boxers down, finally, kissing around him for a little bit longer before wrapping his lips around him, making Isak lose his mind in pleasure. 

Isak gasped for air and he knew he was being louder than he should be, what with Even having a roommate, but he was too far gone to care. Even began moving his lips over his hard dick, his tongue rubbing at the underside, his cheeks sucked in, and Isak knew at once that he wouldn't last another second. He couldn't help but push his hips off the mattress and deeper into the heat of Even's mouth and it actually made Even groan. 

Even had been holding on to Isak's hips, but his one hand now moved down to hold on to the base of Isak's dick, stroking him where he couldn't fit him into his mouth, faster than his mouth was moving, and it drove Isak insane with want. His other hand vanished somewhere and a second later Even hummed around him again, moaning, sucking Isak even harder and Isak opened his eyes, needing to see whether Even was actually touching himself like he thought he was. 

Isak was only able to watch Even for a second before he came hard down his throat. He took in the way Even's pupils were blown, looking up at Isak in pure lust, and the way he could tell Even had a hand down his jeans, fast movements of his wrists rocking the bed. Isak didn't want to close his eyes, but he had to as overwhelming pleasure shot through him and his hips pushed forward on their own accord and he could feel Even's throat contract around his tip. 

Before he was even done he was reaching for Even, pulling him up to him, pulling and pushing at his wrist until Even groaned, sounding like he was too close to stop now, but let Isak replace his own hand with his anyway. Isak gasped at the feeling of Even's dick in his hand, hot and hard, his skin soft and wet, sliding against Isak's fingers in a way that turned Isak on beyond compare and made him wish he had done this sooner. 

It only took Even a second to follow Isak, hips pushing up into his fist, Isak's name on his lips, their sticky foreheads pushing together in an attempt to get closer but being too distracted to kiss.


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! 
> 
> Thank you one last time for all the love that you have given this story, all the kudos and comments meant everything to me. Writing this has brought me so much joy and I am so glad to hear that apparently you guys had fun reading it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about it with me, posting this has been a great experience for me and I hope that you take away something from it as well:)  
> Also, I would like to thank my friend Doriane who has endured endless conversations about this story with me <3
> 
> One last thing: I am currently outlining an icehockey!AU about Evak. I don't know for sure whether it's going to happen but I like the idea of it and I would love to hear some ideas or get some inspiration from you, even if it's just a "yes I would read that" :) 
> 
> Thank you yet again for all the support and love, I love you right back <3<3<3

Isak stayed at Even's place until the end of the weekend. While they spent the evenings and nights underneath the blankets, kissing, touching, exploring each other's bodies in the dark, they went out during the days and Isak helped Even create his insanely useless form of entertainment for his channel. Isak watched Even edit whenever he could, he held Even's hand in public, and slowly got used to the way people cast glances at them from time to time. 

On Sunday evening, Even began filming his weekly Q&A for the upcoming Monday. Isak smiled at him from behind the camera when Even told his viewers that yes, he was indeed in a relationship. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach when he saw the look in Even's eyes, full of hope and love, and he turned off the camera in order to kiss his stunning boyfriend senseless. 

On Monday, Isak went back to his own place. He called Even as soon as he got home, and they counted down from three together on the phone and clicked the 'upload' button at the same time. While Even shared his Q&A, Isak uploaded his very last video. 

“Hey guys. I've never done a video like this before, in which you see me on the full screen and not just in the upper right corner with some game loading beside my head. You've all noticed my lack of updates and dedication to this channel, and it's been bothering me as much as it has bothered you, which is why I've decided not to do YouTube in the future. I liked it for a while, I had great fun the few times I was actually filming, but it's not what makes me truly happy and I don't want to spend my time doing something I am not fully invested in.   
I used to beat myself up thinking I was lazy, trying to talk myself into updating but only ending up procrastinating and feeling bad about my life. I've since realized that it has nothing to do with laziness but with the fact that it wasn't the right thing for me. I still like YouTube and I am so grateful for everyone who's followed me and all the people I've met, but this will be the last update for this channel.   
You will see me in Eskild's videos whenever I feel like it and I will keep my Instagram. You will also most definitely see me in my boyfriend's videos. Even is so invested in all of this, he loves you all to death, and I love being a part of that. We already filmed some videos together, watch out for the Yoga Challenge and the Boyfriend Tag that he's going to upload later this week. Thank you so much for watching, it's been an amazing time.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how YouTube really works, so if there's anything wrong with all the descriptions of social media, let me know:)


End file.
